The second episode of season two is here! Enjoy this episode with Harriet Hadfield.

Episode Transcript

This transcript has been edited for clarity.

Welcome

You’re listening to Intuitive Style, where we believe that everyone has style. I’m Maureen McLennon Welton. In conversation with fantastic guests, we explore how to tap into our style intuition so that we can dress authentically and live fully.

Today’s guest is Harriet Hadfield, the writer of Harry Styles—that name!—on Substack. As an early One Direction fan, you know what I mean. You know her from her nuanced, vulnerable writing about career transitions and mental health challenges, just as much as her playful and creative styling suggestions. Or perhaps you’ve seen her extensive backlog of makeup tutorials or journal making on her YouTube channel, Harry Makes it Up. However you’ve met her, you are sure to have loved her. Harry, welcome to the show.

Harriet: My gosh, that intro was like the most lovely thing ever. I’m like, can you just send me that so can put that in like a happy book?

Maureen: I will print it out, I’ll hand write a note. You can keep it wherever.

Harriet: So lovely. Thank you so much Maureen.

Maureen: You wrote it yourself, you did all those things. So you made it easy.

Well, I wanted to start off by referencing your recent undercover work, a post that you put up on Substack, where you identified some themes and what folks on the East side of LA are wearing, which anyone that’s been following you for a minute would see that it’s a little bit different from your typical style. There’s lots of color. And, I just thought that was really fun because you reinterpret those looks with your own clothes. So I would just love to hear like, how did you come up with that idea? And just tell me, was it so fun to write?

Harriet: It really was like the most fun thing. And I think sometimes to me, my writing, there are some things that I just know I wanna write. And then generally this situation, I’d gone to a coffee shop with my laptop and I got there, my laptop was dead. And I was like, man, there’s no chargers around. And I always carry a notebook with me, as you know, I love my journals. So I was like, okay, I’m just gonna people watch, which is another hobby of mine. And I just started writing what I was seeing, like socks with shoes, canvas totes. It was almost like a shopping list. I just kind of was documenting what I was seeing. And then I said to my husband, he was at the coffee shop with me, I was like, I’m Harriet the Spy. And then I think that whole thing, was like, this is so fun because like you said, I think my style is a little bit different generally to where I live and I don’t in any way say that to sound like it’s better than. Again, I think this is where style can feel really problematic.

But coming from London, I think my style has always felt a bit dressier. But I love taking inspiration from anywhere and everywhere. So I also think I’m currently on another no-buy. I love being able to think how can I make my existing wardrobe work harder for me? And also like you said, like intuitive style in my opinion is about trying stuff. It’s about experimenting. So I love pushing myself out my comfort zone in the safety of my own home and knowing like, okay, here’s my barometer to decide what feels comfortable to leave the house in. What bits do I keep? What bits do I maybe go, cool, I tried that, it’s not for me. But for me getting dressed is like playing dress up. It always takes me back to being a kid and just wanting to try things.

Maureen: How do you know when it feels right and you’re ready to leave the house in something versus like, I need to tweak this a little bit more or it doesn’t feel right?

Harriet:That’s a really good question and part of me wants to say there’s lots of ways to answer that but I also think intuition and self-trust is something we build. So for me it’s both a physical feeling in my body, it’s kind of like a mental knowing of... I think as well for me it’s like a spectrum of like am I uncomfortable because it feels new or is it uncomfortable because...I just would feel more conscious wearing this than not wearing it. And I think if it’s the former, like, oh, this just feels new, then this is why I like doing, like, play dates in my own wardrobe at home, because it gives me time to get used to seeing myself in a new way. It gives me space and time to be like, ooh, there’s something that keeps making me look in the mirror and go, I’m not mad at it. I don’t hate it. And sometimes I think you have to start there before you can get to a place of, oh my god, this and sometimes the my god I love this does happen very instantaneously but for me I think it’s almost it’s it’s learning to develop patience with when I’m trying something new it isn’t always gonna click straight away and there will be some things where try as I might I’m like looks great on everyone else but it’s a no for me like I think it’s that it’s it’s building that self-trust which I would love to say I could tell you exactly how you do that.

But I think it’s, I think to start with, it’s maybe wanting to build the self-trust. I think that’s a good place to be. Like, I think I’ve outsourced my tastes when I was younger so much. I look for someone to tell me what style is, what would be right. Again, you know, coming of like the noughties and the, you know, 90s teenager, like I grew up with, everything should be flattering, everything should be done, you know, avoid horizontal stripes.

