We need to slow down our conversations and not just say, “I’m fine,” when people ask how we are feeling. ~ Nick Jonsson

How often do you respond, “I’m fine” when someone asks how you are feeling? It’s almost automatic–partly because it’s a standard greeting, but also because many of us believe that sharing our feelings, especially if we don’t feel like rainbows and sunshine, is a sign of weakness.

Being vulnerable and admitting to feeling lonely, stressed, anxious or depressed is particularly taboo if you’re an executive in today’s business world. We expect our leaders to be strong, even if that means they must ignore their humanity and the negative feelings that sometimes come with it. The problem is that refusing to acknowledge or manage those feelings only compounds the problem, weakening the ability to lead and live effectively and happily.

Nick Jonsson knows first-hand the perils of suppressing negative feelings. After moving to a foreign country, leaving friends and family behind, Nick struggled with isolation and turned to some unhealthy ways to manage the strain. It was after a friend’s suicide that he realized the problem was more widespread than simply personal. 

Nick founded the Executives’ Global Network–a confidential peer networking group of over 700 executives to share their challenges, receive support and learn. He also authored Executive Loneliness: The 5 Pathways to Overcoming Isolation, Stress, Anxiety and Depression in the Modern Business World, and created a suicide prevention organization.

Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that life isn't always brilliant. Anyone can experience negative feelings–regardless of how things look to those on the outside. Building a tribe of support is essential to mental health, as is allowing ourselves to acknowledge our vulnerability. Once we do, we often find a community of others who not only feel the same way, but serve as a source of strength as we regain our emotional equilibrium.

To hear more of Nick’s wisdom, tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance:

• Executive men especially keep secret and silent until we can’t cope any more and we turn to other things that can end up harming us.

• Vulnerability and being able to speak openly and honestly about what we’re feeling is a gift. We need to find safe places to talk about how we feel.

• Many people are not responding. They are terrified about opening up. There is so much shame or guilt. We don’t have the tools to manage our relationships and feelings of isolation as executives.

• You can’t expect your team to talk to you if you aren’t willing to be vulnerable yourself. We need to exercise our muscle of vulnerability. Dare to be vulnerable and show that you’re human.

• We can learn to cultivate a healthy mind and lead with empathy by embracing vulnerability, building resilience through personal experience and the journey to emotional intelligence, and supporting our community.

Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO, 

Mary Fran & Kristin