This episode is pure gold and guaranteed to change the way you view your life. We will be discussing what will be required for you to confidently and effortlessly achieve your goals. We will be going over tools that are not intuitive, and tools that you have likely never used before. Today we are boldly learning new things so that you can boldly transition into a new and better version of yourself. A you who can lose weight, live healthy, and feel amazing. Let’s Go!

Welcome to Your Living Health, the podcast where we talk about real life strategies to reduce chronic inflammation. Each episode will uncover tools for you to lose weight and achieve optimal health. I’m your host, Carly Lucchesi, I’m a UC Davis trained registered dietitian and I’m also a life coach. Together let’s coach through the science of inflammation, but in a way that is simple, purposeful and fun.

You ready? Let’s Go!

Hey there! Today is a beautiful day, not only because every day has beauty in it, but because today we are going to talk about having your own back. This episode is going to be gold my friends, and I hope it will change the life of at least one of you out there. This is not something that is taught in school, this is not something that is intuitive, and this is not something that is easy to do. You will have to fight to hold space for this and you will have to aggressively seek to find within yourself a clean space of awareness.

So let’s start by unpacking this concept for a bit… having your own back. I like to think about it like YOU’RE the one to catch YOURSELF when stuff doesn’t go the way you planned. I want you to transition into being your own best friend. You get to be the one to call in the middle of the night, you are the ultimate safety net, and you are your own partner in crime. I like to use examples, so here we go.

Let’s say that after a week of dieting, you hop on the scale and the scale is up instead of down. Ugh, right… freaking unbelievable. BUT, having your own back would look like looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, “hey there love, I’ve got you. I wonder what didn’t work for us this week. But don’t worry, tomorrow will be better”.

Or some of you might have just gotten a scary new diagnosis, let’s say diabetes or even an autoimmune condition. I want you to be able to hold space for the fear, but with love be able to reassure yourself.  It might look something like this… “Hey there love, I know you’re scared, but together we’re going to make this for our good, ok? We can do hard things, and I love you” Let’s do one more quick example. Maybe you find yourself fist deep in a bag of chips when previously you’ve decided you don’t want to include chips in your food protocol anymore. I want you to be able to say to yourself that night, “What’s the matter love? Why did we choose the chips? How can I help you, and where can I support you right now? I know those chips are good, and this coming week, let’s figure out how to not even want them anymore”

Can you think of what it would look like in your life to have your own back?

If you’ve never had your back before, this will feel very foreign. You will feel fake and very much like an imposter saying things you don’t mean. You will be going against what you have previously known, and choose to instead act like an actor in a completely new role. Having your back will require many things, but today I want to focus on two key factors. The first is learning the skill to hold space for yourself, and learning to rest in the truth that nothing has gone wrong. You might have to wrestle your brain when you first decide to do this, because it will immediately decide to throw a 3 year old sized temper tantrum. You will decide intentionally to believe the thought that nothing has gone wrong, even when your OWN brain and EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE in the world is trying to convince you otherwise. You will quietly and lovingly hold space for yourself to breathe and remember, “Nothing has gone wrong, this is exactly what was supposed to happen”. This will be the first thing you will begin to live into.

The second key factor you will live into is the skill of being able to love yourself through it all. To refuse to take sides against your decisions. To refuse to criticize yourself, or blindly believe the criticism of others. I’m not saying you shouldn’t find the truth in the criticism of others and use it for your good, but I want you to process that criticism with your higher brain, not with your emotional brain. You will intentionally decide never take sides against yourself, even if your actions were not actions you’d choose to take again. When you have your own back, it’s a little less finger pointing, and a little more taking ownership. When you have your own back, you make decisions strongly and intentionally, and choose that no matter the outcome, you made the right decision and did the right thing.

Why will you want to have your own back? What’s the potential for payoff, because obviously it sounds like a lot of work to learn, right? But here it is my friends…

Having your own back is the currency you will NEED to CONFIDENTLY pursue any goals in your future. Whatever that goal may be. Losing weight, getting healthier, improving your marriage, earning more money, whatever the goal. Because when you pursue something you’ve never done before, you are going to stumble, and you’re going to fall flat on your face. When you try to lose weight, you’re going to actually gain it some weeks. And if you make this mean something negative about YOU instead of intentionally deciding to believe this is instead FOR YOUR GOOD, you’re going to fall off track… 100% of the time. When you lose weight and the conversation is against yourself, what are your actions from that space? Your current conversations might sound like… “I knew you couldn’t do this, why even bother. You couldn’t eat your favorite foods this last week AND you couldn’t even lose weight. You’re such a failure” What are you going to go do? I guarantee it isn’t going to bring you closer to your goals of weight loss!! BUT INSTEAD, what if your internal conversation sought to have your back instead? It might look like… “Hmmm, I noticed we gained some weight this week. I wonder what’s going on? Is there something that happened this week we could strategize better for next time? Don’t worry love, I’ve got you. Tomorrow will be better.” Notice the ownership “we” instead of “you” takes. What are your actions going to be from this energy of love and support? Which conversation feels better, and more in alignment with who you want to be in your future?

