Pants has a run-in with the scary shovel guy from Home Alone. Bags is lost at sea. Are Amber Alerts more effective than milk cartons? (Yes). And finally, we're not as witty as we think we are.

0 Pants has an IMDB page

5 We'll do a greater than median job.

9 What's In Your Glass?

12 Are Amber Alerts more effective than milk cartons?

17:30 Pants has to at least try ASMR 

24 Bags is lost at sea

40 DOUBLE BRAD

46 Pants makes a goddamn drink

54 Backstory: Hero Dad

56 #WorstSong to have as your ringtone during a job interview

1:09 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?