In this week’s episode, I’m talking about recreational sex. In my mind, that is sex with anyone who you are not in an exclusive, longterm, committed relationship with. Sex with anyone you aren’t in love with and who isn’t in love with you. Sex with someone you are not married to. This type of sexual activity is risky and for many reasons. People think that if they are protecting themselves from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, then they have all of their bases covered.

What so many people, especially women don’t understand is that emotionally, we are not built for this type of “sex play”. As a healthy feminine energy woman, you should want to receive a man’s heart and mind as well as his body (and that is AFTER he has agreed to be exclusive and committed to you!). Your body will release a hormone called Oxytocin which will cause you to bond to each other. This hormone lasts about three days longer for a woman than a man and it often explains why we feel “strange” when our man leaves for a period of time. It also explains why many women “bond” to a guy who isn’t good for them!

What I want for all of my beautiful, intoxicating, feminine energy women out there is to have high standards and stick to them! I want you to REQUIRE exclusivity and commitment before having sexual intercourse with a man. You can hold hands, you can snuggle and kiss him. Just don’t let him get “in”! I want to issue a #nofreesex challenge to all of my ladies. For the next 30 days, make a commitment to yourself that you will not have sex with a man you are not in an exclusive and committed relationship with. Heck, you can go as far as me and not have sex with anyone who isn’t your HUSBAND! The “cost” of sex for you is a man’s heart; his love and his consistent time, his exclusivity and fidelity, and his ring and last name!

Remember this; when a woman has sex with a man, she is “married” to him in her mind. A man sees himself as “married” when he is standing in front of a justice of the peace or a minister! Those are two very different views and the finish line for a woman is marriage. For men, it is having sex, which explains why he may seem to change or act differently afterward. I want every woman out there to have this knowledge and to start acting from it. Trust your instinct on this. It’s not just words from a man, but his consistent actions that will tell you if he can be trusted. Yes, your body may also respond to pleasure, but that is short term gratification. I want you to aim for long term satisfaction! You, my sweet feminine energy goddess, are the gatekeeper of everything in the relationship. Use your power wisely!

Here is a great book on the down side of this new “hook-up” by Donna Freitas called

The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy

And check out this article in Evie Magazine on “Hook-up Culture is Making Us Miserable”.