Solitude doesn't always coincide with loneliness. On the contrary, solitude is an often-employed vehicle for sharpening focus, manifesting intention, or simply being in the present.

But solitude as a means to strengthen relationships? Though the paradox is startling, the underlying logic is compelling.

"Be alone with your thoughts," advises Dr. Teri. "Then you get to be a whole person. That gives you something to check in with when you need to set boundaries, when you want to make a choice: Do I want to deepen this relationship? Are they in alignment with who I want to be? Do they bring something to the table that is in alignment with who I am?"

What kinds of relationships are we talking about? Romantic relationships, certainly, but also family relationships, work and professional relationships, and even relatively transactional relationships, like the one you have with your plumber or your dentist. Of course, the more intimate the relationship, the greater the return on investment from your practice of intentional solitude.
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“Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars.”
– Eve Ensler
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"It also allows you to be in a better position," adds Dr. Teri, "when you're negotiating...for a job or anything else. You're not taken for a ride as much if you're able to be with yourself while you're with other people."

Of course, our current COVID-19 pandemic constrains the ways by which we can be with other people. It's thus worth asking: have you noticed any improvements in the quality of your relationships as a result of your isolation?

The connection between solitude and healthy human relationships is vital. We need to overcome our tendency to think of relationships as dynamic and solitude as passive. Our intentional practice of solitude should be every bit as dynamic as our most formative relationships.

With practice, Dr. Teri explains, there comes a point where your solitude becomes a strength. Once you fully know that you're okay when you're alone, you can check in with yourself even when other people are around, and notice your reactions to what they're doing, what they're saying. You start to notice new parts of yourself. This self-knowledge equips you to respond in healthier ways to the people with whom you're in relationship.

Listen to Episode 13: How Solitude Strengthens Relationships now on:
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[Graphic credit: "Couple Having a Misunderstanding." Photograph by Cottonbro. Used under Creative Commons CC0. Source: Pexels.com]

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