#WorkMomSays Adulting with ADHD is a candid look at navigating life after a late ADHD diagnosis. Lori and guest LJ Gamble discuss the emotional rollercoaster of discovering ADHD as an adult, common misconceptions, and practical strategies for working with—not against—your brain’s wiring. The conversation offers insights and resources for anyone who suspects they might have ADHD or wants to better understand its impact.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:12 – Lori & LJ Discover Their Adult ADHD: Lori opens up about receiving her ADHD diagnosis in her late 50s, while LJ shares her experience with childhood diagnosis and how both reframed years of quirks and self-judgment.

05:07 – Impact on Relationships & Emotions: They explore how ADHD affects relationships—especially emotional sensitivity, rejection dysphoria, and the untrue belief that ADHD is just for hyperactive kids.

15:00 – LJ’s Stages of Adult Diagnosis: LJ explains her “What the F*ck to Thriving” stages: relief, regret, anger, grief, and how acceptance leads to hope and practical change.

22:33 – Coping and Thriving Strategies: Real-life solutions such as therapy, coaching, medication, accountability buddies, and task-management hacks like using timers and tiny commitments.
34:47 – Finding Resources: Lori and LJ recommend helpful books (“ADHD for Dummies,” “CBT for Dummies”), the ADDitude Magazine, and tips for getting affordable support or self-help if therapy isn’t accessible.

08:14 – “For the ADHD mind, non-preferred tasks feel like the end of the world. For us, it feels like you’re telling me to push a boulder up a mountain by myself.”

15:20 – “When you get that diagnosis, the first thing you feel is relief, because it’s like, you no longer have to carry the weight of how you spoke to yourself.”

20:49 – “ADHD, anxiety, and depression is like…you know they have the triple dipper at Chili’s? That’s what that is.”

29:37 – “Once you accept that’s not a flaw, it’s not a defect. Now you get to learn: I am this new person, and I’m learning all these new things about myself and my brain.”

41:04 – “If you are high functioning, high performing…there are a lot of really good books out there that you can kind of band-aid yourself up with.”

00:12

LORI: Hello everybody. Welcome to this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. I’m your host, Lori, and today we are going to talk about adulting with ADHD. It is hilarious when you discover that you’ve had ADHD your whole life, and you discover that as an adult. It changes everything you knew about yourself. It changes all the judgments you’ve made about how you behave and the quirky little issues that you have. I personally was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 50s, which is hilarious, because a lot of us with ADHD are very high functioning, but we can be labeled as distracted, disorganized, or just too much, and that happens a lot. So my guest today is LJ Gamble. I have known LJ for a few years, and I always laugh because we both have the initials LJ. She uses hers as her name, and I have them, but people call me that all the time. It’s so funny. It’s just a fun little, little quirky thing we have. 

LJ: LJ and LJ.

LORI: Yes, LJ and LJ. So, LJ… I’ve known LJ as a coach, but she is also a therapist, right? You have been a therapist? You’re trained? 

LJ: Oh, no, God, no.

LORI: Used to be.

LJ: I used, for a hot minute. Not anymore. 

LORI: Wasn’t your thing, huh? 

LJ: That didn’t last. 

LORI: So tell us what you do.

LJ: Yeah, for a hot minute. But now I do- I’m a life coach and YouTube content creator. 

LORI: So if you need guidance, right? 

LJ: Yes, yes! I call myself the Millennial Oprah.

LORI: I love it. 

LJ: That’s what I call myself. Yeah, coaching, guiding other Millennials trying to figure out this shit show that is life for us right now.

LORI: Yeah, it’s especially right now. It’s insanity. But we were talking about how we might collaborate on a podcast episode, last week, and we started talking about ADHD. So what is your connection to ADHD, LJ? 

LJ: My connection? Other than being a lifelong subscriber? 

LORI: Are you? I wish I knew lifelong. But when were you diagnosed? 

02:32

LJ: So I was first diagnosed when I was about nine years old. And then, this happens for a lot of people: we’re told that we grew out of it. So I would say I was only treated for ADHD for maybe a couple years, and then it was thought that I grew out of it, so I spent the rest of my life still with the symptoms of ADHD. The distractibility, having difficulty focusing, impulsivity, and being so… What’s the word? I had to say chaotic, but like that restlessness that you get when you have ADHD. And so because we thought that I had grew out of it,I thought those were just personality flaws, like just these personality traits that I had that I just needed to figure out a way to fix them, and fix myself. Not realizing, like so many people, “Holy shit, this was ADHD this whole time.”

