By Mary Fran Bontempo
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The podcast currently has 206 episodes available.
Dr. Megan Gerhardt
Author of Gentelligence: The Revolutionary Approach to Leading an Intergenerational Workforce
Do you work with people of different generations? Do you live with people of different generations? Do you have public contact with people of different generations?
Unless you live alone on an island, the answer to at least one, if not all, of these questions is yes. And in your interactions with those of different generations, it’s almost certain that you’ve experienced some form generational conflict.
Dr. Megan Gerhardt is a Professor of Management and Leadership at the Farmer School of Business at Miami University, and the author of Gentelligence: The Revolutionary Approach to Leading an Intergenerational Workforce. As an expert in generational differences, Dr. Gerhardt teaches individuals and corporations simple, effective strategies for not only bridging the generation gap, but encouraging all generations to bring their particular resilience and brilliance to create connection and build respect.
According to Dr. Gerhardt, the best way to build connections is by asking respectful questions. The best question to ask? “Can you help me understand?” By phrasing the question in a non-judgmental way, Dr. Gerhardt says, “I'm signaling that what you're doing is not making sense to me, but I'm acknowledging it might in part be my understanding of what's going on. And I would love to get to a different place.”
Given that every generation brings their own skills, knowledge and perspective to the table, respect and inclusivity can result in more understanding and better solutions to problems, especially when everyone brings their own experiences, resilience and brilliance along.
For more on Gentelligence, tune into this week’s episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, order the book, and look for these additional bits of Brilliance:
I am a organizational psychologist really by training. So my nature is to always be curious about people, why they do what they do, how do we help them leverage what's unique about them in order to help them do work they care about and add value.
How do we change the narrative so that instead of shaming people for being born in a different generation…they're starting their career at a different time. We are really trying to learn from those complementary experiences and kinds of expertise and we're taking advantage of it.
Every few years there's an article that comes out saying, let’s stop putting people in generational categories…I don't think that's the answer…. It's better than being biased against people because of their age or their generation, but then you're ignoring all of that wonderful, very valid difference that comes with growing up and starting your career during a different period of time and a different period in history. And that's real.
Let's have smarter intergenerational conversations. Let's be OK and not threatened by the fact that you see this differently than me. Let's figure out why and how that could actually be helpful and beneficial.
If I ask you a question and that feels very respectful. I'm not assuming I'm not judging, I'm asking because I'm interested. You're worth it. I think there's something of value there that I want to engage with. And then there's learning and hopefully that's reciprocated.
Is there a question that works universally? Absolutely. My favorite one…is “Can you help me understand?” I'm signaling that what you're doing is not making sense to me, but I'm acknowledging it might in part be my understanding of what's going on. And I would love to get to a different place.
Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
Annie Orenstein ~ Author of Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner's Guide to Grief
Do you have a sibling? Most of us do. And according to author, Annie Orenstein, as children, we often spend more time with our siblings than with our parents. Yet as we grow, our sibling relationships are pushed to the background as we form other adult relationships in our lives.
So what do you do when a sibling dies?
In her new book, Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner's Guide to Grief Annie recognizes the painful, difficult role of a remaining sibling when losing a brother or sister. Our siblings are the only true witnesses to so much of our childhoods and who, “understand the workings of our families.” If the sibling dies before parents, grieving is even more fraught as the remaining sibling feels the need to lessen the parents’ burden.
Further, the death of a sibling is often met with the question, “Were you close?” as though the answer allows the degree of acceptable mourning. Annie notes that the simplest gift we can give someone who has lost a sibling is to ask, “What was their name?” to allow the sharing of memories.
Annie recognized the need to address such questions when finding little to guide her through the loss of her own brother. As she explores the stages of grief, she breaks down experiences in sections noting life with, without, and finally within, as she met both her grief and her joy in life with her sibling in this poignant and funny (yes, funny!) read.
Such fundamental change is a part of life, but knowing that doesn’t make it easier. Part of living a Brilliantly Resilient life is facing such challenges and finding the way through that’s best for you, regardless of “what’s expected.”
For more of Annie’s wisdom, tune into this week’s episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:
Siblings should be naturally our longest shared relationship because we meet them before we meet our partners and if things go naturally, our relationship continues after the loss of our parents. Statistics show that in childhood, siblings spend more time together than with their parents.