So I’ve had to unlearn a lot as well, but I think that started with wanting to unlearn it. Like there came a point where I was like, I would like to make decisions that feel good for me, even if other people don’t get it. And I think that’s a good place to start is just wanting to kind of like build that trust.

Maureen: Can you be my co-host on this podcast because...

Harriet: You Anytime.

Maureen: I mean, everything you said…there’s no bows that we can tie. There’s a reason that this is an 18 plus episode and growing podcast because I don’t think that there’s a one answer on how to build this self trust, but it’s like you said, it’s a choice that we’re making and, something that we have to put time and attention into doing. yeah.

Harriet: Yeah. No. And I think make it fun, whatever fun looks like for you. Like for me, I’m still a big kid at heart. Like I wanna put 90s boy band music on while I have a wardrobe play date and you know, have a sing and a dance in my closet. And I’m always like, how can I make this feel like play versus something I have to get right?

Maureen: Are there any outfits that you tried recently or as a result of that post that, was there like anything that stands out that you’re like, I did this new thing and it felt really good. What was that like?

Harriet: I think the socks and shoes I see come round again and again. I think it’s one of those things that in fashion, it’s been used in so many different decades. I see people, like I I live on the East side in LA. I see it a lot on the East side and I always appreciate it on other people. I’ve just always been like, especially trainers and socks, loafers and socks. And I remember realizing at one point, I don’t actually own a pair of white socks. I only own black socks for the winter with my boots. And I remember wearing a pair of black socks over leggings with like a really oversized blazer and then like a white strappy sandal and I loved the contrast of that. I remember thinking like, oh this feels like me. Again, that spectrum I talked about, it was a very instantaneous yes. And so because of that, I was like, okay, well what if it’s not a loafer in a sock for me? What if it’s just a different shoe in a sock?

So again, I kind of like the same Harriet the Spy thing. I’m very investigative. Like, I don’t even think that’s a word. But like, I’m always trying to be like, what is the bit I do like? Like, warmer, warmer. And I remember I had this pair of shoes that were actually from the Alison Bornstein, Jack Irwin collection when she did that launch. And I’ve got to be honest, I don’t always wear them. And they’re suede and I live in LA, so I have no excuse. But I was just like, I need to wear these more. Again, there’s things in my wardrobe where I’m like, I love this item. If I’m not wearing it, is it because I need to find new ways to wear it that excite me? Is it just that I haven’t put it enough into heavy rotation? And like I said, I didn’t have any white socks, but Dave had some sports socks with like a pink and a brown rim around the top. And I was like, well, if I fold them and scrunch them, I can kind of make it look like a white sock. And it was like a thick sports socks. I was like, okay, this is really not comfortable, but it’s kind like I have this concept called like the bridge philosophy where it’s like where can you try something that is like point A of the spectrum of starring stuff and being like, okay, that’s my beginning point. And from doing that, although it was like uncomfy because the socks were too thick, I was like, I kind of like this. And again, for me, I have to always add something dressy into the mix. I feel like when there’s like a more formal looking bag or something that feels quite, I’m trying to what the word is. Like for me, I love grandma and granddad. That’s always like, feel like when people say like, what’s your style? I’m like, I don’t really have words, but I’m like, what a granddad would wear, a grandma would wear, or a librarian, or a geography teacher, like any of those probably would like cross my path some way. Again, yeah, and I just think like trying on those shoes with the socks, I was like, maybe I might get round to buying socks.

So I think it’s, whether it’s going to be something that becomes fully into part of my everyday dress, who knows? But again, I like that experimenting, I like the play of like, there’s something in this that I’m like, ⁓ that’s cute, I like that. Like it brought me joy seeing that outfit come together and being like, I know what it is within the outfit that makes it feel like me.

Maureen: One of the questions that I am always like, what’s the word, struggling with, and it sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on this is like balancing staying open to trying new things and changing your mind while also respecting the preferences that you’ve observed over time. Can you think of any ways to explain the right balance between those two? Like, is it just? That’s self-trust or is there more to it?