LORI: Yeah, I get that. Because what I realized is I am either hyper-focused, avoiding everything, or have to be doing everything at the same time. Does that make sense? 

LJ: Oh my God, yes, yes. I talk to my therapist about that. I can watch a movie, and then I’ve got music playing, and then I’m also coLORIng, and then I’ll pause from coLORIng to start doing something with paint, and then I’ll get- start organizing stuff. But then, like, once I get up and see the paints, I see that I left this out from before, and now I got to organize it.  

LORI: Yep, yep. I get it. It’s so funny because you don’t really understand if you haven’t been diagnosed, or you think that you don’t have it because you grew out of it. I mean, the way it can show up is in ways that make you think you’re nuts. Or you’re just not organized and-

LJ. It makes you feel defective. 

LORI: Yeah, you’re, you know, in overwhelm. Some of the things that I as a business owner think is really funny is I am either really hyper focused or I just don’t want to do that thing over there. Or I’m bouncing around, and because I do social media, a lot of times, I’ll be bouncing on social, and I’ll go over to social media to put something up on a client’s account, and then 10 minutes later, I’m like, wait, what was I doing? And why am I… wait, what? And it’s just what happens. My brain, you’re just easily distractible. That’s part of it, right?

LJ : Yeah, that distractibility. Yes, yeah.

05:07

LORI: Now, how does it affect your relationships and communication, do you think?

LJ  Looking back at prior relationships and having the knowledge—what did they call it? Like foresight is the gift of hindsight? So looking back at past relationships, I can see how like my behavior in the relationships, because, you know, when you have ADHD, it’s also really common to have that rejection dysphoria,  

LORI: Oh, yeah. That’s huge. 

LJ: So being in a relationship and just thinking that, like I’m over emotional, or, again, you go back to, there’s something wrong with me. I’m defective, like, why am I not able to just be normal?

LORI: Yep, yep, I get that too. I know a lot of- in the relationships to me, it’s the sensitivity, what you just mentioned, that rejection sensitivity. People wouldn’t think that would fit in under ADHD, but it’s common. I wondered why I was like that. I’m like, why am I so sensitive? And then I got my ADHD diagnosis with my therapist, and then I started to figure out, oh, there’s a lot of things about ADHD that aren’t things that we traditionally think about. We think of hyperactivity, distraction, but you and I were talking about this earlier-

LJ: You think about kids that can’t sit down.  

LORI: Yeah, they can’t sit down.  

LJ: When you say ADHD, people think about kids that can’t sit down. 

LORI: Yep. But it’s actually as deep as affecting your money management even, 

LJ: Oh my God, yes.  

LORI: I wouldn’t think that was related. I wouldn’t.

LJ: Yeah, because you have to think that it’s a—I don’t want to say like a dysfunction—but the way your brain is wired, it is different. And you do learn differently. And so with money management as well, with having those distortions that you have with ADHD. Yes, it impacts that impulsivity or being hyper focused on something, and then you spend tons of money on it—whatever this new hobby was, or this new shiny thing that you need to have, and you know you’re going to dedicate yourself to it, and you spend the money on it, and then you lose interest in like, two weeks. 

And it’s so unfortunate, because then we say to ourselves, like, I’m bad with money. 

LORI: Yeah. Yeah, I say that all the time.

LJ: I take that on as a personality trait. Like, no, you’re not bad with money. Your brain just, unfortunately, wasn’t wired to understand it the best. It’s not a personality trait, it’s a skill, and if it’s a skill, that means you can learn it, you can master it, like a muscle.  

07:46

LORI: Right, right. And I have found that for some of us with ADHD, for me anyway, it seems like building healthy habits, creating rituals, which are things that they tell us to do to be healthy, high functioning humans are exceedingly difficult, right? To be consistent? I don’t know how to do that.

LJ: And you know what? It’s because, for the ADHD mind, non preferred tasks feel like the end of the world. Like, for some people, it might be like a minor annoyance or something they really don’t want to do, but whatever. For us, it feels like you’re telling me by myself to push a boulder up a mountain. It just seems like the worst thing in the world. There’s no way that I can do that. Please don’t make me do that. I can’t do it. And, yeah, no, that is so real.