We shared our childhood with these people. They are in many instances the only other people who remember our childhood and who understand the inner workings of our family, who understand our parents, for good, bad, or ugly.,
It is terrifying to see your parents lose a child and to see that kind of deep grief. And it's known as a double loss because you really do lose your parents to some extent in that loss, because they're never the same.
Someone will ask how your parents are doing but not ask how you're doing. They are really well meaning, but what you take away is, ‘Oh. were we close enough that I'm allowed to grieve? Am I? Why is no one asking if I'm OK? I guess I'm supposed to be.
The simplest question you can ask someone who has lost a sibling is, ‘What was their name?’ You don’t get to say their name anymore. It feels good to say their name again. Ask how they lived, not how they died.
Be sure to buy Annie's wonderful book, and let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
Brian Nolan
President and Co-founder, Nolan Stuttering Foundation
Have you ever heard someone stutter? If you don’t stutter, it can be uncomfortable to know how to react. Do you try and finish the person’s sentence? Do you look away? Do you simply wait?
While a non-stutterer may be at a loss, according to Brian Nolan, a life-long stutterer and President of the Nolan Stuttering Foundation, a non-stutterer’s discomfort pales in comparison to the shame, embarrassment and pain of someone who stutters.
As humans, speech is our major means of communication, one we generally take for granted. But as a stutterer, Brian notes, “Especially as a kid, every day you wake up, you think through the lens of someone who stutters and you think about the people you're going to have to see, how you're going to have to talk in class. Am I going to have to read? And you're like, I just have to get by the day, every day.” For those who stutter, the stress of having to plan every moment of a day’s communication seems simply unbearable.
Stuttering isolates individuals, from childhood throughout every experience in life. Having gone through every challenge personally, Brian and his co-founder, Joseph Donaher, created the Nolan Stuttering Foundation (NSF) to help teens and young adults who stutter prepare for major transitions in their lives while persevering through challenges to become the best version of themselves.
Those who don’t stutter can help, too. When encountering someone who stutters, Brian advises we “look, listen, and give the gift of 100% attention.” As Brian says, “We who stutter, we have grit. We who stutter, we have empathy. We who stutter, listen carefully. And we stay in a conversation.” The rest of us can respond in kind.
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that we can find our Brilliance in our challenges, but it’s rarely easy. When we respond to others with patience, empathy and understanding, we can not only help others find their Brilliance, but uncover some gifts of our own.
Tune in to this week’s podcast to hear more of Brian’s wisdom and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:
Stuttering is a neurological disorder and the part that's miss understood is people think you stutter because you're nervous. Two-thirds of the people who have it, it goes away by the time they are 7 or 8. The 1/3 of the people who get it and it doesn't go away by 7-8, it's not curable. Ever.
I'm a public speaker. I talk for a living. If you would have asked me when I was 16 if I was going to do that, I would have said oh, wow. Fact is my dad said, Brian, think about being a computer programmer because you don't have to talk to people. And that was really, really, really, really sad for me. Because you see, I pretended to be an introvert because that meant that I wouldn't have to talk much.
People who stutter, they get that look from people who are looking at them like what's wrong with him. And so they they look away…or they finish our sentences. That gives us more shame.
I am still so uncomfortable stuttering on this podcast. I will switch a word and you won't even know it because I'm so good at switching words. But there's shame in that, because I can't say the word (I want to use) now.
You can actually order something you don't even want. Can I tell you how many times that happens? Yeah. You order a coffee because you can say coffee and because you don't think the person in front of you is gonna have the patience or you don't want to be embarrassed.
No one talks about stuttering in families. It's the biggest secret everybody knows about. And maybe if we don't talk about it, it'll go away. And that makes it worse.
Now my biggest fear is that a young kid is not going to go to college or not apply for a job because they're afraid of the interview process. So now I run workshops for kids who stutter. We practice interview skills, we practice disclosure. This most important thing you could do is to disclose. Hey, it may take me a little longer to get things out because I stutter, but it doesn't mean I don't know my stuff.
The people who stutter need to stop being covert, and they need to reach out and get involved with one of the many stuttering foundations that are out there like the Nolan stuttering.
Be sure to check out the Nolan Stuttering Foundation. Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
~ Rachel Madorsky
How to Love Yourself in Less Than a Week and Also for the Rest of Your LIfe
Do you love yourself? Does even reading the question make you uncomfortable? And if it does, why?
If you squirmed a little reading the above, you’re not alone. Most of us will gladly think about those we love and share that with others. But ask us about self-love? Yikes.