Harriet: I mean, the thing that’s given me the most freedom, I think, not just in my wardrobe, but in life in general, is I’m allowed to change my mind. And I’m actually writing a piece about this at the minute for Substack because I think so many people can relate to that feeling of once I quote unquote commit to this is my style, this is an objective I’m gonna use to describe it, this is how I understand it now, I just think we’re always evolving and I think there’s things that ground us.

But I think letting go of the fear of like, well now I’ve decided I know my personal style, therefore I must stay here. I think there’s a fluidity that’s needed for it to stay fun and for it to not get into the territory of like, good, bad, right, wrong. That’s kind of like, for me personally, whenever I’m like, yeah, you’re allowed to change your mind, I’m like, that’s so freeing. Like there’s so much relief in that. So I don’t know if I’ve answered the question, but I think that’s kind of like how I approach that nuance.

Maureen: I think you answered the question perfectly. It’s like, our preferences can mean whatever they want to mean. our preferences can be valid in a moment in time and then our preferences can change and also be valid in a different moment in time. And I think it’s just being okay with that.

Harriet: I think with this online world we’re all in now, I think it’s that fear of things getting used against us. I know as a writer, like, you know whatever you write, it’s in print. Like, it’s in the world. The internet makes it exist and people love to go back to something that was said and kind of pull it up. you know, I’ve been within to some extent the content creation world for the past, like, 12 years.

Of course I see things that I wrote or I’ve said like from 10 years ago and I’m like, I don’t believe that anymore. But I’m like, yeah, cause I’m growing. I, and yes, growing, you know, from an emotional lens, but also literally my experience on this earth is now longer. I’ve had more points of view to see. And I think sometimes this is expectation when you let yourself be online of like, I have to have every single nuance covered. I have to have every single point of view.

And sometimes I think the asterisks can get a little bit, I think it was, you know, I was chatting about this with a writer from recently and I was like, I think the audience just want to feel something. I think they just want to connect and I’m not for everybody. Like I think I’ve, for the most part, day to day, I feel more peace than ever that I’m really not for everyone. But that’s how it stays fun for me. You know, rather than trying to be like, and you don’t have to dress up and it’s okay if you want to dress up. Like sometimes you, there’s that kind of push and pull, but style is personal. Like it can’t not be personal if you’re approaching it from a lens of experimentation play. And I think letting go of the idea that we arrive, do you know what I mean? Like letting go of this idea of like, and now my style is complete and it will never, it’s never going to change again.

Maureen: You know, it’s so crazy because there’s so many things that I like know in my brain, but then like when it’s like me, it’s not like it doesn’t feel true. Like I have this idea in my head, like I’m in the midst of a style transition right now where I’m like, Ooh, I feel like there will be another side of this and I I’m not there yet. And I’m trying to remind myself like maybe there isn’t another side. Like maybe, maybe I’m not like on a bridge crossing a river. Maybe I’m just like on a meandering path.

Harriet: Yeah, no, I mean, even recently, like, I, again, another place I’m writing about, like, the joy of patina, like, I think I’ve noticed myself being, I’ve always loved secondhand, it’s kind of what I grew up with, but also now it’s kind of coming full circle where I’m like, I’ve done the babying items I’ve spent a lot of money on, a lot of which I’ve sold, and recently I started just wildly pinning Victorian writing desks. It, like, was one of these things where I was just like, I don’t know why, but I’m obsessed with the thought of having a place to do my journals where there’s no computer, where there’s nothing digital, where I can wear my nightgowns and pretend I’m Emily Bronte. I was like, no, it’s a whole vibe. But from the place, it’s fun. Like I know lace is trending right now. And again, for me, it all comes around full circle all the time.

But I found this amazing little table in a thrift store for like, I think it ended up being like 40 bucks. And then the next day, found a chair that matches it in like a junkyard for like 20 bucks and I was just like did I manifest this? Is this part of my style evolving? And I think for me again it’s letting go of it needing to make sense because I think that thing of like the consistency that people are craving and I get it I get we want to feel like we can wear our clothes we can use them we want to avoid feeling discombobulated on like a personal level but I think there is space for that nuance and there is space for that, don’t know why I like it, but I do. And okay, I’m not gonna dress head to toe like I’m in a Victorian novel every single day, but there are things, it’s like that cherry picking, there’s things where I’m like, I like that. And it probably doesn’t make sense, but it makes sense to me. again, it just, whether you wanna say it sparks joy, whether you wanna say it’s, know, even like when I look at...

