OMG, Kristy’s running for eighth-grade president! Which sounds extremely low-stakes until you compare it to Mallory’s unopposed run for seventh-grade secretary. Plus, a delightful glimpse of what might have been, if only Scholastic weren’t COWARDS.

On today’s agenda: Alan Gray’s writhing corpse; pizza legalities; Esther questions the nature of her reality; gritty, challenging middle-school theatre; a terrible shortage of visiting authors; delicious moles; pandering to the electorate for fun and profit; extensive bike-based misery; a Frookie Cookie deep dive.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

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