Rachel Madorsky is a psychotherapist, executive coach, speaker and best-selling author of the book How To Love Yourself: In Less Than a Week And Also for the Rest of Your Life. (A short, delightful read that was featured in Ellen DeGeneres’ first ever 12 Days at Home Holiday Box in November, 2023!)
After battling with depression, Rachel experienced a turning point when a fellow student in a personal growth course turned to her and said, “All of this would get better if you would love yourself.” As Rachel notes, “In that moment I felt like someone just gave me the cure, and at the same time I wanted to say what does that mean? It’s an easy thing to say but no one tells us what it means or how to do it.”
On this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, Rachel dispels many misconceptions about self-love, most notably that far from being selfish or self-indulgent, self-love frees us from negative focus on ourselves and gives us more time and ease to love and be generous with others. She also makes a topic which many find uncomfortable, unthreatening and accessible.
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we don’t shy away from tough topics, and self-love fits the bill. Rachel advises regularly asking “What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?” Fortunately, the answer needn’t involve huge steps. Even the smallest step towards self-love and self-care can change the trajectory of a life. As Rachel notes, “Small hinges swing big doors.”
Tune in to this week’s podcast to hear more of Rachel’s wisdom and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:
When we ask a question of ourselves and we listen to the answer and we say yes and do the thing, we are building self-trust at a whole new level…. No one can actually give us the things we need most better than ourselves.
We think that being hard on ourselves is the thing that will make us better. But the more forgiving, and loving and generous we are with ourselves, the faster the healing, the more we’re capable of giving, the more we’re capable of receiving. It’s important to forgive ourselves and say “I was so human in that moment.”
We think we are being so loving and forgiving to everyone else, but another truth is we can only take someone as far as we are willing to go. So if we start giving from the overflow (of our own love) rather than our own depletion, it’s a higher quality of care for others.
Everyone is always worthy of more love. Open the door for more love.
You can exponentially expand your ability to give and love, and giving and receiving is a circle. The more we actually allow ourselves to receive the more we have to give. There is a distinction between taking and receiving. Receiving makes you feel satisfied.
Small hinges swing big doors. If we were in a boat or a plane and we changed direction by only 2 percent,we would end up on a different continent. A very small action repeated can change the trajectory of our life. Any place we can add more sweetness with the intention of growing our self-love knowing it will grow love for others is a life changer.
Be sure to find Rachel on her website and social media:
[email protected]
https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-madorsky-lcsw-3233374/
https://www.instagram.com/rachelmadorsky/
https://www.facebook.com/RachelMadorskyAuthorSpeakerCoach/
The Book: How to Love Yourself in Less Than a Week and Also for the Rest of Your LIfe
Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
~Julia DeNey, Founder "Sense-ational You" Clothing
Have you ever had a tag rub against your neck in your clothing? The sensation is irritating, to say the least. But to a neurodivergent child with a sensory disorder, the feeling can be like a knife cutting the skin, sending the child into sensory overload and causing major challenges to just making it through the day.
Julia DeNey graduated from Cornell University with a B.S. in Fashion Design in 2020. During her college years, Julia also established and ran a volunteer organization in partnership with an area preschool for autistic children. After hearing the concerns of both teachers and parents, Julia began to think about using her fashion degree to design clothes to empower special needs children and help them navigate their world.
As Julia explains it, neurodivergent kids experience the world differently. That can mean anything from autism, to ADHA, to sensory processing orders and beyond. Sometimes, sensory overload means exactly that—a child cannot process one additional sensation and loses control. Julia wanted to create clothing with tools built into it to help kids manage their reactions and emotions, allowing them to feel in control in a world that can easily overwhelm them.
She says, “I wanted this fashion to be used to not only make the clothes more stylish, but more useful for their needs.We have a hoodie with built in sound reduction and an eye mask for a sensory avoider and an adjustable sensory compression vest for sensory seekers. The kids can have their own little sensory break just with what they’re wearing.“
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that when we combine our inherent talents with learned skills and then stir in some passion, Brilliance is born, and Sense-ational You is a perfect example. Tune in to this week’s episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Julia’s strategies to build resilience in neurodivergent kids and listen for these additional Bits of Brilliance:
When people don’t recognize that others may experience things differently, those sensory needs are often categorized as being difficult, or dramatic, or they just need to get over it or they’re spoiled and you’re catering to them too much. That’s where the education comes in because it’s not a little thing to them. Their cup of sensory input is full and they just can’t handle it anymore. To say just learn to deal with it isn’t the answer because it’s not always the (same thing), it’s whatever makes their cup overflow in that moment.
