As we welcome the hope and relief promised by the start of 2021, Dr. Teri and I discuss happiness: what it is and isn't, different strategies – effective and futile – for finding it, and some tips for keeping to the healthiest course for you.

We all know what happiness is, don't we? Can't we at least say that we recognize happiness when we see it? Feel it?

Not necessarily, says Dr. Teri.

"There's something that I call 'The Happiness Formula,' which is a lie. It's a social and adopted psychological construct that says that once you accumulate the right ingredients, and line them up in just the right way, you'll finally be happy," she explains.

The right education from the right Ivy League school. The right job. The right spouse. The right kids. The right body shape. These are some of the many Happiness Formula checklist items we all carry around with us, often despite our own best intentions.

The Happiness Formula is at the root of the constant ache and longing that smolders stubbornly in our subconscious. It prevents us from enjoying the joy and fulfillment we've already earned. It's the value template that marketers and advertisers prey upon to compel us to spend money we don't have for things we don't need.

So on the occasion of the new year, let's choose happiness. Instead of trying vainly to tally up points on the irrational and unfulfilling Happiness Formula, let's work on ourselves – that is, our selves – work that can deliver the sense of belonging and inclusion we all thirst for as human beings. Let's take on meaningful challenges, challenges that promise positive transformation, that promise growth, and that foster an expansion of our minds and our hearts.

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“The happiness we seek is already here and it will be found through letting go rather than through struggle.”
– Pema Chödrön
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Let's seek happiness in a way that brings healing to our troubled lives, our vital relationships, and our fragile universe. Let's rechart our life journeys to take us to destinations that are virtuous, life-affirming, and selfless.

Listen to your inner leader, your inner parent, your inner child. Each of them loves you and looks to you to set the example – the standard, the ethos – that they can aspire to in turn. Don't let yourself get distracted or derailed as you forge your path to self-actualization and enlightenment. Do take that class you wish you'd taken back in college.  Take another look at your personal mission statement, or draft one from scratch if necessary. Find that nonprofit organization that advances your personal vision for the future; found it if there isn't one already.

Your happiness lies in manifesting the changes that make the world a better place, and manifesting those invariably requires an act of self-transformation. Take things step by step. This is your unfolding. This is your personal path.

"Choosing happiness means making a really good choice," Dr. Teri succinctly summarizes, "about which direction to go in. That has to come from the inside."

Listen to Episode 18: Choosing Happiness now on:
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
Google Podcasts

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