Do you make these 10 common mistakes in a conversation?

 

Conversation is key! It is the way we form all of our relationships, whether it’s through text, on the phone, or belly to belly.

 

Top 10 Mistakes

 

Not Listening

Most people do not actively listen.

They just wait for their turn to talk

When you do this, you cannot possibly contribute to the conversation in the best ways

Stop being lazy and learn to actually listenYou will pick up on more potential paths in the conversation

 

If someone says:

‘I went to the mall last weekend with a couple friends.’

 

You could say:

‘What mall did you go to?’

‘So you love shopping?’

‘What all did you guys do at the mall?’

‘Did you see any great deals?’

‘What were you guys shopping for?’

etc.

 

The person will delve deeper into the subject, giving you more info to work with and more paths to choose from.

 

If they say something like ‘Oh I don’t know’ at first, don’t give up

Prod a little further

Ask again

They do know, they just have to think a little more

As they start to open up the conversation becomes more interesting because it isn’t on autopilot anymore.

 

 

Asking too many questions

If you ask too many questions, the conversation can feel like an interrogation.

Or like you don’t have much to contribute

Mix questions with statements

 

Continuing the conversation above, you could skip the question and say:

‘Yeah it’s so great to get away with your friends for the weekend. We just went shopping for an event at the end of the month.’

‘Nice. We always go to Greenwood Mall when we can, you should check it out!’

 

Conversation can then flow from there

You can talk about the different malls you go to, your event at the end of the month, etc.

 

 

Tightening Up

When in a new conversation or when the usual topics are exhausted

An awkward silence or mood might appear.

You may become nervous or worried not knowing exactly why

 

You can always talk about current eventsNews

Water cooler topics: shows and cultural news (latest episode of ____)

Choose something from your surroundings.Aquarium

That girls cool Halloween costume

The music playlist

Great way to start new conversations

Assume RapportIf you feel nervous or weird about meeting someone for the first time

Imagine how you would feel when you meet one of your best friends

Pretend that your new acquaintance is one of your bf’s.

Don’t overdo it with touchiness right away

But if you do this, you will greet new people in a positive emotional state.

You will begin talking with a smile and a relaxed attitude

It may sound loopy but it really works.

 

 

Poor Delivery

One of most important parts of a conversation

Not what you say, but how you say it.

A change in these habits can make a big difference

Since voice and body language are vital parts of communication

 

Things to think about:

Slowing downWhen you get excited it’s easier to talk faster and faster.

Try to slow down

It makes it easier for people to listen and to actually get your point across

Speaking upDon’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.

Speak clearly. Don’t mumble

Speak with emotionNo one listens if you speak with a monotone voice.

Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.

Use pausesSmall pauses between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation.

People will start listening more attentively

Improve your body languageMakes delivery much more effective

 

 

Hogging the Spotlight

Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight

Don’t interrupt someone to divert attention back to yourself

Don’t hijack their story about skiing before it’s finished to share your best skiing story.

Find a balance between listening and talking

 

 

Having to be right

Avoid arguing and having to be right about everything

A lot of times, conversations aren’t really a discussion.

Its more of a way to keep the good mood going

No one will be impressed if you ‘win’ every conversation

Sit back, relax and just keep the good feelings going

 

 

Talking about weird or negative topics

If you are just getting to know someone, it’s best to avoid certain topicsTalking about your bad health or relationships

your crappy job or boss

serial killers

technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands

or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation

You may also want to save religion and politics for conversations with your friends.

 

 

Being boring

Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings

Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people.

Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic tis running out of steam

 

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life.

Focus on the positive stuff

Don’t whine about your circumstances. People don’t want to hear it.

Talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny story that happened last week, your plans for the upcoming holiday, your new business or blog, or something funny and exciting.

 

Another way is to just be genuinely interesting

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way to say that they way to make friends is to be one.” Dale Carnegie

 

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to steer the conversation back to your favorite subject is a nice quality

Open up a bitDon’t cling desperately to one topic

If you can avoid this

You will come across as a person who can talk about many things with ease.

This quality is something that is appreciated in conversation

It makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily

 

 

Not Reciprocating

Open up and say what you think, share how you feel.

If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one with them

Don’t just stand there nodding and answering with short sentences.

If someone invests emotionally into a conversation, they want you to as well.

 

You can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move.

Be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation

One way is to replace questions with statements.

It makes you less passive.

 

 

 

Not Contributing Much

You may feel that you don’t have much to contribute, but try anyways

Be interested in what others say

Ask questions

Make relating statements

 

Open your eyes.

Develop your observational skillsPick up on interesting things in your surroundings

iDevelop your personal knowledge bankBy expanding your view of interesting things in the world.

Read newspapers and keep an eye on new water cooler topics

Work on your body language, assume rapport

 

 

Wrapping up

 

Don’t do it all at once

Pick out the 3 most important things that you feel needs improving.

Work on them everyday for 3-4 weeks.

Notice the difference and keep at it

Soon you will form new habits for your conversations