We've got a pair of short Cinderella stories for you, which has lead us to the conclusion that there are two many of these, and we're going to have the One True Cinderella story.

This episode brought to you by executive producer Allison (Awalk) , Aarne-Thompson type 881a, "the Abandoned Bride Disguised as a Man"

Suggested talking points: John Waterbubbler, wooden dresses, plankmail, citrus vagrants, Bobby Flaymingo, pearl jammies, ear cheese, The Christmas Slipper: a Netflix Special, a father figure to boats, d'Aulnoy quick rips

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