I'm feeling crummy, on top of crummy. I think I have pneumonia.

Also, I'm going through a depression. In my life depression has been cyclical. It comes around every 3-5 years. One thing that's difficult is that I deceive myself each time thinking that I've somehow "licked" depression. So when it comes back, it is accompanied by a sense of failure.

Living with pain and illness, my mind is a place of refuge. So to have it be a place of difficulty and anguish makes the days longer and harder. It amplifies my experience of pain. I think that if depression had a tag line it would be "what's it all for," or "nothing matters." But this depression has a different flavor. I'm just trolling myself. All the critics are chiming in and are the loudest voice in the room. And right now none of my tools for quieting those are working.

I share this because: I told you I'd be truthful. But also, because you may relate. I'm working on this with my therapist. I'm also trying to understand ways in which this depression might be trying to serve me. What do I need to learn? Are there truths that I need to uncover?

Do you live with depression? What do you do with the critical voices in your head?

I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness.

Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.