Music: Majestic Nature by Craig Stuart Garfinkle

Artwork by Steve English

The script:

Episode 23 - A Trap is Set

It would have been a reasonably straightforward process to recover the vacuum cleaner, if it hadn’t been for the weight of the thing. However, after a prolonged period of pushing, shoving, lifting and carefully lowering, the old machine was finally back down in the Manor proper. The Baron was delighted to be able to lift up the steps-cum-stairs contraption and shut the attic door once again.

He wiped his brow with a disgusting handkerchief taken from one of his many pockets and stood looking at the old vacuum in the light of day. As he inspected the awful machine, he was aware of two other sets of eyes watching him. One was from outside the round window at the end of the landing. The other, high on the wall to one side, was accompanied by chewing noises. Quite how Stokesley moved around the Manor so quickly, the Baron didn't know - and he certainly didn't like it!

Usually, when you revisit something from your past that frightened you, you realise you just perceived it that way. When it's in front of you once again, the reality isn't as bad as you remembered. That wasn't the case here. For, as he looked at the old machine, the Baron thought, if anything, it looked even more menacing than before. Somehow, it seemed to affect the light around it, making the whole area darker.

As he stood looking at the vacuum cleaner and recovering his breath, the Baron heard a noise behind him at the large, circular window at the end of the landing. He knew it was Cod so didn't turn at once but, when he did, there was Cod still at centre of the window, but his expression had changed. The look on Cod's face was one of grave concern. Although, to be honest, Cod was a gargoyle and gargoyles were made with fearsome faces – which in Cod's case was a fearsome fish face – so it was hard to know what any expression really meant. The Baron was assuming it was grave concern, but it could have been a laugh for all he knew. As it happened, this time he was right, Cod was worried!

Stokesley, for his part, was still enjoying the Baron’s pain from earlier – it could be quite dull being a moose head and having to live on the wall.

=

Now that the Baron had finished the problematic process of retrieving the old vacuum cleaner all on his own, everyone else turned up!

'Oh, if you'd have waited a moment Archie, I'd have given you a hand getting that down,' said Roseberry as she wobbled up, first shooting Stokesley a cross look and then inspecting the vacuum cleaner over the top of her glasses.

'Shall I take it to the kitchen, sir?' asked Thornton as he appeared at the other end of the landing.

The Baron would have loved to have said 'yes'. The problem was, that there were two flights of stairs to go down, and Thornton was, shall we say, 'past his prime'. So, if he had agreed, the chances of both the vacuum cleaner and Thornton arriving in the kitchen intact were reasonably low. Loudly thanking Thornton for his kind offer, the Baron politely refused and started to drag it down the stairs with Thornton muttering something about 'lack of gratitude' behind him.

Horatio was strangely absent, bearing in mind all the noise the vacuum had made when being tested. Even when the cleaner finally arrived in the kitchen, Horatio was still nowhere to be seen.

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Despite it taking the Baron quite a while to manoeuvre the beastly machine down to the kitchen, he still managed to arrive before Roseberry and Thornton. During that time, the Baron made sure the replacement bag he’d fitted was firmly attached. Once that was done, he sat down to nurse the numerous little bumps, scratches and other inexplicable wounds he'd managed to acquire while relocating the vacuum cleaner. By the time Roseberry and Thornton did turn up, it was mid-afternoon. In the intervening time, the Baron had managed to brew tea, drink said tea, eat a homemade cake,...