So now we’ve unpacked WHAT it looks like to have your own back, and WHY this is an important skillset to develop. Now I want to talk about the HOW you’re going to begin living into this new version of yourself. And this will require you to do something you’ve never done before. But that totally makes sense, right? If you’re trying to change your life, and trying to learn the new skill of having your own back, of course you’re going to tap into foreign concepts and tools you’ve never tried before. So today, you are going to implement 2 new tools. The first tool will help you in the moment, and the second tool will help you to begin moving forward into sustainable change. Each of these tools works synergistically with the other, and can be used no matter where you’re at in this initiative to have your own back. Whether you’re a pro, or a beginner, these tools will be used continuously.

Tool one begins with an understanding that YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. It is easy to believe that when your brain comes up with a thought, that it’s your automatic job to believe them and go with them. You have never been taught that believing thoughts is an optional choice, this is something that is missed in grade school. But today I am asking you to listen to your thoughts, and choose which thoughts you want to believe. I want you to stay with me here, because here is where I’m going to tell you exactly what you’ll need to do to implement tool number one. You will need to listen to the thoughts your brain offers up about you, and consciously choose not to believe any thoughts that put YOU AT ODDS with your body. Any negative or hurtful thought that you yourself would never say to a friend, will be noted, but not believed. I want you to instead, hear the un-useful thoughts and respond to your brain with kindness and love. It might sound something like this…  “no brain, not today. Today we choose love, and that doesn’t feel like me loving me.” Or “No brain, we don’t talk to ourselves like that anymore” or even “Oh brain, you’re mistaken. I even love me when…” When you first begin to implement this tool, don’t be discouraged when you need to use it A LOT over the first few days. A lot of these thoughts have just been subconsciously believed, so it might startle you when you begin hearing all of them consciously. Nothing has gone wrong, just keep talking back to your brain with kindness and love. “Not today brain, we don’t talk to ourselves like that anymore”

The second tool is going to be less of a response in the moment, and more of an intentional plan. It will be a vital part of your life that will help you to take ownership and be less of a victim to yourself when things don’t go as planned. This second tool is to make decisions strongly. This means to intentionally decide a direction you want to go, and strongly decide that regardless of outcome, it was the right decision. This tool will begin with choosing an outcome you are wanting, and then really making sure you like your reasons. When you decide that you like your reasons, and you want this outcome, then you strongly decide that you will not second guess your decision, even when things don’t go the way you planned. Let’s go over an example to bring it more to everyday life. Let’s say you have an upcoming birthday party. You decide that you want to continue to eat from your food protocol, and the reason you like is that it keeps you symptom free and clear headed. You decide ahead of time that the birthday cake and pizza is just not worth the symptoms. But when you get there, it turns out to be your favorite cake that you haven’t had in over a year. All of your friends have gotten their piece, and you’ve just said no thank you when asked if you wanted a piece. All of a sudden you hear your brain chime in “A little won’t hurt” or “Nobody will even notice” or “If you had known THAT CAKE was being served, you never would have made this choice!” Immediately your brain is on the offense, and you now have a wonderful opportunity. This is your chance to practice having your own back, and choosing NOT to go back on the decision you’ve already made. Maybe you’ll implement tool number one and with love talk back to your brain “Oh brain, I know you want cake. But we’ve already made this decision, no cake is what we’ve decided we want today.” Or maybe you’ll rest in the peace that you’ve already decided this ahead of time and that it’s just not even up for discussion. When you make decisions strongly, and know that you like your reasons, it can be much easier to follow through with what you want, and begin to build trust with yourself. Now don’t get me wrong, when you first use this second tool, you will not feel great. This will likely feel very uncomfortable! But you’ve decided this discomfort of allowing an urge now is what you are willing to experience instead of the discomfort later of experiencing symptoms or gaining weight.  These two tools will take time to become second nature, but once you implement them consistently every day, they will become effortless. This is one way you can stay on track towards your goals without tapping into willpower. You will slowly begin noticing a blossoming relationship of trust with yourself. And then my friends, you will begin to live into the person who has their own back, no matter what.

That’s all I have for you today. Remember, having your own back is the CURRENCY you will need to confidently pursue and achieve your goals. You’ve got this, you are amazing, and now it’s time for you to believe that too. Talk to you next week, bye!

If this has been helpful to you in any way, I ask that you leave me a review so that others can have easier access to this information. For those who have comments or ideas for future episodes, please take a few minutes now and type them out, I promise to read every single one. If you’re looking for some 1:1 guidance, head over to yourlivinghealth.com and book your free introductory consult. Again, thanks for your support of this podcast and I’ll talk to you soon.