#WorkMomSays you don’t have to stay miserable, even in a job you hate. In this episode, Lori shares candid advice and firsthand stories about finding purpose, resilience, and even gratitude in difficult work situations. Learn how to reframe what’s draining you, focus on what you can actually control, and leverage the experience to build your career and personal growth, even when quitting isn’t yet an option.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

01:42 – Lori shares a real-life “I hate my job” story and what she did for relief and perspective

04:45 – Discovering that you have control over your mindset, even when you can’t control co-workers or a boss

06:13 – Identifying the true source of your job misery, weighing negatives against positives, and focusing on what you can control

07:31 – Lori’s “three thing gratitude list” as a simple trick for feeling better fast, even at work

10:43 – The “paycheck plus progress” approach, documenting your wins and using your current job as a bridge to something better

04:47 – “No matter what happens, you have control of your mindset and you have control of what you choose to see.”

05:43 – “You are not stuck. If you’re in a really icky job right now, you are not stuck. Small changes in how you look at things can make a huge difference.”

08:24 – “You don’t have to love your job, but you can find things about your job, your co-workers, and your environment, your paycheck, that you like.”

13:01 – “Reframe, turn your focus toward the things that you love and minimize the things that you hate. Are they really that important? Or can you let them go and then use where you are to get where you’re going?”

00:12
Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today we are going to talk about how to love the job you hate. Now, that sounds crazy, right, but what I have to say is there are moments when you will hate your job, and even jobs that I liked, there have been moments when I hate them. So sometimes you may outgrow your job. You may get a new boss that is just not a good fit. Have a new co-worker that makes you miserable. Sometimes you really don’t want to be there, and quitting isn’t an option. And when that happens, maybe you, you know, could start looking for a job, but you can’t just quit. You’ve got to stay and if you hate it, your performance will suffer, and actually your attitude will suffer, your entire experience, your joy will suffer. So you don’t want to keep hating that job when you could actually figure out ways that you can get through it without too much drama.

01:20
So in this episode, we’re going to talk about some strategies you can use to shift your mindset, reframe what you see at your current job, and turn that kind of job into an experience that is good for you, that helps you build your skills. And I know it sounds crazy, but it’s it’s true, it can be done.

01:42
And I’ll tell you a story. I had a position with a great big production studio in Metro Detroit, back in the oh gosh, it was 95 to 2000 and it was a really pretty big company for the industry that we were in. There were about 200 people. And there were some people that you know were really not going to stand up to the CEO no matter what. They weren’t going to stand up to him. So he would tell them to do things that they didn’t want to do, or add something to their plate that they didn’t want, you know, to have under their purview. And they would get mad, but they wouldn’t go to him with it, they would fight with each other.

02:23
And one day, I was in the range of fire of a guy that led the production department. It was a production studio, and he had been told by the boss that, you know, his guys weren’t going out in the field shooting. So since they weren’t, they were going to be paid, but they weren’t actually out in the field. They should help clean up the studio for a big party that was coming up in about three weeks. Well, I was in the marketing department, so it was our party. So that production director called me up one day, and he had just talked to the boss, and he was furious, and he just read me the riot act. What do you want me to do? These guys are pissed, they work their asses off and and now the one day where they could go a little easier, he’s got them out here painting and, you know, scraping paint and doing all these really horrible things that they don’t want to do when they’re really mad. What am I going to do about that?

03:19
And now, by the time he asked me that question, he’d been going on for about 10 minutes, and I was just listening, and I was close to tears. Now this was 20 years ago, so that tells you something, right? No, it was 30 years ago. I was close to tears, and I just said, I don’t know. I don’t know, Dan, I have no idea, but I’m going to go now. And I hung up my phone, and I picked up my purse, and I left my office, and my assistant saw me on the way out, and said, you know, are you coming back? And I said, I really don’t know. I’m having a really difficult time right now. I’m just going to go take a break, and I’ll call you later.

03:53
And I headed off to the bookstore, and I found a book. I mean, the bookstore was a great place to escape. It still is. Unfortunately, there just aren’t as many of them as there used to be. So I went off to the bookstore to escape, and I found, you know, in the career section, I was specifically looking for what to do when you hate your job. And I found a book I can’t recall the title. I mean, it’s been a long time now, but it was something to the tune of how to love the job you hate. And when I started reading it, I sat in the bookstore, and I just, you know, got a coffee and sat down and started reading this book, and it gave me such great information and insight that allowed me to go back to the office within an hour with a whole new attitude.

04:45
And here’s why, no matter what happens, you have control of your mindset and you have control of what you choose to see and what I was doing at that point when the production guy had me on the phone was I was feeling really attacked, but the reality was he wasn’t attacking me. If he could have, he would have gone and attacked the CEO. He couldn’t do that. And I wasn’t the right person, but I didn’t have the strength or the wisdom to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I am not the right audience for this conversation.

05:22
Now, if it happened today, that’s what I’d say. I am not the right audience, but just taking a break when that happened, because there will be times when something really ugly happens and you just don’t even want to deal with it. If you can take a break, if you can take a walk, if you can go to the bookstore, you will give yourself time to change your mindset. You are not stuck. If you’re in a really icky job right now, you are not stuck. Small changes in how you look at things can make a huge difference. And having a job you hate can actually make you a better employee, because you are never going to work anywhere where everything is always perfect and you love everyone on your team, you will always have challenges with other people. We’re human beings. We bump up against each other. Sometimes it’s just how it works.

