Father and Son Days

Dragons. Majestic creatures of myth and legend. Or possibly just dinosaurs that we’ve been drawing wrong for centuries.

This week, Conor and David venture into the world of fire-breathing beasts, ancient mythology and the important differences between dragons and wyverns. Along the way, Conor questions whether a T-Rex might actually have had wings, David considers the evolutionary origins of dragons, and a burnt pizza provides compelling evidence against their existence.

Naturally, things get a little sidetracked. There’s talk of Prehistoric Pride, the legal rights of dragons squatting in abandoned castles and whether vampires are allowed into supermarkets.

David also unveils a heartfelt song about a dragon with a rather unfortunate anatomical difference, before testing Conor’s knowledge in a game of Cryptids or Craptids.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Conor has been attacked by a toilet. David has been investigating coconuts in people's bottoms.

This week, a relaxing trip to Edinburgh involves a super plunger, a pigeon, an unusually talented newborn Santa Claus and Lucy attempting to smuggle cheese through airport security. Back in Essex, David has been drinking tea, supervising a massive hole in the house and visiting A&E after an unfortunate encounter with the forest floor.

There's also a song about hospital waiting rooms, an alarming number of household objects in human orifices and another chapter of Dex Blinko featuring frozen remains and some very questionable security arrangements.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We've made 200 episodes. Nobody knows how.

To mark the occasion, David has fallen over in a forest, bought a piano and consulted a £2.58 Etsy psychic who predicts enormous success for a podcast that still struggles to explain what it's about.

Conor prepares for a soaking in Scotland while David presents him with a wooden spoon bearing his own face and a 3D-printed Danny DeVito plant pot. As you do.

There's also a special appearance from the CREMBAG, the unveiling of some shiny new pin badges and a celebratory song containing more bleeps than anyone anticipated.

Finally, David tests Conor's knowledge of the previous 199 episodes with 20 questions of varying usefulness.

Two hundred episodes, five and a half years and absolutely no signs of improvement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

David's slippers need to be destroyed. Possibly by fire.

That's only one of several pressing concerns this week, as Conor worries about being mistaken for a drug-smoking motorist, David discovers a potentially haunted nursery and a perfectly innocent cow emoji causes a breakdown in father-son communication.

There's also the small matter of dinosaurs hidden in school lunches, misleading mobile game adverts and a proposed boxing match between Conor and a Scouse comedian that nobody asked for.

David sings about being misunderstood, and Dex Blinko takes a dramatic turn involving sentient hair, murderous furry women and some genuinely emotional storytelling.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Narnia. Please ignore the football conspiracy theories, the dead dog and the man attempting to enter the Olympics as a horse.

This week, Conor and David explore the magical world of C. S. Lewis, beginning with the shocking discovery that his middle name was Staples. Naturally, this requires extensive research into office supplies before we can talk about any actual books.

Along the way, we investigate whether Vinícius Júnior has been replaced by a body double, discuss the logistical nightmare of building a wardrobe out of wood from another dimension and consider whether a talking beaver has better career prospects than a centaur.

David then performs a song in which Aslan works at Greggs, prompting an urgent clarification that absolutely none of it should be taken as historical fact.

We finish with a quiz that could quite easily have been sponsored by IKEA.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

David has been replaced by a robot and he's taking it remarkably badly.

Before we get to that, though, there's important business to deal with. Somebody has produced enough cat sick to require primary, secondary and tertiary classifications, David would like his life represented by a big rock, Conor wants a house-sized ball of beard hair at his exhibition and a two-foot African giant rat is riding around on a moped dressed as a chef.

Then Elton John's kneecaps become jewellery and everything gets considerably worse.

We discuss skeleton hands, removable ears, preserved baby teeth, glazed poo, suppositories and which severed body parts would make the best household ornaments before finally confronting the greatest threat facing mankind: Sharkira, the robot vacuum.

David insists vacuuming is cathartic, claims robots are stealing his purpose and has written a song about his redundancy.