LORI: It’s funny, my trick around that is I’ve convinced myself, if I can just do it for one minute, I can quit, and once I start doing it, because that’s the hardest part, I’m usually like, well, that wasn’t that bad. This isn’t that bad, and I kind of work my way into that task that needs to be done by convincing myself—self negotiation is a big part of it—convincing myself that it’s going to be okay. Just try for a minute, and that’s all you have to do. If it’s really bad, you don’t have to do any more. And when I start, then I’m usually good to go, right? 

LJ: Yes, as soon as you get started. The start is the hardest part. 

LORI: Yep, it is. So based on what you know about, ADHD, LJ, tell me a little bit about, like, what are the typical symptoms? Because I only know related to myself, like, what my symptoms were, you know, distractibility, the typical things.

09:42

LJ: I actually just went and like, got the book for you so I could just read it out, because not everyone has the same symptoms, and so some people- and not everyone experiences them the same either. And what I’m also seeing is there’s a lot of crossover with people being diagnosed with ADHD and autism spectrum disorder at the same time, like cooccurring. I’m seeing a lot of that, and that makes it sometimes that can make it difficult as well to kind of pick out what is coming from where. And it’s something that I’ve had to think about myself like, should I also, is this something that I need to, you know, be getting checked out or see about? But yet, no. So it’s just, it’s crazy how everyone experiences it differently. There’s, you know, the common symptoms that you need to have in the DSM-5 for a diagnosis. But I’ve it’s almost like the symptoms when you talk about them, it’s like you finally found someone who understands you, how your brain works, how your your actions… and all of that.

LORI: Yep, and I will say too, that if you have some of these behaviors, like easily distracted, have to do more than one thing at a time. I literally tell people I am physically incapable of doing one thing at a time. I mean, I’m doing that right now.

LJ: Distractibility, the focus. Even irritability, too.

LORI: And then we’re ashamed of ourselves because we think it’s a character flaw.

11:21

LJ: Yes, yeah. You just think that again, like, oh, I’m defective. This is just something that I think, this happens all the time, is we say, oh, that’s just something I’m not good at, or I’m not the type of person that can be good at that. And so we internalize it. And once you do, once you actually say that, whether you say it out loud or in your head, once you accept that as truth, then your brain accepts it as true. 

LORI: Yeah, yeah. 

LJ: So you have to challenge that. You can’t just say—and even as someone who’s fully aware, know about my diagnosis, all of this, I still have moments where I have to stop and say to myself, don’t say that. Don’t say that. You’re you’re taking this on as a personality trait. You’re internalizing this. Like I forgot to—earlier today—I had made cookies and I forgot to set the timer, and I was like, oh my God, you fucking idiot. You forgot to set the timer.

LORI: Been there done that. 

LJ: Yes! And even if we think it’s just like self deprecating, the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference. It’s not—it doesn’t know the difference between you’re saying it seriously, which is usually, I mean, saying it jokingly, which usually has a little bit of truth in it. And so it’s about catching those little things like that and flipping them, you know, reinforcing them-not reinforcing opposite of reinforcing them, but like catching those little things.

LORI: Catching those times when you verbalize that negative thought about yourself, because I agree with you 150% what you say to yourself matters hugely. And if you’re shaming and blaming because you think you’re lazy or inconsistent or you know, I don’t have any discipline, I’m just this and that, you’re judging and you’re creating it. 

LJ: I have no discipline, that’s a really common one too. No self control. I’m just lazy. I can’t get that done. There’s something wrong with me. I’m just, I’m not the type of person that’s disciplined. And then you take that on as your identity. 

LORI: Oh, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that. And then I finally got the diagnosis, and I went, oohhh. 

LJ: Relief.

LORI: Yeah, huge.  

LJ : Like, the first thing, that’s number one, is that relief. 

LORI: Now you have four stages of getting a late ADHD diagnosis as an adult, right?

LJ : So, I call it—this isn’t in like a DSM diagnostic journal or anything—but I am going to say it’s based off of my professional experience, I am willing to say that. But I call it the “from what the fuck to thriving”. And it’s like everyone goes through it’s kind of like the five stages of grief. It’s similar to that when you get that ADHD diagnosis as an adult. So the first thing you feel is exactly what you just said. Relief. The, like, wow, oh my God. It’s not me. It’s not just like, there’s this relief, because you had all of these negative thoughts about yourself, even if you tried to joke about it, there was still that hurdle of truth in it. So you had all these negative thoughts about yourself. And then finally, it’s like, you realize none of that’s true. And you’re relieved. You’re like, finally, there’s a name for it.