For kids who have sensitivities, it feels like a tag can be cutting into them. We can’t compare what we experience to what they are experiencing…. Our clothing is sensory friendly. There are no tags and all of the seams are flat, so nothing rubs against you. We also added additional sensory tools into the clothing, whether they are a sensory avoider or a sensory seeker.
Having some of these tools in the clothing itself means it’s one less thing for parents to remember to carry around because parents never have enough hands. The tee shirt I designed has compression built into it if the child needs it.
Allowing kids to have some control is incredibly empowering and really comforting and eases a lot of anxiety. They think -- Well if I have this garment on I know that I”ll be able to control what I’m experiencing -- to a degree.
The ability to dress and undress yourself can be really hard for special needs kids. That’s why we have magnetic closures and elastic waistbands…it allows kids to gain that skill and work on their fine motor skills…and allows more convenience and independence in dressing.
It’s so important to talk about this (special needs and neurodiversity) and normalize this so that future generations understand it. These clothes help to create more universal acceptance of these differences.
Follow Julia via the links below, and Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
Website Link: https://shopsenseationalyou.com/
Instagram Link: https://www.instagram.com/senseational_you/
Facebook Link: https://www.facebook.com/shopsenseationalyou
XO,
Mary Fran
Sarah Gormley
Author of The Order of Things
Have you ever done something not because you wanted to, but because you thought you were “supposed” to?
From the time we’re young, we learn what we’re “supposed” to do. Behave, answer the test questions correctly, make the right choices. But what if the “right” choices are wrong for us? What if we do what we’re “supposed” to do but don’t get the result we’ve been promised?
By all outward standards, Sarah Gormley did what she was supposed to do. She had a great career in corporate America, lived in New York and was highly successful. But she didn’t feel successful, or happy. It wasn’t until Sarah’s mother received a devastating health diagnosis that Sarah began to reevaluate her life and her choices.
In her poignant, humor-filled new book, The Order of Things, Sarah tells how a return to her childhood home on a farm in Ohio made her reevaluate her choices as a “gold star chaser.” A believer in both therapy and self-reflection, Sarah describes The Order of Things as a “self-hope” book, offering a true story that reminds the reader it’s never too late to live the life you are meant to live and to discover joy.
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we’ve seen how easy it is to get lost in what the world says we should want and do to make us happy. It often takes a sucker punch or train wreck that, while initially devastating, can be the push we need to make decisions that are right for us, not the rest of the world. It takes courage, intention and a willingness to be vulnerable, but as Sarah confirms, it's oh so worth it.
For updates on The Order of Things, check out Sarah on Instagram at @scgormley. Order your copy of The Order of Things here, and tune into the podcast for these additional bits of Brilliance from Sarah:
Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
Mike Cerino: Executive Director, Warminster Food Bank
When was the last time you ate? When was the last time you stopped at a Walgreens or CVS to pick up a necessary prescription, or drove to Costco to fill your car up with gas?
Now, when was the last time you had to choose between those things because you couldn't afford to take care of all three?
Mike Cerino is Executive Director of the Warminster Food Bank, located in Warminster, PA. Along with his assistant Melody Latare and other volunteers, Mike sees people forced to make such choices all too often.
Food insecurity can affect anyone at any time, given a sudden illness, job loss, or other challenging circumstances. Yet in the suburbs of large cities, as Warminster is to Philadelphia, food insecurity is unexpected and therefore often hidden in plain sight. The problem is compounded by the shame and embarrassment frequently felt by those in need.
The Warminster Food Bank strives to not only meet their guests' physical needs, but to treat each person with dignity and respect, building community and shared humanity along the way. Mike and Melody note that volunteers often get just as much out of their service to others as those receiving assistance.
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we recognize the power of service, both to those served as well as those offering their service. We also know the importance of refusing to judge others' circumstances and instead bringing our transferable skills to help in any way possible.
With a budget that's risen by $4000/month since Covid, and at this time of year, the Warminster Food Bank is in greater need of food to serve those in need. Please visit www.warminsterfoodbank.org for a list of current foods needed, and to learn more. Tune in for these additional bits of Brilliance from Mike and Melody:
Be of service and share your Brilliance. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together.
XO,
Mary Fran
Anne and David Darling ~ The Farm at Catawissa Creek
How many times a day do you eat? How many times a day do you think about what and when you’re going to eat? (My husband says he can always tell when I’m talking to my mother because we’re talking about food!)