I mentioned the Victorian table from the lens of I live in LA, everything here is very mid-century modern, the house we live in, there’s a lot of things that quote unquote wouldn’t suit the house we live in. But when I saw this Victorian desk, I’m like, I don’t care, I just need to own it, like I love it. And it’s just, I think leaning into where I’m at in my, whether you’d say style and period, like all the things that I use to explore creativity and express myself.

I’m coming back to this place of like, I remember my mum having one like that when we were kids. Or there’s kind of like that pull to memory, there’s a pull to I’ve moved away from so many things I grew up with. And now I’m like, I can like really appreciate the beauty from a new lens and that wanting to be around certain things. Because I think with clothing as well, kind of like to come back to the East Side pose she was saying about, I just enjoy seeing people like, be in clothes. I think there’s something so fascinating about the way clothing makes people change how they walk, it changes you know the confidence they might have when they enter a room. I think it’s so psychological and I find that part of clothing fascinating like deep like when someone says like I can’t wear this is it’s too much I’m like Tell me more. Like, I’m just like, wanna, I wanna know all about like, where did that come from? Like, I, I, you know, when someone’s like, okay, I’ve changed now, I feel better. Like, I’m like, cool, what make, like, I’m so fascinated. Like, what makes us feel better? Yeah.

Maureen: You and me both, Harry. This is why I sit here with these headphones on, talking to people every week. I’m like, what are you wearing and why? I just wanna know. It’s so true. It’s just the most beautiful way of communicating and understanding from other people who you are and why, or how do you view yourself? What do you feel about yourself? Not that it means, like, not that there’s like, oh, if you dress like this, it means this thing, but it allows you to have a conversation or, you whatever. It’s about presentation, like, who we are inside on the outside. I mean, it’s the best.

Harriet: Yeah, and it’s this fun thing you get to play with. I always think we can learn so much from kids when I’m watching my nieces get dressed with a frozen dress mixed with cowboy boots. My sister was like, no, I literally can’t buy clothes for them anymore. And she’s five. My sister’s like, no, she has an opinion. And I kind of watch her get dressed and I’m like, she’s just having so much fun. There’s no right or wrong. And again, I’ll, you know, going to see her grandma, she’s like, I’m put my frozen boots on. She’s already figured out like, I’m going somewhere. This is like a place to share what I enjoy wearing with other people. And I just think it blows my mind how like, you know, it’s maybe so much younger than we think that we have this awareness of like how we present ourselves. And that exploring, I guess, creativity, you know, and self-expression through what we were.

Maureen: Do you remember what you wore as little kid?

Harriet: I do because I feel like as a kid I was very very sporty so I was obsessed with sport as a kid. I played a lot of tennis, so as a really small girl my mum did do the kind of like matching clothes with me and my sister, which I look back and I’m like that’s kind of cute now. But I remember hating as a kid—everything was color coordinated. It was like if she had a Mickey Mouse t-shirt, I had Minnie Mouse. Her sleeves were one color, my sleeves were another, and it was like matching sets, but our own colors. And I remember a lot of that, which makes sense, because it’s probably just easier for my mom to be like, cool, get two of those. Like, you know, again, it’s not that deep. Sometimes it is just not. And whenever I was in skirts or dresses, I was like, I can’t do cartwheels or the boys seeing my knickers. Like, at that point clothes were an obstacle. If I wasn’t wearing things that I felt comfortable in...and then as I became more sporty as I got older, I think I spent a lot of time with boys and girls, but with boys as well. And it was like, right, I need leggings, I need trainers so I can run. My clothes started to take on this need to keep up. And obviously, like I said, doing sports a lot, I found myself always in sports clothes, which A, was super comfortable, but it was also practical. There was that sense of like, I’m running a lot and playing a lot of sport.

And then I think around age 11, it was like I went totally the other way. My brain was just like, wait, wait, hang on. You know, Topshop was the coolest place in the world at this point. And I just remember, again, I was playing a lot of sport, and I don’t know if any other kids can relate to this, but there was a point where my mum was like—do you wanna go to sleepovers? She was a bit like, you love sport, but do you want this too? There was no like, I’m gonna go to Wimbledon, I’m gonna do this. But a lot of the people I was with had that mindset. Their parents were making the kids play tennis before school, and I used to play with the county. So it was one of those things where I could have started taking it seriously. But I think as is the way with me, I was like, this is just really fun. So I liked just doing it from that place.