LORI: Yeah, and you can say, yeah, that’s just how my brain works. Yeah, oh my god, it’s a forgetfulness.

15:00

LJ : Yes. The forgetfulness, the impulsivity, struggling with focus, you start to, or thinking that you’re lazy, you’re like, oh my god. You look back and you can see, like throughout your life, how many times you actually did say to yourself, or situations where you had those kind of thoughts. And when you get that diagnosis, like, the first thing you feel is relief, because it’s like, you no longer have to carry that weight anymore. That weight that you had, of how you thought about yourself, how you spoke to yourself. Like, once you get that diagnosis, once you know that there’s a name for it, and then there’s treatment options, it’s like, it’s like a weight lifts off your chest, because you don’t have to carry that weight anymore. You don’t.

LORI: Yeah, it feels good. It feels so much better right away. But then what happens?

LJ : Then there’s that second step of regret. Even though you are like, oh my God, yes, I know what this is. Great. When you do look back at the points in your life where you can see where things were, like, really bad, you have that regret. Because you know you’re never going to get those moments back. You’re never going to get those relationships back. Depending on how bad it was, you’re never going to get that job back.

LORI: Right, absolutely.

LJ: And so you have this regret, because you know that there were lost opportunities, there was time loss, there may have been relationships, lost, missed opportunities, and struggles that you endured that actually really happened. And so you have that regret of it all, and you just look back. And a lot of times people blame themselves, like, why didn’t I notice sooner? Why didn’t I get a diagnosis sooner? And we blame ourselves. Finding a way to blame ourselves for when it’s not… But, yeah, you have that regret. 

LORI: And then what? What’s next?

17:05

LJ: So then you get kind of pissed the fuck off. So after that regret, because you spend that time wishing that you had a different path and a different life, and now you feel like you’re late to the game, and this shit is not fair because I didn’t oversleep and be late to the game. Like, no, I got in the car, and the car took me to the wrong place. Like, that’s what your ADHD brain did. And it feels so unfair. And you get pissed off, and you get angry, 

LORI: Yep. Oh my god, so true. 

LJ: Yes! And then you start thinking about how many times, like for myself—like again, I was diagnosed at nine, but only a couple of years, so I still was in school for a long ass time—how did nobody pick up on this? Especially a child that had the diagnosis before? How was that not picked up on—and so you get angry.

LORI: Yeah, it’s funny. I have to drop in here and add something.  You mentioned being nine years old, and one of my best indicators to me that I was ADHD as a child is when the therapist asked me, like, were you punished as a child a lot? Were you, you know, told to behave more than other kids? Were you constantly getting in trouble for talking? 

LJ: Yes.

LORI: There’s a story in my family of my fourth grade teacher calling my mother to school to for a council meeting, for a meeting, to tell her that I needed to stop bringing my Barbie dolls to school. Because I would play with my Barbie doll on my desk, you know, behind the person in front of me, thinking he couldn’t see. And reality was, he kept trying to catch me and catch me, not knowing the answer, and I’d know the answer. But he told my mother, LORI may be able to learn while she plays with her Barbie dolls, but I can’t teach while she plays with her Barbie dolls. 

LJ: Oh my God. Shitty teacher! 

LORI: And it’s a family story. 

LJ: Shitty teacher! 

LORI: He was, he was good, though he was. This was back in the 70s. 

LJ: I have to remember. I’m sorry, yeah, this is a lot. 

LORI: This was a long time ago! 

LJ: But no, what you said! Getting in trouble a lot in school. That was me getting in trouble a lot in school. That was me. And I think we had said this earlier, especially when you’re high functioning, that’s when it really gets missed. And so I know, like growing up, like in elementary school, I always would get the material, like, two, three weeks ahead, in advance, because I would just get the work done. But then at a certain point they like, well, we can’t just keep giving you new material, because you’re going to run out. So then I would just be in the classroom. Of course, I’m going to be distracted and have a hard time focusing, right?

LORI: And want to talk.

LJ: Yes, and get into trouble. But I think a lot of it was because I was so high functioning, I was always a straight A student, there was never, I guess, like, suspicion or, you know, like, oh, maybe she needs help with something. Because when you’re high functioning, that’s exactly what it is. You’re high performing as well. 

20:24

LORI: Right. And I think a lot of people with ADHD are high performers. We are high performers. We make our way around it. We build up, you know, crutches and support for ourselves. But I do think because of that, because of the struggle that it takes to be that high performing with ADHD traits. There’s a lot of anxiety. That’s common. 

LJ : Yes, there’s so much. ADHD, anxiety, and depression is like… you know how they have the triple dipper at Chili’s? That’s what that is. And we can throw Autism Spectrum Disorder in there as well for dessert. 

LORI: It’s like soup. 

LJ: The ADHD, depression, anxiety is like the triple dipper at Chili’s, like it all comes together on a platter. You get salsa, you get ranch, you get buffalo sauce. Like it’s all one package. 

LORI: And you got it all. 

LJ: Yes.

LOR: You got it all. 

LJ: But yeah, no, you’re right. 

LORI: It’s crazy. But let’s talk about, what does it look like to get help? There’s a ton of different things you can do. I always use a lot of digital tools. I use a lot of accountability groups and accountability pals. You and I were talking last week about being accountability buddies in videos on YouTube so that we’re sure that we do it. It’s like, if I have—if I’m doing it, because you’re expecting me to do it, it’s a lot easier for me to do it than if I’m just doing it for myself, right?

LJ: So I’m gonna be honest, and sometimes people love it, sometimes people hate it, I think the best thing to do, assuming that you have healthcare coverage, is going to see a therapist. I think that because so many of us are high functioning and high performing, we feel like we should be able to figure this out ourselves. We should be able to cure and medicate ourselves, not with like, actual medication, but with like, Coke. Actually, you know what, no. I’ve heard people, they do try to medicate ADHD with like marijuana and mushrooms. And I’m like, oh my Jesus, please talk to a therapist.

22:33

LORI: Yeah, I actually would, when I’m stressed out, I over medicate with caffeine. So would go into the office when I was younger (when I worked in an office, I don’t anymore),  I would line up the Red Bull, the Diet Mountain Dew and the coffee, and that would start my day. 

LJ: Oh my goodness.

LORI: Is caffeine a self medication for ADHD? It’s got to be right? 

LJ: I’ve never used it, but, oh, Jesus. I don’t think caffeine works on me, though. I always hear that caffeine is supposed to get you buzzed up and moving. That never happens to me when I drink caffeine, so I don’t know. That’s something we’re gonna have to find out.

LORI: Yeah, that was one of my things I do when I was really stressed out. So I have a feeling there’s a connection there. But therapy, coaching… Coaching is good, there’s ADHD coaches, right? 

LJ: Yes, there are. And I think what people what I always want to tell people the difference between therapy and coaching. So imagine a line. A zero is like a baseline neutral, we’ll say. Therapy takes you from out the negative to get you to a nice baseline, and then coaching picks up from there to add to it. And so what I worry about is people who probably should be in therapy going to see coaches. And because these coaches do not have the training of a therapist, is they don’t recognize it, or they just say they can handle it. So I would say, and a lot of people I know who see ADHD coaches, they have a therapist, they all of that so, but I would just say that’s the only thing I would—if you are if you do have ADHD, especially if you suspect that you haven’t had an official diagnosis—I would recommend maybe checking with a therapist first before a coach, because coaching is an unregulated field. Despite people saying, I have a certification from this place, and I can give you a certification life coaching is an unregulated field. Anybody can say that they are a coach, and there’s no regulating body that’s going to check them, that’s going to do any type of training, nothing like that, which I know that probably you guys are probably like, why the hell are you a coach, than? 

LORI: Because you know your lane and you were a therapist, right?

LJ: Yeah. So I do, I actually have the training and the experience and the knowledge. But what I found was that I liked coaching because with therapy, it’s treating the mental illness. And again, coaching is kind of, once you’ve got that under control and manage, helping you go to the next level. Like you’re past the baseline, you’re ready to go forward. And so that’s what I really love doing with people. That’s why I love that Yes. So that’s why I decided to do coaching instead of therapy, because I love—and let’s just first of all, shout out to all mental health care workers, especially right now. Shout out to all of them. So much love and respect. Yes, yes, yes. You guys are doing the hard work. Yes. That I know I do not want to do again.

25:48

LORI: Hey, we know what works. You have to know what works for you, right?

LJ: First was relief. You’re like, oh my god, yes, oh shit, it’s not just me. Then you have that regret of everything you missed out on, and then after that regret, you’re angry, and then that anger, that’s when it turns to grief. And that’s when you’re actually having this heart broken—that’s the best way to think about it. Regret is more like, why didn’t I know about this sooner? Whereas grief is when you’re actually allowing yourself to process those emotions. It’s like the regret is when you kind of notice it, but then when you get to the grieving part, that’s when you feel it and allowing yourself, and that’s the thing you have to. Because I don’t know anyone, especially people who are diagnosed late in life, who don’t have a relationship, an opportunity, something that was missed because the ADHD diagnosis that was missed. And so allowing yourself to truly grieve the loss, and allowing yourself to grieve for the version of yourself that—and like you said, kind of you had said earlier that it almost feels like you’re a completely different person—and yeah, that’s the thing you were that person for. However, for you, it was 55 years. You were that person for 55 years, and now that you’ve got this diagnosis and everything makes sense, you’re saying, bye to the LORI Jo of the last 55 years, because now that you know you’re not her anymore, and you can look back and actually see where, like, again, like foresight is the gift of hindsight. You’re able to look back and just see all of those things, and you need to grieve that, because you’re not that person anymore. And what does that look like. 

LORI: Right. I’m sure it was lots and lots of tears for me. It was lots and lots and lots of tears. Yeah. I worked through all that stuff. I didn’t give up my therapist for about nine months, 10 months after I got my diagnosis, because I had to process it. 

28:01

LJ: Yes. Yes. And finally you feel hope, and that’s after you allow yourself to really, truly process everything and not try to run from it and feel your feelings and cry, go to therapy. For me, medication has been amazing for the triple dipper platter. I can think about my life before I was taking medication and my life after. And it’s again, it’s two different lives. It’s two different people. But then once you’re able to come to terms with that, you start to feel so—you start to accept your ADHD, and you find new ways to work with your brain. Like what you were saying, accountability buddies. What I do is—  you were saying that earlier before, like, if I could just do it for one minute, that I know I can do it. I’m like, you can suffer through just about anything for 15 minutes. So what I’ll do is I’ll put on a timer for 15 minutes, and I’ll say, just do this one thing for 15 minutes, and then you can do something else. And so you start seeing—especially if you’re in therapy or even if you’re doing there’s a lot of really good self help books out there as well—you start seeing ways that you can, and I want to be careful how I word this, not ways to fix yourself… But you learn that because your wiring is different, you require things that are different. And once you accept it like, oh, that’s not like a flaw, that’s not a defect, then you’re like, o h, I get to learn I am this new person, and I’m learning all these new things about myself and my brain, and I’m also learning that. How to work with my brain too. 

LORI: Instead of against it? 

LJ: Then you start to feel hopeful. 

LORI: Yeah. Huge, huge hope. Well,  I want to go revisit real quick what you said earlier about medication, because, again, I am not a doctor. I am not practicing medicine. I’m not practicing therapy. I’m not licensed. None of that. However. I take Adderall.

LJ: Me too! 

LORI: What noticed, is that when I when I’m not on Adderall, I could draw a picture of myself, and there are 11 billion arrows coming at my head. All the different possible things I could be thinking about doing, worrying about concern—it’s like arrows coming at me. And then I take my Adderall, and I give it a half hour, and, oh, there’s only three or four arrows. I can control which one I grab and take a hold of, instead of always feeling like overwhelmed by thoughts and ideas and and, you know, worries and concerns like to where it’s just a mush. Sometimes I would get to where I felt like my brain is just mush right now, because there’s so much going on. And when I take my Adderall, it’s like the angels sing and the choir sings, and the  lights shine and, oh my gosh, I have clarity. Do you feel that way?

LJ: Yes, the Adderall, there’s a clear difference between me when I remember—and I usually do remember to take it in the morning—but there is a clear difference in my ability to focus, stay on track when I take my Adderall and when I don’t. And what I also notice is that  when I was originally only dealing with the depression and anxiety, when we started treating the ADHD, the depression and anxiety symptoms declined significantly.

LORI: Nice, really, nice. That’s amazing. 

LJ: And I could say, like, if I had to pick which one is the one that I feel like may make my life the hardest, which one exacerbated the other ones, I would say it was the ADHD and getting that under control helped get everything else under control.

LORI: It does. Yeah, it really does. It really does. I think it helps you with your sensitivity. I think it helps you  with anxiety. I mean, I literally have less anxiety now than I’ve ever had. I lived with a kind of a low hum of anxiety, and I don’t have that anymore, now that I’m medicated and I can accept myself and how I think and not be so judgy, it’s just easier. Everything is easier. 

32:38

So let’s talk about if you are undiagnosed, if you think you might be undiagnosed ADHD, or even if you never gave it a thought, what red flags should people look for?