Now, how many times a day do you think about where that food is coming from?
Anne and David Darling, the young farmers who are the “stewards” and owners of The Farm at Catawissa Creek, and this week’s guests on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, are intent on making others aware of our relationship to food. As young farmers, the Darlings are, sadly, a rare breed. Their passion for growing healthy food and encouraging others to appreciate farms and their place in our society is a welcome and necessary reminder of the importance of farming and the soil that provides our food.
Neither Anne nor David grew up as farmers, but their desire to be of service and answer a higher calling, along with an openness to the opportunities provided by the universe, led them to farming and each other.
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we LOVE when folks find their Brilliance in service. When you lead with your heart, the best of you follows. The Darlings brought all of their transferable skills to their passion and are truly living a Brilliantly Resilient life. Be sure to check out the events, farm to table meals, workshops, yoga classes and the pure beauty of The Farm at Catawissa Creek.
Tune into the episode here, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:
We wanted to attune to the highest possible good. What’s the highest good we can provide for not only humans, but the planet? Do something bigger than yourself.
We are missing a relationship to the soil. Everything comes in a box, everything is packaged. We’re disconnected from soil and from nature.
You have to think of soil as being alive. It’s a home for our food and so many creatures. We have to respect it.
We bought our farm from a farmer who spoke to over 5000 people about selling his farm. The farm used to be the crux and central hub of the community.Young people are not going into farming.
Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
Cole Aansen
Do you know anyone who is dyslexic? Whether you're aware of it or not, you probably do.
Cole Aansen, a Certified Literacy Intervention Teacher and this week's guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, tells us that statistics show that 20% of the population is dyslexic, regardless of race, socio-economic status or any other measure.
According to Cole, Dyslexia isn't seeing words backwards, a common misconception. Dyslexia is about language processing. Those with dyslexia process the written word differently than those who learn in a more traditional way. Cole further notes, "Dyslexia isn't something you get over. It's a brain processing issue. You can learn strategies to navigate it, but it doesn't go away."
Using the Orton Gillingham approach, Cole uses a multisensory approach to teach others to read. With tools like finger tapping and writing sounds and letters in a sand tray with the fingertips (with 10,000 nerve endings, the tracing letters in the sand can send 10,000 messages to the brain to help learning), the multisensory approach helps to create more pathways in the brain.
Cole is creating materials for the learner unable to utilize a tutor to enable more students and parents to access this multisensory approach. With cards and a video course, Cole helps dyslexic readers to learn to read.
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we celebrate differences. Yet a skill as basic as literacy is necessary to function in our society. When people like Cole share their passion for helping others master such a necessity, all ships rise.
Please support Cole's work and donate to her Go Fund Me page to help her make her learning materials accessible to all.
Thank you, Cole for sharing your important work!
Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
~ Princess Castleberry
Does your business have a company wellness plan?
Sometimes words like “wellness” begin to sound like static–annoying and with little meaning. But this week’s guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, Princess Castleberry, knows that ignoring corporate wellness means putting an organization’s people, purpose and profits at risk.
According to Princess, every leader must be a risk manager, and addressing employee wellness with actionable strategies can dramatically improve corporate and personal success. As a wellness and risk management consultant, Princess offers solutions to help leaders view wellness as compliance, inclusion and respect–all elements essential to team building and corporate success.
Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we recognize the value of implementing actionable strategies to reduce stress and improve decision making, professional success and quality of life. Be sure to tune into this week’s episode for more and visit Princess Castleberry at: https://www.princesscastleberry.com/.
Also, check out Princess’ video demonstrating Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) for a simple, easy stress buster: https://youtu.be/Ou4GL_PPjao?si=4GNoJL5M41UglhpV
Listen in for these additional bits of Brilliance from Princess Castleberry:
Wellness can be called by other names–compliance, inclusion, respect. All of those things are put in place so humans can be well.
Leaders can start by asking themselves three questions to begin to navigate wellness for themselves and their teams:
How do you make decisions?
How do you manage stress?
How do you resolve and recognize conflict?
The basic behavior chain is thoughts, feelings and actions. We have to learn to recognize how our triggers work.
People suffer from decision fatigue. You have to trust your gut and divide your decision making into categories:
Decisions where you can act fast.
Decisions that must be delegated.
Decisions that require deliberation–higher stakes decisions.
Decisions to eliminate–any involving gossip or nonsense.
Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!
XO,
Mary Fran
The podcast currently has 206 episodes available.
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