This week, we check out another Donald G. Jackson true-original: 1986's Roller Blade. If you've ever wondered what the world would be like in a post-apocalyptic alternative universe, in which the '80s never died, everyone travels by roller skate, and the dialect is inexplicably King James-inspired, this is the flick for you! The Cosmic Order of Roller Blade (led by Mother Speed) faces off against the evil Doctor Saticoy and the results have to be seen to be believed. On this episode: a holy healing hot-tub, roving skateboard punks, a clumsy kidnapping victim (and our own childhood struggles with skates), a sentient hand puppet, the utility of roller skates for paraplegics, ubiquitous butterfly knives, weapons as "tools of healing", arbitrary resurrection limits, a magical dog, and the divinity of smiley-faces.