Suzy Qs are back, and they're even bigger garbage than the ones from your childhood.

Dave saw Magic Leap augmented reality, and realized that it and nothing else is the future. Then he threw his Oculus Rift in the toilet, because really, what's the point?

Todd bought his wife perfume, like a seventeen-year-old looking for a prom date.

Matt's looking at several schools for his daughter, Viva. One's locked down like a prison because it's in Chicago. One is Catholic, so the steeple bursts into flames every time Matt walks in. The third is for billionaires, and made Matt sad to realize that rich people always win.

Todd's daughter will not under any circumstances allow her loose teeth to be pulled out of her head. Thus, we have another great story about suffering in a dentist's chair.

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