Dex Blinko also returns with the Captain's Winky, a wandering sentient hairpiece, PowerPoint eyeballs and the Sisters Tortellini.

Technology was a mistake.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We're trapped in a cave.

Fortunately, we've brought microphones, a health assessment report and a bat called Steven, so this week's podcast can continue as normal.

Conor discovers that two curries probably aren't ideal preparation for a health check, David admits to rocking an empty buggy and we eventually remember that this episode is supposed to be about caves.

From there, things deteriorate underground.

Wookey Hole has plastic pirates and spare waxwork body parts, David once squeezed through a 19cm gap on a school trip that appears to have had no concept of health and safety, Conor plays laser tag in a Dutch cave and Caveman Dave is trapped underground worrying about his car being parked on yellow lines.

Then it's time for Stalagright or Stalagwrong, featuring Nick Knowles' helmet, Beelzebub's hairy ring piece, God's testicles and the Cave of the Masturbating Frogs.

Geology has never been so educational.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week we discover that Father and Son Days is at the forefront of audio-based time travel and may also be one of the longest-running least-successful podcasts in existence. Guinness World Records, please get in touch.

From there, David remembers his illustrious career as a hair model, Conor reveals his primary-school fashion credentials and both seriously consider their options for a return to the industry. David has hands, feet and a distinguished older gentleman aesthetic. Conor has a beard, soft office hands and a willingness to lie on a carpet pretending to be part of the deep shag.

Then somebody buys good weather from an Etsy witch for £1.50.

We also investigate manifesting, the traditional practice of burying sausages, the logistical problems surrounding a cocktail-sausage mass grave, the potential renaming of West Ham's home as the Scrub Daddy Stadium and what would happen if civilisation finally entrusted important geographical decisions to Dave.

And if all of that wasn't enough, Dex Blinko enters the unknown, Tiger cleans up a suspicious puddle, Captain Aria delivers an unexpectedly moving speech and somebody called Captain Massif Turd becomes part of official L.A.M.R.D. history.

Perfectly normal episode.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After bringing together the opening ten chapters of Dex Blinko, we’re back with the next batch — Chapters 11–19, collected into one continuous supercut.

As before, Conor and David are still taking turns writing the story one chapter at a time, with neither knowing exactly what the other is going to do next. Which means every new chapter has to deal with whatever problems, characters, revelations or complete nonsense the previous writer has left behind.

Originally scattered across the following Talking Rubbish episodes, this bonus episode brings the next part of the story together in one place, making it much easier to catch up without having to search through each episode individually.

So whether you’ve been following Dex Blinko from the beginning and need a refresher, or you’ve just finished Chapters 1–10 and want to keep going, this will bring you almost completely up to date.

Almost.

Because the latest chapter is still waiting for you in the most recent Talking Rubbish.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week we launch our brand-new series about the senses by confidently declaring sight the best one. Which is excellent news for everybody listening to our entirely audio-based podcast.

Before the science begins, one cat disappears, another rubs itself against Conor, David prepares to scream if either bites his legs, somebody kicks a box of Lego and a work desk is revealed to contain shower gel, Christmas decorations, a pizza cutter and a kazoo.

Then Prince George starting secondary school leads naturally to discreet police presences, David’s school in Basildon, missing knives, compulsory spoons, blancmange, bow-tie soufflés and the possibility that half of David’s year group could have been arrested pre-emptively.

Eventually we remember the eyes.

We learn about pupils, irises, rods, cones and the surprising visual limitations of Rod Stewart. Conor considers turning a glass eye into a glow-in-the-dark torch, David briefly loses track of both his glasses and a cat, and an innocent conversation about eye colour culminates in the two of us staring directly into one another’s eyes before saying “I love you.”

Then comes The Man with the Bionic Eyes and David’s new game Better or Worse, in which increasingly specific animals battle for supremacy using something called the critical flicker fusion rate.

Educational? Occasionally.

Visible? Absolutely not.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.