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Episode 53: “Should I Get Back With My Ex?”
In this week’s episode, I am answering a very long email I received from a listener on whether she should take her ex-boyfriend back. So, normally I have these very hard rules for exes and usually, the short answer is “Heck NO!” I’ve come to change my stance and realize that with time and space, it is possible for anyone to grow and change, if they desire to.
The biggest thing you need to consider when thinking about getting back with an ex is who is this person NOW? Has this person done some work to grow and change? The cause of the breakup will also determine if you can go back. If you are a healthy, high self-esteem feminine energy woman then there are certain things that can put the nail in the coffin of your relationship. Years ago, I made a very short list of the four things that if a man did this to me, I could no longer be with him, EVER! The list has grown by a few more, but the shortlist is 1) I find you cheating on me (with a man or a woman!) in our bed, 2) You get another woman pregnant as a result of your cheating, 3) You bring home a sexually transmitted disease from your cheating, and 4) You put your hands on me in anger!
Because I love myself so much, I could never come back from any of these situations. There are so many reasons why relationships end, but here is what I know for sure: when our partner is meeting our emotional needs, we stay forever. No one ever said “This is the man of my dreams. He’s absolutely perfect for me! I don’t want to be with him anymore!” This is why it’s so important to communicate assertively and directly what our emotional needs are and at least give the other person a chance to meet them. I use a book by Willard F. Harley, Jr. called “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage” in my counseling practice to teach couples the importance of knowing your partner’s Ten Core Emotional Needs and how to meet them. I recommend everyone pick up a copy of the book so you can learn more about what they are and the importance of them in your romantic relationships.
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
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By BetterLoveMovementIn this week’s episode, I am answering a very long email I received from a listener on whether she should take her ex-boyfriend back. So, normally I have these very hard rules for exes and usually, the short answer is “Heck NO!” I’ve come to change my stance and realize that with time and space, it is possible for anyone to grow and change, if they desire to.
The biggest thing you need to consider when thinking about getting back with an ex is who is this person NOW? Has this person done some work to grow and change? The cause of the breakup will also determine if you can go back. If you are a healthy, high self-esteem feminine energy woman then there are certain things that can put the nail in the coffin of your relationship. Years ago, I made a very short list of the four things that if a man did this to me, I could no longer be with him, EVER! The list has grown by a few more, but the shortlist is 1) I find you cheating on me (with a man or a woman!) in our bed, 2) You get another woman pregnant as a result of your cheating, 3) You bring home a sexually transmitted disease from your cheating, and 4) You put your hands on me in anger!
Because I love myself so much, I could never come back from any of these situations. There are so many reasons why relationships end, but here is what I know for sure: when our partner is meeting our emotional needs, we stay forever. No one ever said “This is the man of my dreams. He’s absolutely perfect for me! I don’t want to be with him anymore!” This is why it’s so important to communicate assertively and directly what our emotional needs are and at least give the other person a chance to meet them. I use a book by Willard F. Harley, Jr. called “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage” in my counseling practice to teach couples the importance of knowing your partner’s Ten Core Emotional Needs and how to meet them. I recommend everyone pick up a copy of the book so you can learn more about what they are and the importance of them in your romantic relationships.
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr.