Hey there, polka fans, it’s your accordion-slammin’ host, Jeff, droppin’ the spiciest news roundup this side of the Rio Grande! Episode 5, “Your Mom Stole the Kishka,” is a skankin’ fiesta, spinnin’ May 25–31, 2025, with a zip that’s hotter than a border wall barbecue. I’m dishin’ 21 headlines in a pop/ska polka, from Macron’s Hanoi slap to Greenwald’s skirt-liftin’ leak, plus Diddy’s Obama bombshell and Bongino’s Epstein snafu. Then, it’s “Adios, Amigos!,” a mariachi-ska-punk farewell to our unwelcome guests, sendin’ ‘em packin’ with a grin. We also razz Pride Month’s glittery fruitcakes and their parade of public kink. This episode’s a hoot, packed with more kick than a chili-fueled bathroom break, so grab your sombreros and let’s polka like we’re hiding from ICE in the back of a Home Depot.

Polka Week in Review: May 25 to May 31, 2025

Polka week in review, May twenty fifth to thirty first news,Headlines scream, the polka’s dream, let’s take a cruise!From Macron’s slap to Trump’s big scrap, let’s go 1 2 3,Grab your accordion, let’s set it, Adjust Accordionly!

Macron’s cheek gets Brigitte’s whack, Hanoi’s elite go bye,Peterson Fails, Capybara Sails, Digital Kangaroos Can’t Fly,NPR cries, Trump cuts their ties, no funds for woke’s sad tune,Trump locks colleges flat, visa pause keeps lefties strewn,Harvard’s deals get trashed for reals, their ivory towers crumble,Biden’s crew hid his fog, Comer’s probe makes ‘em stumble!

Week’s a riot, left’s in quiet, hear the polka sing,From elite flops to MAGA’s tops, let the trumpets ring!

Hey! RFK yanks vax, kids dodge the CDC’s sting,Ho! J6 lawyers sacked, Trump’s DOJ takes wing,No media lies, we’ll keep the beat, our roots hold strong,Hey! Ho! Adjust Accordionly!

Colorado trims trans fluff, Texas slaps woke screens,Diddy’s trial spills Obama’s pills, elite dirt bursts at seams,Fannie, Freddie privatized, Trump shakes the loan cartel,Migrant’s letter threatens Trump, MAGA’s rage will yell,Elon quits DOGE, budget dreams fade, back to Tesla’s call,Bongino checks Epstein’s tapes, it’s “suicide” after all!HA HA HA HA!!

Week’s a spark, rips through the dark, polka’s got that flair,From elite scams to freedom’s slams, news fills the air!

Hey! Florida kicks over two hundred, human traffickers in the rear,Ho! Paul and Massie cry debt, their whines fall on deaf ears,No globalist lies, we’ll keep the beat, our roots hold strong,Hey! Ho! Adjust Accordionly!

Week’s a fire, hearts climb higher, hear the polka’s cheer,From woke’s retreat to Trump’s big beat, no globalist veneer!With zest and pride, we’ll turn the tide, polka’s hearty sound,Dance to the beat, accordion’s heat, let headlines’ truth be found!

Week’s a blaze, left’s in a haze, hear the polka’s roar,From SNAP’s big slash to judges’ clash, we settle the score!With grit and might, we’ll win the fight, our spirit’s unbound,Dance to the news, accordion’s muse, let truth’s sound be found!

Hey! SNAP cut, protests shut, Trump’s bill rocks the fight,Ho! Judges’ power clipped, MAGA’s plan burns bright,Layoffs stalled, courts are called, but Trump’s still in the race,Cuomo’s COVID lies killed, DOJ puts him in his place,Newsman’s skirt, Greenwald’s dirt, a leak of something wrong,Hey! May’s wild spark to headlines’ mark, our spirits always strong,Drums and brass, guitar’s fast pass, our roots are long!Hey! Ho! Adjust Accordionly!

Adjust. Accordionly!

News Headlines Covered: May 25 to May 31, 2025

* Macron Slapped by Brigitte in Hanoi (May 25, 2025)Brigitte Macron was filmed pushing or slapping President Emmanuel Macron during a Hanoi visit, sparking global media attention.

* Hanoi’s Communist Elite Ousted (May 25, 2025)Vietnam’s Communist Party leaders were removed in a surprise purge in Hanoi, raising concerns about political stability.

* Jordan Peterson’s YouTube Flop (May 26, 2025)Jordan Peterson’s new YouTube video faced heavy criticism, damaging his online reputation.

* Capybara Video Steals X Spotlight (May 26, 2025)A viral capybara-and-gorilla video exploded on X, captivating users and overshadowing other trends.

* Digital Kangaroos Fail to Hop (May 26, 2025)An AI-generated “digital kangaroos” project flopped due to technical issues, drawing online criticism.

* NPR Loses Funding Under Trump (May 27, 2025)The Trump administration cut NPR’s federal funding, prompting protests from supporters.

* Trump Halts College Visas (May 27, 2025)President Trump suspended college visas for international students, sparking debates over education access.

* Harvard’s Foreign Deals Scrapped (May 27, 2025)Harvard’s international partnerships were terminated under new federal rules targeting foreign influence.

* Biden’s Mental Fog Hidden by Aides (May 27, 2025)Leaked reports claimed Biden’s aides hid signs of cognitive decline, fueling political speculation.

* Comer’s Probe Nails Biden’s Crew (May 27, 2025)Rep. James Comer’s investigation exposed alleged misconduct among Biden’s former staff.

* RFK Jr. Pulls Vaccines for Kids (May 28, 2025)Robert F. Kennedy Jr. withdrew certain childhood vaccines, dividing public health opinions.

* Trump Fires J6 Lawyers (May 28, 2025)Trump’s DOJ dismissed January 6-related lawyers, signaling a shift in legal strategy.

* Colorado Cuts Trans Programs (May 28, 2025)Colorado defunded transgender programs, facing backlash from LGBTQ+ advocates.

* Texas Bans Woke Tech Censorship (May 28, 2025)Texas passed a law prohibiting social media censorship of politically sensitive content.

* Diddy’s Trial Links to Obama (May 29, 2025)Unverified rumors during Diddy’s trial alleged ties to Obama, spreading online speculation.

* Fannie, Freddie Privatized by Trump (May 29, 2025)Trump announced plans to privatize Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, causing market debates.

* Migrant’s Threat Letter Targets Trump (May 30, 2025)A leaked, unverified migrant letter threatened Trump, prompting security concerns.

* Elon Musk Leaves DOGE (May 30, 2025)With his tenure over, Elon Musk leaves his roll with DOGE to refocus his attention on Tesla.

* Bongino Claims Epstein Tapes Show “Suicide” (May 31, 2025)Dan Bongino claimed Epstein tapes confirmed “suicide,” igniting a firestorm online.

* Florida Busts 255 Human Traffickers (May 31, 2025)Florida arrested 255 in a human trafficking sting linked to illegal immigration.

* Paul and Massie Slam National Debt (May 31, 2025)Rand Paul and Thomas Massie criticized the rising national debt, urging reform.

* Trump’s SNAP Cuts Spark Protests (May 31, 2025)Trump’s SNAP benefit cuts triggered protests from advocacy groups.

* Judges’ Power Curbed by MAGA Bill (May 31, 2025)A Trump-backed bill limited federal judges’ authority, raising legal concerns.

* Layoffs Halted by Court Rulings (May 31, 2025)Federal courts blocked corporate layoffs, citing labor or economic issues.

* Cuomo’s COVID Lies Exposed by DOJ (May 31, 2025)A DOJ probe accused Andrew Cuomo of misrepresenting COVID-19 nursing home deaths.

* Greenwald’s Sex Tape Leak Rocks X (May 31, 2025)Glenn Greenwald’s sex tape leak sparked online gossip.

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Adios, Amigos!

Olé! Arriba! ¡Rrrrrrr!

Ay, ay, ay, amigos, grab your sombreros!This spicy song’s all about sending those border jumpers packing!With Trump in charge, it’s a fiesta of farewells!Time to boot ‘em out with a big ol’ smile!Let’s get this party started, ADIOS AMIGOS!Ay, ay, ay! ¡Vete ya!

Old Greg in Texas had a dream, ¡Sueño!Bussed migrants north to end the scheme, ¡Malvado!To blue cities they went,Where the liberals all vent,Adios to that border-crossing team! ¡Adiós!

Ay, ay! ¡Adiós!

DeSantis flew ‘em to the Vine, ¡Ricos!Where NIMBY liberals sip on their wine, ¡Élite!The Venezuelans got played,Now they’re sent on their way,Get out, this land’s not yours it’s mine! ¡Lárgate!

Ay, ay, ay! ¡Lárgate!

Olé! Arriba! The border wall’s so grand!No more sneaking through, we’re guarding the land!Send ‘em packing, no delay! ¡Fuera ya!

Springfield’s Haitians munch on your pets, ¡Almuerzo!Trump’s word’s the gospel, no regrets, ¡El rey!Their TPS is through,Voodoo dreams won’t do,Back to Haiti, no more island debts! ¡Adiós!

Ay, ay! ¡Vámonos!

Abrego’s a thug from M.S. 13, ¡Malvado!A Maryland man he’s never bean, ¡Jamás!Biden’s stooge spun a tale,But we sent him to jail,El Salvador’s where he’s now seen! ¡En cárcel!

Olé! Arriba! Big beautiful border wall’s so fine!No more sneaking through, we’re holding the line!Send ‘em packing, no delay! ¡Fuera ya!

¡Rápido!

Adios, amigos! hit the road and scat, ¡Rápido!From Texas to Ohio, we’ll have no more of that! Olé!With a boot and a smile, no more vacancy! ¡Cerrado!Olé! AMERICA’S OUR LAND! from sea to shining sea! ¡Vámonos!

¡Cállate! ¡Rápido! ¡Rrrr!

They scream, they sue, but we’re taking it back,No sanctuary scams, no more open mat,The crowds cheer loud, we’re setting the score,Arriba! America, show ‘em the door!

Ay, ay, ay! ¡Piérdete!

Venezuelans thought they’d play, ¡No bueno!But Trump’s old law swept ‘em away, ¡Vete ya!To CECOT’s grim cell,Where the gangbangers dwell,Adios, you’ve got no right to stay! ¡Rápido!

Ay, ay! ¡Adiós!

A grand to leave, what a score! ¡Ricos somos!Take the cash and don’t come back no more, ¡Adiós!CBP’s app says “go,”With your tacos in tow,Self-deport’o, we’re slamming the door! ¡Piérdete!

Arriba! Great big beautiful border wall’s the best!No more sneaking through, we’re passing the test!Send ‘em packing, no delay! ¡Fuera ya!

¡Rápido!

Adios, amigos! hit the road and scat, ¡Rápido!From Texas to Ohio, we’ll have no more of that! Olé!With a boot and a smile, no more vacancy! ¡Cerrado!Olé! AMERICA’S OUR LAND! from sea to shining sea! ¡Vámonos!

¡Fuera ya! Arriba!

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