Correcting Comparison

On our last podcast, we talked about the dangers of comparing ourselves and our marriages to others. We explained that comparison never comes alone. It brings discontentment, resentment, and dishonesty with it. When all of these things are operating in our marriages, conflict, and dysfunction will happen, or at the very least it will be an extremely unhappy relationship. So although comparison seems harmless, it’s not.

Let’s look at ways we can correct comparisons in our lives and our marriage.

Correcting Comparison

The first thing we need to do when it comes to comparison is to take inventory. Take a week or so and really observe your behaviors. When and where do you see comparison happening the most? For most of us, it is on social media but there can be other places as well. Once you have identified the times you are most susceptible, it is time to remove those triggers, and we can do that in several ways.

 

Removing Triggers

• The first way is to hit the Unfollow Button

If there is a certain person(s)/account you are constantly comparing yourself to online it is time to hit the unfollow button. You may not want to unfollow these people but if you are walking away from their feed feeling like you or your marriage does not measure up, unfollowing them is the healthiest thing you can do.

• Choose Your Friends Wisely

Let’s go a step further in this removal process. Do you have “friends” that you are constantly comparing yourself or your marriage to? Do you have “friends” who like to make their life seem absolutely fantastic while making you feel insignificant?I emphasize the word “friends” because if you have this type of person in your life they are NOT your friend.

•  Take a full own Social Media Fast

Perhaps unfollowing a few people is all you need to do, if so that’s great. But for some of us, a full-on fast may be in order. To really stop comparing ourselves to others we may need to take a break from social media altogether for a while. 

Remember we all have different triggers we just touched on a few. The goal here is to remove as many of them as possible, in order to focus on you and your marriage.

So, take a few days and really take inventory. Your trigger may not be listed above but if something or someone is affecting you or your marriage negatively it is time to remove it.

Find Your Strengths

Once we have removed the triggers that have been stealing our joy, it is time to start replenishing our joy. Let’s look at a few ways we can do that.

• Do Some Evaluation by Asking Questions

1. What are you good at?

2. What are areas you love about yourself/your spouse? Physical, Spiritual, Emotional.

3. What is your spouse good at?

4. Is there something unique about your marriage?

5. What do you love about your spouse and marriage?

When we find the answers to these questions we are finding the good about ourselves and our marriages. When we see the good it brings joy. 

Psalm 139 makes it plain that we were created good! 

I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.

Speak Gratitude

Our final tip for correcting comparison is very simple. Once you have spotted your and your spouse’s strengths, the things you are both good at. Start showing gratitude.

• Be proud of yourself when you accomplish something you have been working toward.

• Brag on your spouse when you see them walking in their strength. Be a person that just speaks life over your spouse daily! You will be surprised what consistent affirmation can do for a person! 

• Celebrate the wins when you handle something well that used to be a struggle.

There is nothing wrong with spotting the good and speaking up about it. 

A Life Without Comparison is Possible

Comparison is easy to do, but nothing good will come of it. We will be left with discontentment and jealousy if we allow comparison to be a part of our lives. Above are just three steps you can take to correct comparison and start replenishing the joy in your life and marriage, but there are other ways to correct this as well.

So find what works for you and make the changes that you need to make to bring joy back to you and your marriage. Remember God made you and your marriage unique! Find that and embrace it!

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com