LJ: Oh no, not red flags, don’t call them red flag. 

LORI: What would you call them? 

LJ: What would I call them? So we’re talking about what should you look for if you think you might have ADHD? First of all, if you’re thinking you have ADHD, you probably have already looked up several books and know what the symptoms are. You’re like, yup, you’re making the connection. But I think what is kind of a—not to not answer the question—but I think what’s a bigger concern is that why there are so many people that are undiagnosed. Because of that lack of health care coverage. I feel like that piece is even more important. That’s why we have so many people who don’t have an official diagnosis and aren’t able to get help because of the lack of health care and mental health care. 

LORI: Cause the test is really expensive, right? Test for it? I mean, I didn’t get a formal test. Did you get a formal test? 

LJ: I did, yes. 

LORI: Yeah. I have a psychiatrist I see, and he said, we could put you through this test, and it’s like $1,200 which, again, how many of us have that? 

LJ: Yeah, several hours. 

LORI: And he said, but knowing you like I know you and you’re seeing someone who is a therapist who is specialized in ADHD—because there are therapists who specialize, which I think is really good recommendation—he said, I’m very confident you have it. And I was like, great. And so he’s prescribed the Adderall, because you do need a doctor to prescribe the Adderall that you need. If it’s something that you want to try. 

LJ: Yeah it can’t be like a counselor or like an MSW, or nothing. You need somebody with a medical degree. 

LORI: Yeah, even then I would say a specialist, right? Somebody who knows about it. 

LJ: Yes, you know what? Because, honestly, my primary care physician refused to prescribe me Adderall and made me go to a psychiatrist. So, yeah.

34:47

LORI: Yeah, yeah. Smart, really smart. So I think if you, if you think you have it, if you can afford therapy, that’s the place to go. If you can’t afford therapy…

LJ: I wish I could think of all the books that would be good. 

LORI: There are some great books and great podcasts too. I spent some time listening to some podcasts. Was amazingly helpful.

LJ: You’re gonna laugh, but the ADHD for dummies book is fantastic, fantastic. I think that the biggest thing, if you suspected you—even if, just in general, I think this is good advice—don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t say these negative things to yourself, and take on these negative labels, as if it’s an identity. Regardless of whether or not you’re able to get an ADHD diagnosis, because I’m pretty confident saying the problem is not that you’re lazy. The problem is not that you’re defective or there’s something wrong with you or you’re broken. The problem is probably—and I didn’t even call it a problem—because I don’t want to say that you know, our brains being different as… it’s a problem for everybody else.

LORI: I get that. Well, and it also, there’s some some strength there too, I think. There’s some positives to it, who we are, right? Who we are as people. 

LJ: I was just messaging about this, that like, when there’s a long weekend off, like, how we just have Black Friday and Thanksgiving, I will get like 20 projects done in 15 minute increments. It is insane. That is the ADHD brain right there. Like 20 different projects will get done over the course of, I spent 15 minutes cleaning up this, and then I spent 15 minutes organizing this, and then I spent 15 minutes doing that, but just know that I’m going to get, like, four weeks worth of work done in those little 15 minute increments. Yes, in three days, in 15 minute increments, I’m going to get four weeks worth of stuff done. Who else can do that? We can do that! 

LORI: Exactly, exactly. So it can be a superpower. And I would suggest if you’re not sure, or you’re in between health plans, which I know a lot of us are, to look at the ADHD workbooks, listen to the podcasts, if you can, get to a therapist. Right? 

LJ: Oh! There’s a site. ADDitude! I believe it’s called ADDitude. I used to be on there a lot. They have articles. They have free webinars. If you sign up for their webinar and you can’t attend, they’ll send you the recording for free. They’ve got books. They’ve got manuals. I’ve actually bought three of them.

LORI: This is the site, wow. It’s called attitude. It’s ADDitudemag.com. There’s parenting, adults. There’s a directory for professionals. There’s symptom checkers, symptom tools, ADHD 101, oh what a gold mine.

LJ: Oh, my God, yes. Please, please, please. And again, free webinars. They talk about the impact of music on the ADHD brain, just all kinds of niche things that you’re like… They’ll have a webinar, and I’ll be like, how did they know I was going through that? How did they know I was thinking that way? Like it’s an amazing resource. And if you see a webinar, even if you can’t attend, sign up for it and they send you the replay. They’ll email it to you. Positive psychology.com. Has been a good resource as well.