And I think my mum realised quite early on—every time someone invited me to a sleepover, I had tennis camp or whatever. And she said, you can do that, we’ll support you if you wanna do it, but we just wanna check—do you wanna be a kid? Again, I was in lots of highly competitive scenarios. And I’m really grateful my mum did that because, for one, that’s where I realised I love makeup.

I remember the first time I went to a sleepover, and we all opened makeup bags and were swapping the free blusher we got with the magazines. Again, it just opened this world that I’d never—I’m the oldest, so I have a younger sister and a younger brother, but I’d never been around girls kind of going through puberty. That was my first foray into like, there’s this other world, and it involves glitter.

So I then went very hard the other way and was like, okay, yes, I want to go to sleepovers all the time, talk about clothes, and play with makeup, because this is also really fun.

Maureen: This whole line of conversation is perfectly segueing into my next question, which is—your expertise is super wide-ranging, as I said in the intro, but you refuse to be limited by labels. You wrote, I’ve worked hard to undo the belief that my identity comes from any one thing. I am a writer and I’m a content creator. I’m a writer and I talk about style. I’m a writer and I’m a daughter. I’m a writer and I’m a wife, I’m a writer and I’m a friend. There is not one thing I am or am not. I am so much more than what I do. How does this way of viewing yourself as so many different things all at once impact the decisions and choices that you make? How does this compare to earlier versions of yourself?

Harriet: I think—I mean, I want to be very honest. That piece of writing especially reflects where I’m at now and where I’ve been the past year. It hasn’t always felt that way. As much as I’ve always been the person that’s had lots of interests, I think in the past I have been like, okay, I need to be the best at something, I need to be really good at it. I’ve been very hard on myself—that has existed. And for various reasons, moving away from that has given me the flexibility to be like, you know what, we’re here for a good time, not a long time. So what is the point, and where has chasing joy been the majority of my decision-making? That might sound really immature to some people. I think past me would have thought, oh, that’s very unrealistic of you to think that way. But because I’ve been in highly competitive situations in the worlds that I’ve been in within my work, coming out of it has been like taking a step back and just saying—kind of like what we were saying about style evolving—your likes, your dislikes, the seasons you have in your life, really making space for the one you’re in right now.

And I think it’s that thing where I’m in a place personally where there are many days when I’m like, I have no idea what I’m doing. And there was a time when that terrified me. And I won’t lie, there are times when it still does. But more often than not, I’m like—how fascinating that we’re here. Because there was a part of me that would never have let myself be in this place before.

Especially when it comes to slowing down, especially when it comes to doing less and making space to be multiple things at once. To be in a season where maybe one thing is a priority for a while, and a different thing is a priority next month. I’m in a season of permission for myself to be whatever I need to be, and I’ve needed it so badly. That’s what I always come back to when my brain says—you’re not doing enough, you need to figure this out right now. I just come back to—you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. And there’s a lot of discomfort in that sometimes, because I think we’re taught—and it comes back to the style thing—we’re taught you should know it, you should figure it out, there’s an end goal, there’s a finish line. And the older I get—the more I’m about to turn 40—the more I understand this is just gonna keep evolving. There are going to be so many different seasons.

For me, I think I’m really trying to redefine my relationship with ambition to a place where it’s more fun and playful. When I first started writing, it was like—okay, I’m a writer, what’s the end goal? And I think now I’m like—well, I don’t really have an interest in trying to be a New York Times bestseller. If it happened, cool, that would be great. But it’s not an end goal. Writing actually makes me very present, because it’s just one post at a time. Whereas with Instagram, which I don’t really do anymore, it was very optimization-heavy and about getting as much done as possible in a short amount of time.

Whereas for me, writing—the fact I can even spend a week writing the same piece, which again, I know sounds very luxurious, but I want to, I’m taking that long because A, I can, and B, I want to. And I think noticing how much I’ve come back to long-form content, you know, I still do YouTube. But I’ve also come back to that I’m allowed to change my mind. I might want to go back to doing short-form content at some point. But right now, the season I’m in is about doing less and not having to do this to become X, Y, Z, or to have someone validate that I did good enough. It’s hard to unlearn. I’m going to be really honest. But I keep coming back to it. I just keep writing Substacks; I don’t have a content planner. I just keep writing because, for now, it gives me a lot. Like it really does give me a lot, and I love the people I’ve met through it—the fact I got to meet you. There are so many things that come out of just going after something because it feels right. That intuition, building trust with yourself—it all comes back to that.

Maureen: How do you feel after you’ve decided to hit publish on a post? What does that feel like?

Harriet: For the most part, really excited. I think that’s what’s different. There’s something about putting something out there where I’m like, that’s my point of view for today. It could be different in a week, but there’s something about it. Substack is like a body of work, and I treat it like work in a way that I’m committed to, but I’m still doing it because...You know, I’m in this season of trying lots of different things to see if maybe I’m meant to do a bit of this, a bit of that. And writing is the thing I keep coming back to for now. It feels like my—maybe not a security blanket—but it feels fun. And I love that after doing a lot of free content for many years, there’s something empowering about it.

I’ve done sponsorships, I have affiliate links, but it was never how I fully earned my living. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with doing that—I’m in awe of content creators who do it full time. But for me, I’ve always identified as a creative. A lot of my jobs have been creative, freelance, self-employed. There’s something refreshing about people paying for my work. Especially with Instagram or YouTube, the longer you do it, the more negative comments you get alongside the lovely ones. I often joke, if someone wants to talk s**t about me, they have to pay me first.

And there’s something really safe about that. I like that you don’t have to be here, but you’re welcome to join. Prioritizing my sanity and capacity is also important. Burnout is real, and I’ve suffered from it. I see other people either in burnout, going through it, or on the other side of it. So much of it is that we’re all trying to do everything and be everything. Even when I stepped back from Instagram, there was almost this pressure like, no, you should do it. But I was like, just because I should, who says?

Being a creative feels empowering when you can say, no, I’m just gonna spend more time here right now, even if it doesn’t make sense, even if there are “missed opportunities.” That’s how my brain sometimes sees it. Versus, no, this is just what feels good right now.

Maureen: I feel like you’re healing me, which is not your responsibility by any means, but I’m kind of speechless. I hope that’s okay. No, that was beautiful. There’s so much we’re unlearning around what it means to show up as ourselves, to make a living, be a good friend, a good writer, a good creative.

I just think what you’re saying now, and your whole newsletter, is a beautiful love letter to figuring it out—the meandering path rather than walking over a bridge.

Just anyone that hasn’t read your newsletter—can you stop watching this podcast, go look her up, and then come back? Seems highly unlikely, but just saying. I did want to talk about some of the things you’re kind of dabbling in or exploring.

Harriet: Thank you, Maureen.

Maureen: One of the questions I typically ask our guests is how they decide what to buy and where, but since you’re currently on a no-buy, I thought it would be more fun to talk about how you are deciding what to buy for your new bag and accessories resale endeavor. How do you know when there’s a piece you want to resell to your subscribers?

Harriet: This is a really fun question because it’s very easy to answer—I just feel like it’s something I would want. I found myself being like, you know, I’m at a really good point in my wardrobe for now. There’s not much room left at the end, and it’s starting to feel overwhelming again. I was like, I think I’m ready for another no-buy; I’m doing this one for six months, but I think it will… I’m almost more fascinated to see what it feels like doing it a second time after doing it for a year. But yeah, it comes down to things I would want to own. Obviously, in all honesty, if they don’t sell, I think, oh, well, I have to use these lovely handbags. But with secondhand especially, I want to de-stigmatize it. Can we just call it secondhand? I remember saying “pre-loved” in front of my husband once, and he was like, what? Pre-loved? He was like, am I allowed to swear? I said, do you want me not to? He said, that’s the most wanky thing I’ve ever heard. He’s British too, by the way. And I was like, okay, fair.

Maureen: Tell me you’re British without telling me you’re British.

Harriet: I’ve been a big RealReal shopper; I’ve bought…Very low price pieces, very high-end pieces secondhand. It’s funny about that term—we had to give it a term to justify spending a certain amount. And I think some people prefer saying “pre-loved” versus “secondhand” as if secondhand is less prestigious. For me, this handbag endeavor excites me because some pieces will be lower-end, others several hundreds. One person’s “a lot” is another person’s “not much.” But no matter your budget, secondhand gives the most bang for your buck and the best chance of high-quality pieces. You just have to know what to look for. I grew up doing this. My mum, before thrifting was cool in England—we called them charity shops—taught me and my sister how to find leather, how to check labels, which brands to look for. I grew up very clued up on that, and I’m grateful.

