Welcome back! Wow. Hulk Hogan got a massive settlement from Gawker. Too bad Death has no other 80s wrestlers to visit. He better spend it soon.

Dave doesn't yell at strangers anymore. This leads to a great story about Matt and a steak knife.

Speaking of Matt and eating utensils. Matt can't handle how good Quaker Instant Oatmeal is. He has sworn off goose liver and caged lamb.

Todd used to play on roofs as a child. Now he only goes up there to install missing shingles. This leads to Todd's hardware store grading system, based on their artisanal grape sodas.

Matt's daughter has a new paddle at school that is used to tell children when you feel left out. It can also be used to appropriately beat the child who wields it.

Lastly, Matt took his daughter to an enormous Cos Play event in Chicago, allowing Matt to pretend that he was dressing up as Luke Skywalker for his kid.

We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail [email protected].

And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest.

Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it!