LORI: I mean, the podcasts are amazing too. There’s so much resources, there’s so much about there. 

LJ: I haven’t had a chance to get into podcast. I think I’m like, so behind. I feel like everyone has one.

LORI: If you go out and just put ADHD in your favorite podcast platform, you’ll see a ton of them. Take a listen to three or four of them and find one that works for you, and it’ll help you feel normal. And I don’t mean normal is a good thing, because sometimes it’s not, but it’ll help you feel—to me, I always felt so weird, like I was just weird. I did do things differently, and I’m odd and unique. And you know, of course. I made that not necessarily a good thing, right? But in reality, if you are on the ADHD spectrum, I could call it, it’s okay. It’s totally okay. 

If you are someone who thinks you have adult ADHD, it is common and it is manageable, and you can get answers. And I think we’ve given you a ton of different resources, right? 

LJ: Yes. 

LORI: And don’t ignore the patterns that trip you up. Get curious if something resonates with you and you think you should, you know, go get some therapy or some medication. Keep going in that direction and see what happens, because even small changes can make a huge difference in how you function, right?

39:54

LJ: Yes, and again, you’re gonna judge me for this, but let’s say you can’t even find a therapist that’s sliding scale, honestly, the ADHD for dummies and the CBT, that’s cognitive behavioral therapy for dummies. Those are incredible. The first of all, shout out to the whole four dummies, cast. All of their books are amazing. I own no less than 60 of them. That’s not an exaggeration. That’s probably an underestimation. But the CBT one, cognitive behavior therapy, it tells you about your—so with ADHD, you have those executive functioning skills that are, I don’t want to say impaired—but what it does is that helps you with those thoughts that you have, and being able to recognize them, stop them in their tracks, and reverse them. Again, like I know that there are so many people who probably, who don’t have healthcare coverage, who this isn’t even something they’d be able to afford. If you are high functioning, high performing, there are a lot of really good books out there that you can get and kind of band-aid yourself up for it. 

LORI: So okay. LJ, where can people reach you and see what you’re up to and follow your work?

LJ: So, ah, it’s a Facebook. Well, I do have my Facebook, business page LJ the Coach. I don’t spend a ton of time on there. I would rather you check out the YouTube channel, because that’s where you’re going to get the real value. You’re going to get my coaching videos for free, and not just ADHD, but again,that triple Dipper platter, ADHD, anxiety, depression. I also talk about recovery, overcoming childhood trauma and complex PTSD. That’s something that’s really important to me, so I talked about that as well. And I’m very eclectic. I do tarot, I read astrology. I just I’m ADHD. That’s why you’re watching this. Is because we’re so fucking eclectic, and we do like 13 different things that seem contradictory, but we make that shit, we blend it in a pie, we make it work. So yes, if you’re, I think you know, if you’re my people, definitely. It’s called the empowered as fuck channel. There’s somebody, somebody else stole that name. It’s a guy. Clearly, it’s 

a white guy. So if you put it in power as fuck, and you don’t see a black woman, clearly, that’s not me. Also try LJ the Coach, and then check me out on threads too, LJ the Coach. 

42:39

LORI: Love it. Love it, love it, love it. Okay, thank you so much for joining me, LJ, I really, really appreciated you sharing all your thoughts, and I think we could probably go on for an hour and a half at least. Because there’s so much to talk about. So I really appreciate you for being here with us and sharing your things, and we will have you back. For sure. I think we should do a CPTSD episode. I really do. There’s so many. Of us that suffer. 

But in the meantime, if you are watching this on YouTube, please do me a favor, subscribe to the channel, like the video, and if you know someone who has been talking about maybe they’re ADHD and they’re looking for resources. Turn them on to this episode, send it to them. It could be helpful to them figuring out what path they want to go on to work better with their brains wiring, because that’s really what we’re talking about. We’re not talking about diagnosing yourself with a disorder that you know, oh, it’s going to change your life forever because you won’t have that disorder anymore. We’re just talking about the things that you can do to work better with your current wiring, not work against it, but work with it. And that’s what’s really going to help you be successful and more than that, happy, because that’s part of what I think we should all have, some of that joy and peace and, you know, happiness that is part of being human. So yep, that’s it. So thank you again, LJ, and we will be back soon with another episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be An Idiot, where we help you learn to play the emotional contact sport of business, and we also share life tips, things like that, things that can help you be more successful. So thank you so much. We’ll see you again soon.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

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