When I first moved to London as a “starving artist,” living in a tiny room I couldn’t stand up in, I used to buy things and sell them on eBay. I’d go into thrift stores, see, like, a pair of Chanel shoes for 30 pounds, and think, okay, that’s at least 200 whatever back then. I got very good at knowing how to find things.

I’ve fallen back in love with secondhand, not just one price point or brand. It’s about things being lived-in and used. In the past, I would baby new expensive things. I’d panic if a bag got a scratch. I couldn’t be present—I’d worry about my bag at lunch with someone. Coming back to secondhand has been freeing. I still treasure my pieces and take care of them, but without the anxiety that pulls me away from the person I’m with or the place I’m in. They’re just wonderful things that add character to my outfit. And you can find something great if you know where to look, regardless of your budget.

Maureen: Are you taking requests?

Harriet: Well, this is the funny thing. When the handbag drop launches, it’s just going to be— I think it’s going to be 10 pieces. I think I’m finished; we’ve started shooting all the pieces. I’m also going to be offering a secondhand sourcing service. So I’m actually going to be offering a service where you can request items. I’m very excited about that.

Maureen: Ooh. Well, I’ve seen some of your selects, and I was like, gosh, I don’t think I need bags… but do I need bags?

Harriet: You’ve had a sneak peek. It’s funny because I was doing a PC the other day about how big my wardrobe really is. Bags have always… I think some people are “shoe people,” where they can’t walk past a shoe shop without looking. I’m realizing this more as I get older—I love shoes, I love every category, but blazers and bags… I can literally feel like I’m walking around in a dustbin bag, and if I have a good bag, I feel like I’m wearing head-to-toe Schiaparelli and diamonds.

Maureen: What is it about— I mean, I have thoughts on bags as well. They’re amazing. But what is it about a bag that’s so… special?

Harriet: I was trying to think this the other day. Clothes sit on your body, whereas a bag you kind of pick up and put down. And again, the psychology in me is like, I can see a lot of cultural influences we’ve grown up with… But a big part of it for me is that I love craftsmanship. I love leather, I love stitching. There’s something… this is embarrassing, but I’ll buy a bag and put it somewhere I can see it, just stare at it, and say, “You’re so pretty.” People do this with shoes too, but sometimes with my bags I just admire them. And there’s something about construction. I’ve honestly had the conversation with myself: do I want to learn how to be a cobbler? Do I want to go to leather school? Do I want to learn how to handcraft bags? I don’t have answers right now, but it makes sense why I’m starting with bags as this secondhand drop—just to see. I’ve picked pieces similar to ones I already own, so I’m excited to show that people can now get these.

The craftsmanship is so tactile. Leather is like skin—it ages. There’s something metaphorical in that too. My first designer bag was a Mulberry Bayswater. I wanted it because of all the images I’d seen of battered, patina’d leather. No two bags age the same, which gives each its own fingerprint. Bags age with stories; every mark is a memory—from mundane moments to magic ones. They can even be handed down. Some clothing may not last generations, but I can imagine my niece wearing my bags. That’s so cool.

Maureen: Yeah. You’re reminding me I should raid my mom’s purse closet. That’s beautiful. I love bags. And like you said, they’re tactile. You’re literally holding them in your hands. That’s satisfying. We can wear a shirt or jacket, but a bag…

Harriet: Yeah, there’s a feel to it.

Maureen: This is weird too, but I’ve started to try eating with my hands a little more. I feel like something about letting myself—or even cooking with my hands rather than using tongs—feels really good. I wonder if that ties into the bag thing too.

Harriet: That makes a lot of sense. I recently had back surgery, which healed really well, but obviously I couldn’t wear a bra for two weeks. Similar to what you were saying, when one sense is limited… for me it was like, I can’t wear certain things right now. I found myself exploring senses differently. I got really into fragrance—I like fragrance. I was like, oh my god, this is now the best part of my day—choosing a perfume—because I’m pretty much wearing the same two dresses every day. That’s fine, but I became genuinely obsessed with fragrance in a way I don’t think I could have anticipated. I’ve always worn perfume, but now it’s like, I want to layer, I want to experiment. It’s like shopping with what I already own in a really fun way. Because I’d taken away one sense, it emphasized another.

Maureen: One thing I’m hearing through everything you’re saying is that you choose to stay open, present, and attuned to your situation, and that provides so much value. In Western culture, when we’re in pain, anger, or sadness, there’s not much support for paying attention to that. Instead, we’re taught to numb or run away. But you illustrate that maybe that’s not the best approach. Being present can open us up to opportunities we didn’t even know existed. Do you feel that’s your experience? How did you get to this point of openness?

Harriet: I don’t think there’s an easy answer. I’ve been closed off in certain ways for many years. The best way I can describe it is that I was always “operating.” I’m a very good doer—give me a task, I’ll do it—but sometimes you need a pause to ask, “Where am I? What am I doing? Is this the direction I want to go in?” Breaking life down into seasons has helped me a lot.

Sometimes life feels overwhelming. As someone who’s struggled with depression, the concept of life itself can feel huge. I have to remind myself it’s made up of lots of seasons. Life will throw different things at me, many of which I won’t predict. And I’m grateful for the life I have. Sometimes we feel pressure to make the most of every single moment.

I’ve learned a lot from others. I’ve become obsessed with Italy, reading Elena Ferrante books. Seeing other ways of living is so good—it reminds us that no place is perfect, but there are other ways to exist. My uncle and aunt live in Bulgaria, off the land, in a tiny mountain cabin. They love building, making things with their hands. They’re some of the happiest people I’ve met. I feel like a sponge these days—I want to experience as much as I can. Experiencing life fully feels like waking up again. Sometimes depression feels like going to sleep for a long time. And when I’m in these periods of “oh no, I’m awake,” I’m like, oh my gosh, I can see the colors, I can smell the perfume. It feels overwhelming sometimes, but in a good way. There’s all this magic. I always come back to doing things with my hands—I think that’s the born creative in me. We’re all born creatives, to be very clear.

Recently, I’ve been making leather journals, making candles. The hardest thing to override was the voice saying, “Now I should sell these,” that millennial urge to monetize every hobby. I am that millennial. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’ve been reminding myself it’s okay to just let myself create.

I spend time making something, and it doesn’t have to be quantified—how much money it made, how much time it took. I’m really jealous of anyone who’s always had this mindset. But I’m good at relearning lessons over and over again.

That tactile need—to make something with my hands—I lean into a lot now. Sometimes it’s a Substack post, sometimes it’s writing, sometimes a candle. I’m going to see my sister in September, and I’m so excited to craft with my nieces. They’re at an age where we can do it together.

We’ll probably do loom band jewelry—that’s their favorite. We’ll also bake, color, make journals, because I’ve journaled my whole life. My mom kept most of them, and they’re hilarious. Reading something you wrote at seven years old—there’s nothing better. Like, “Highlight of today: I ate spaghetti.”

It doesn’t get much deeper than that, but I always come back to things with my hands.

Maureen: Your childlike wonder is magical. It’s contagious. We’re coming up on time, so I have one last question.

Harriet: Aww, thank you. That’s nice.

Maureen: What advice would you give someone trying to build a wardrobe that feels intuitive and authentic?

Harriet: Observe, experiment, there’s no rush. Curiosity and creativity are the two words I love most in my wardrobe. Creativity doesn’t mean trying to look like Iris Apfel every day. It exists in jeans and a t-shirt too. If you’ve never worn jeans and a t-shirt, give yourself space to try it. See what you like or don’t.

Experimentation is key. I believe in wardrobe playdates—literally trying combinations you’ve never thought of. Swap one item for another. Feel fabrics on your skin. Consider practicality: your lifestyle may affect what works. Explore ideas, like a smaller heel if big heels don’t suit your day-to-day. Pick the bits that speak to you and play.

Maureen: Yeah. Can’t agree more. Just play. It doesn’t have to be so serious.

Where can people find you?

Harriet: Definitely Substack—Harry Styles By Harriet Hadfield. I also have a YouTube channel, Harry Makes It Up, where I experiment creatively. Substack is where I hang out most.

Maureen: And for anyone who wants to get in on your bag resale?

Harriet: Subscribers get first dibs. Once it’s live, it’ll be available at harryhadfield.com.

Maureen: Fabulous. I’ll link to everything in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining me—it’s been a delight. Part two is definitely needed.

Harriet: Thank you! I could talk with you for hours.

Outro

Intuitive Style is produced, edited, and hosted by me, Maureen McLennon Welton. Our theme music is by Tim Reed and Jacob Welton.

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