In this week’s episode, I am discussing the reasons why love is NOT enough to sustain a healthy, happy, long term romantic relationship. For years, there was this belief that if two people loved each other that this was all they needed to have a great relationship. We now know that this is a myth. Healthy, functional relationships and marriages take so much more than love and chemistry and connection. Many people don’t have the proper skills to communicate effectively with each other or the conflict resolution skills to manage the hard times.

Couples put too much emphasis on having that “spark” or “butterflies” with someone. Focusing on the relationship you want to have FIRST, and then finding the person who you can have that relationship with makes more sense in the long term. And studies have shown that you can develop an attraction for a person after getting to know them better and determining that they possess characteristics that you respect and esteem. Remember, I often say that we need equal parts love, chemistry and attraction AND all the ways the relationship makes sense! The person is able to meet some basic needs that you have for a healthy partner as well as feeling a deep connection and chemistry.

Much of this discussion today was taken from a book I have read many times by Sol Gordon, Ph.D. called “Why Love Is Not Enough”. This book was written in 1998 but much of the information in it is still very relevant today. Check it out here on Amazon today.