In this episode of INSPIRE: Life and Leadership Conversations That Go Deeper, Drew Lawson and Steve continue their exploration of identity by diving into the Unwanted Selves and Exiled Parts we often try to hide. Using Drew’s three-circle bullseye framework, they name the difference between False Selves (who we pretend to be), Unwanted Selves(who we don’t want to be), and the True Self (who we’re created to be).

 

Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Brené Brown’s work on shame, Drew and Steve unpack how unwanted selves—the voices of shame and wounds from our formative years—often drive us into false identities. They explore the “Big Brother” metaphor, showing how protective identities like the Achiever, Pleaser, or Perfectionist try to keep us safe by covering up fears of being seen as stupid, incompetent, not enough, or lazy.

 

The conversation also highlights the psychology of the Wounded Child (the vulnerable, shamed parts of us) and the Adaptive Child (the protective strategies we learned to survive). These patterns, while once necessary, can keep us disconnected from joy, creativity, and love if left unexamined.

 

Through stories, metaphors, and reflection questions, this episode invites listeners to:

 

• Recognize the unwanted voices they carry.

• Understand the cost of exiling parts of themselves.

• Begin practicing compassion and integration—naming, noticing, and nurturing the exiled parts so the True Self can lead with wisdom and wholeness.

 

 

Far from being unworthy, these unwanted selves point us toward healing, self-compassion, and the journey from brokenness to belovedness.