What You Took Back Podcast

Episode. 18 "The boundary You Keep Explaining Isn't a Boundary."


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Picture your family or friend group chat. Someone's asked you to host Christmas again — same as every year — and for the first time, you type the word "no." Then you delete it. You write it again, this time with a paragraph attached: how tired you've been, the kids' schedule, a "maybe next year" so nobody feels rejected.

That's not a boundary. That's a boundary wearing a disguise so it can sneak past everyone's disappointment without anyone noticing.

This is Part 1 of a four-part July series — Boundaries, People-Pleasing, Guilt, Self-Trust — and this episode is about the tell that gives away a fake boundary every time: the length of the explanation. A real boundary is a sentence. The kind most of us were taught to build is a paragraph.

In this episode:

  • Why over-explaining a "no" isn't politeness — it's a Power Leak
  • The one question to ask before you speak: are you informing someone of a decision, or applying for their permission
  • Three phrases to practise this week that hold a boundary without writing a legal brief to defend it
  • If this one hits close to home, take the free Power Leak Checklist at whatyoutookback.com/power-leak-check-list-sign-up — it'll show you exactly where your energy is leaking before you even get to the boundary conversation.

    What have you taken back? 🎙️

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    What You Took Back PodcastBy Skye Underhill