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Episode 49: The Richness of Interdependence with Dr. Deon Cox-Hayley: What Geriatric Medicine Can Teach Us About Motherhood
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Dr. Deon Cox-Hayley is a geriatrician, author, mom, and grandma. Her career treating elderly patients gave her unique insight into who ages well—and who struggles. The fiercely independent approach American culture glorifies often backfires. This conversation explores how interdependence shapes both aging and motherhood, and the richness that happens when we prepare for needing help instead of pretending we never will.
Main Topics & Discussion
The Responsibility No One Warns You About: Dr. Deon remembers early motherhood's shock wasn't the love—it was the weight of responsibility. That sense of responsibility, she now realizes, prepared her for the full-spectrum caregiving she does today: writing, caring for her 89-year-old parents, watching her grandchildren. The thread connecting early motherhood to eldercare is that same feeling—profound responsibility for people you love.
What Chicago's South Side Taught a Geriatrician: Working at the University of Chicago in a predominantly African American community changed how Dr. Deon understood aging. There were no nursing homes in the area—multigenerational caregiving was the cultural norm. Families cared for bed-bound relatives right in their dining rooms, with teenage grandchildren learning to troubleshoot medical equipment. One 102 year-old woman lived independently despite having no family or financial resources because she'd spent decades building chosen family through tutoring, mentoring, and church involvement. When she needed help, that community reciprocated. Dr. Deon contrasts this with patients who insisted they could do everything themselves—until they suddenly couldn't, and found themselves isolated.
Three Themes for Aging Well: Dr. Deon's book outlines three patterns among people who aged well: cultivating interdependence rather than clinging to independence, living in the present moment, and staying other-centered rather than self-absorbed. The measuring stick for "aging well" isn't perfect health—it's contentedness versus deep dissatisfaction. The parallel to motherhood is striking: accepting help, being present with your kids, serving your family and community—these aren't just survival strategies for new moms, they're lifelong practices.
Links & Discount Codes:
8Sheep Organics: Click this link for 10% off your purchase!
Kindred Bravely: THEREALMOMHUB15 for 15% off!
Host & Show Info
Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary
About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.
Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/
Like what you hear? Let us know!
- Rate & Review on Apple Podcasts & Spotify – Help others discover the show!
- Join the Conversation – Join us on social (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok), or send us a message at [email protected] to let us know what you'd like to hear more of.
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By Cally and Emily O'LearySend us a text
Dr. Deon Cox-Hayley is a geriatrician, author, mom, and grandma. Her career treating elderly patients gave her unique insight into who ages well—and who struggles. The fiercely independent approach American culture glorifies often backfires. This conversation explores how interdependence shapes both aging and motherhood, and the richness that happens when we prepare for needing help instead of pretending we never will.
Main Topics & Discussion
The Responsibility No One Warns You About: Dr. Deon remembers early motherhood's shock wasn't the love—it was the weight of responsibility. That sense of responsibility, she now realizes, prepared her for the full-spectrum caregiving she does today: writing, caring for her 89-year-old parents, watching her grandchildren. The thread connecting early motherhood to eldercare is that same feeling—profound responsibility for people you love.
What Chicago's South Side Taught a Geriatrician: Working at the University of Chicago in a predominantly African American community changed how Dr. Deon understood aging. There were no nursing homes in the area—multigenerational caregiving was the cultural norm. Families cared for bed-bound relatives right in their dining rooms, with teenage grandchildren learning to troubleshoot medical equipment. One 102 year-old woman lived independently despite having no family or financial resources because she'd spent decades building chosen family through tutoring, mentoring, and church involvement. When she needed help, that community reciprocated. Dr. Deon contrasts this with patients who insisted they could do everything themselves—until they suddenly couldn't, and found themselves isolated.
Three Themes for Aging Well: Dr. Deon's book outlines three patterns among people who aged well: cultivating interdependence rather than clinging to independence, living in the present moment, and staying other-centered rather than self-absorbed. The measuring stick for "aging well" isn't perfect health—it's contentedness versus deep dissatisfaction. The parallel to motherhood is striking: accepting help, being present with your kids, serving your family and community—these aren't just survival strategies for new moms, they're lifelong practices.
Links & Discount Codes:
8Sheep Organics: Click this link for 10% off your purchase!
Kindred Bravely: THEREALMOMHUB15 for 15% off!
Host & Show Info
Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary
About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.
Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/
Like what you hear? Let us know!
- Rate & Review on Apple Podcasts & Spotify – Help others discover the show!
- Join the Conversation – Join us on social (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok), or send us a message at [email protected] to let us know what you'd like to hear more of.
- Share this epis...