What happens when TV’s most tortured protector faces off against TV’s most organized psychopath? This week, it’s Joel Miller (The Last of Us) vs Dexter Morgan (Dexter) in a battle of emotionally stunted murder men who just want what’s best for their very specific version of the world.

We break down who wins in a shootout, a sneak attack, or a long weekend of shared grief and moral ambiguity. We unpack Joel’s Zaddy energy, Dexter’s surgical kill routine, and—yes—we accidentally go off on Rita for a while. Sorry, Rita fans. She catches a few strays.

Plus: martial arts analysis, a death count audit, and the definitive answer to whether Dexter and Joel could swap roles.