A runner-up title for this episode was "I Fucking Hate This Episode. This Episode is Garbo," and it wastes no time in showing us many reasons why.

The good news is, the show is almost certain to recover after this, because Riverdale is increasingly uninterested in exploring long term consequences of terrible decisions made by characters, instead magically making everything sort of more alright than it should be to start each episode.

Why are we doing this? Perhaps because it's too late to turn back? I'm not bitter. I'm just sad.

Please bother us at #RDARD on the tweeter.

Music: "Faded War Instrumental Version" by Josh Woodward