06:13
So let’s talk about why you might be hating your job: burnout, bad manager, not getting enough training opportunities. Maybe you feel unseen, you feel unappreciated. Got it? Okay? So if you’re having a bad day, that’s different than having a bad environment, and you need to figure out which one is which. So what drains you the most about your job? Give some thought to that. And is it something you can reframe if it’s your, you know, your co-workers really annoying. Oh, my God, but your boss gives you wonderful benefits. You get lots of paid time off, and you only work four days a week. Guess what? You might want to tolerate that annoying co-worker, because you can see that the balance is such that the good outweighs the bad, and that’s what you need to shift to if you can’t control something that’s really making you crazy, change your focus and focus on what you can control. You can control your attitude. You can control what motivates you. You can control how you feel when you go into the office.

07:31
And I’ll give you a little tip: there is a way to reset your attitude really quickly, called the three thing gratitude list, and that is, sit down with a piece of paper. Might take you a minute. You can do it in your phone. What are three things that you’re grateful for? You’re grateful for that really funny co-worker that always gives you a really goofy wave when you come in, your friend that always brings you coffee as she’s going to her desk, she drops one off for you. The fact that your boss, if there’s ever a time when you’re just mentally exhausted, you can say, I need a mental health day. If you have those kinds of things going on at your office, write those things down so that in that moment when you feel like, Oh God, I can’t stand this, you can quickly turn and look at, Yeah, but look at all these good things. You don’t have to love your job, but you can find things about your job, your co-workers, and your environment, your paycheck, that you like. And that really changes everything. It can change it in the moment, and it can change it over time, because you’ll learn if you focus on things that are important, that you can control, you also figure out how unimportant some of those things are that are bugging you. I mean, seriously, some of the things that bother us are really not that big of a deal, and putting those things into their proper context so they don’t upset you is really important.

09:02
So let’s talk about strategic love. How do you find the good in what you’re doing? Lots of different ways. When I was early in my career, I changed jobs probably every three or four years, and what I said was I could tolerate anything as long as I was learning, as long as I was, you know, raising my skills. I was selling higher numbers, I was developing substantial new business. I was mentoring young professionals. We were doing really good—wait, really great work. And that those strategic thoughts, what is it that I absolutely love about this job, is what kept me there.

Now, at three and a half years, when you’ve learned everything there is to learn, I’d get to that point and I’d be like, well, you know, I’m kind of done with this now, because the good doesn’t outweigh the bad anymore. And so by celebrating those small wins, by focusing on what you have that is good at your current position, that’ll help you. If you really don’t think it’s a good idea to leave, if you’re making a whole bunch of money and you’re going to have to take, you know, a 50% pay cut if you leave, find things to focus on that are good and stay where you are, or maybe make a lateral move to another department. You know, those kinds of things. So figure out whether you are in a position that you can manage or in a position that you truly, truly need to leave. And in most cases, with most jobs, it’s just a matter of reframing and figuring out how to be grateful for what you have there.

10:43
So the exit strategy, let’s talk about that now. If you want more, or you get to the point where you know, you know, I’m just not—I’m just not thriving here, you know the boss is stepping on me. They’re not letting me bring my ideas to the table, then it’s possibly a good idea for you to start looking for a new gig, and what we call that is PayCheck Plus progress. So you’re going to get your paycheck from where you are as a as a bridge to the new job that you want. So you’re going to appreciate your paycheck and appreciate the progress while you plan your next gig. And I would say, start documenting your wins. I have a little notebook that I have all kinds of stuff in. I just keep it by my desk. I take notes. I write things for accountability. And what you can do is start documenting the things that you do that are really awesome whenever they happen, just write them down, and that will help cement your wins and help you feel better while you’re staying in this job and trying to look into your next job.

If you are truly miserable because the people there are not letting you progress, if they’re abusing you by, you know, pushing you to work 60–70 hours a week, if they’re rude, if there’s harassment of any type, illegal or, you know, unprofessional behaviors, then yeah, you got to leave, and you may have to quit before you get that next gig. In most cases, you’ll want to stay, stay there and keep learning and keep working while you get your next position. But if you can’t, you want to make sure you’re not miserable while you’re there, you know, for the remaining time. I mean, it can take you three to six months, maybe even a year, to get a new gig, especially in today’s economy.

12:35
So a quick recap of what we talked about. This is not a long episode of this podcast, but I think it’s something that’s really important. In order to figure out, do you really hate your job, you’ve got to spend a few minutes thinking about what’s real and what’s not. What are you taking personally that you might be able to let go? What are you not focusing on that’s really kind of awesome, and you know what’s real about the situation? From there, you want to reframe, turn your focus toward the things that you love and minimize the things that you hate. Are they really that important? Or can you let them go and then use where you are to get where you’re going? I’ve heard this said so many times, it’s easier to get a job when you have one than it is to get a job when you’re unemployed. I’m not sure why that works, but it does. That’s how it you know, kind of how it’s always worked for me.

So before I let you go, I want you to remember you may not love your job, but you can probably find parts of it that you love and learn while you’re there. So how do you love the job you hate? You focus on what’s good and determine if you need to stay or go, and if you need to go, do the best you can before you leave.

13:51
So that’s what I’ve got for you today again. Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Please visit my website at workmomsays.com for more helpful episodes that are created to help you learn to play the emotional context board of business so you can experience less drama and more success.

If you are watching this on YouTube, please do me a favor, Subscribe, Like, Share—all those things—really trying to grow my channel there to reach more people with helpful career advice. And you can also visit my website at workmomsays.com and use the contact form to get in touch with me if you’d like to suggest a guest, or if you’d like to be a guest on the program.

And finally, LinkedIn is where I live, so if you are on LinkedIn, I’m an open networker there. I would love to hear from you. Lori Jo Vest on LinkedIn, and that’s what I’ve got for you today. I will see you again soon with some more helpful information, take care.

Thanks for listening to Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. For more information, you can email Work Mom at L, O, R, I, workmomsays.com. That’s lori at workmomsays.com, and remember, don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

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