Everyone loves an origin story, right? Not the Bloodsucking Feminists, who in this case firmly believe that this is one origin story that should have remained untold.

Be prepared for more talk about the Universal Monsters and the upcoming reboot (and how Dracula Untold failed to be a part of the latest attempt), how the film missed both opportunities in using the life of Vlad Tepes as well as basic historical facts, and the large percentage of white people in the film. And brownface, just to top things off.

If you need us, we’ll be in a cave with vampire Charles Dance, pretending we never watched this film.

Title: Franchise Bait