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Featuring: Martha — Former U.S. Customs and Border Protection agent, El Paso. Served 14 years of a 20-year federal sentence. Runtime: ~54 min Release Date: 7/25/26
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In the last episode, a man cooperated with the feds for six and a half years and walked free. This is the other half of that story. Martha was a federal agent for thirteen years. When the government wanted information she didn't have, her "I don't know" got written down as "refusing to cooperate." She did fourteen years for a bag of marijuana they never found. Same border. Same machinery. Opposite answer. This is what it costs to have nothing to give.
The moment you regret is almost never the moment it all went wrong. It's the earlier one — the moment you saw it going wrong, said so out loud, and chose not to change course anyway, because changing course meant admitting you'd already made a mistake you didn't know how to undo. Martha saw the red flag. She told the people around her about it. Then she stayed. The gap between noticing and acting is where the regret lives.
Sit in the trap with me for a second, because most of you have never had to. How do you prove you don't know something? You can't. There's no evidence for the absence of knowledge, nothing to point to, no document that shows what never entered your head. The DEA asked Martha about a dead man's business and her honest answer — I don't know — became proof she was hiding something, because the alternative didn't serve them. If she genuinely knew nothing, then arresting her accomplished nothing. So they decided she was refusing. Her empty hands became clenched fists. And here's the part that should land closer to home than federal prison: you do this to the people in your life all the time. You decide what their silence means. You decide the gap in their story is defiance instead of the truth. You fill the absence with the worst version because the worst version is the one that lets you do what you'd already decided to do. The system did it to Martha with a fourteen-year sentence. You do it across a dinner table. The machinery is the same size. Only the stakes are different.
Think of the last time someone told you they didn't know, didn't remember, didn't mean it — and you decided they were lying. Maybe they were. But ask yourself how you decided. Did you have evidence they knew? Or did you have a story you needed to be true, and their "I don't know" got in the way of it? The feds couldn't tell the difference between Martha's ignorance and Martha's defiance because the difference didn't pay them. What's it paying you to assume the worst about somebody's silence? Sit with that before you collect on it.
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Next time, the other side of the table. A DEA analyst who sat across from a man selling fake cancer drugs to dying kids, met a thirteen-year-old who'd killed twenty people, and watched fourth graders recite how to cook crack. He'll tell you the thing you don't want to hear: the logic running through all of them is the same one running through you. You have more in common with them than you'll ever admit.
Host: Deana Martin, The Fairy GodFelon Guest: Martha G., former CBP agent Production: American Regret
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By American RegretFeaturing: Martha — Former U.S. Customs and Border Protection agent, El Paso. Served 14 years of a 20-year federal sentence. Runtime: ~54 min Release Date: 7/25/26
Get every episode before you go looking for it: Join the list!
In the last episode, a man cooperated with the feds for six and a half years and walked free. This is the other half of that story. Martha was a federal agent for thirteen years. When the government wanted information she didn't have, her "I don't know" got written down as "refusing to cooperate." She did fourteen years for a bag of marijuana they never found. Same border. Same machinery. Opposite answer. This is what it costs to have nothing to give.
The moment you regret is almost never the moment it all went wrong. It's the earlier one — the moment you saw it going wrong, said so out loud, and chose not to change course anyway, because changing course meant admitting you'd already made a mistake you didn't know how to undo. Martha saw the red flag. She told the people around her about it. Then she stayed. The gap between noticing and acting is where the regret lives.
Sit in the trap with me for a second, because most of you have never had to. How do you prove you don't know something? You can't. There's no evidence for the absence of knowledge, nothing to point to, no document that shows what never entered your head. The DEA asked Martha about a dead man's business and her honest answer — I don't know — became proof she was hiding something, because the alternative didn't serve them. If she genuinely knew nothing, then arresting her accomplished nothing. So they decided she was refusing. Her empty hands became clenched fists. And here's the part that should land closer to home than federal prison: you do this to the people in your life all the time. You decide what their silence means. You decide the gap in their story is defiance instead of the truth. You fill the absence with the worst version because the worst version is the one that lets you do what you'd already decided to do. The system did it to Martha with a fourteen-year sentence. You do it across a dinner table. The machinery is the same size. Only the stakes are different.
Think of the last time someone told you they didn't know, didn't remember, didn't mean it — and you decided they were lying. Maybe they were. But ask yourself how you decided. Did you have evidence they knew? Or did you have a story you needed to be true, and their "I don't know" got in the way of it? The feds couldn't tell the difference between Martha's ignorance and Martha's defiance because the difference didn't pay them. What's it paying you to assume the worst about somebody's silence? Sit with that before you collect on it.
Related Episodes:
Join the Conversation HERE
Mentioned in this episode:
Next time, the other side of the table. A DEA analyst who sat across from a man selling fake cancer drugs to dying kids, met a thirteen-year-old who'd killed twenty people, and watched fourth graders recite how to cook crack. He'll tell you the thing you don't want to hear: the logic running through all of them is the same one running through you. You have more in common with them than you'll ever admit.
Host: Deana Martin, The Fairy GodFelon Guest: Martha G., former CBP agent Production: American Regret
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean