Conor is going to Turkey this summer. He doesn’t know where. He’s never done all-inclusive. This feels sensible. We start with BSL lessons, Danish pronunciation confidence, and first aid qualifications before somehow arriving at hazelnut production statistics, Santa Claus being Turkish, and the national sport involving oil. Dad shares practical (and slightly dramatic) tips on how not to get arrested, performs an original holiday anthem, and sets a Turkish language quiz that absolutely won’t cause confusion when the trip finally happens. Cultural enrichment meets mild pre-holiday panic.

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