OMG, Mallory’s finally found her dream horse! Unfortunately she’s also found her nightmare horse, so, win some lose some. Meanwhile, we debate which legendary Irish figure would look best on stilts, and there’s some stuff about a blanket.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Kristy’s running for eighth-grade president! Which sounds extremely low-stakes until you compare it to Mallory’s unopposed run for seventh-grade secretary. Plus, a delightful glimpse of what might have been, if only Scholastic weren’t COWARDS.

On today’s agenda: Alan Gray’s writhing corpse; pizza legalities; Esther questions the nature of her reality; gritty, challenging middle-school theatre; a terrible shortage of visiting authors; delicious moles; pandering to the electorate for fun and profit; extensive bike-based misery; a Frookie Cookie deep dive.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there are 2 many babies! Well, it’s more like two actual babies and a ton of eggs that the girls and their pretend husbands have imprinted on, because it’s the mandatory egg baby episode! Plus, we all learn a valuable lesson about not relying on were-hedgehog erotica for accurate information on natural history topics.

On today’s agenda: real men dispose of their documents responsibly; Karen goes against her own moral code but stops short of murder; Logan fails as a provider because he’s 13; more cinema-based humiliation; 32 pages on the real meaning of marriage; an unusually entertaining yet troubling Pike chapter; WE WENT TO LONDON AND DID THE THING; a traumatic egg-based jumpscare; non-toxic, painless baby paint; the one non-negotiable requirement of competent parenting.

Full context for the ferret thing: https://www.newsweek.com/move-over-meerkat-manor-87497

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Mallory’s found a ghost cat! Or a reincarnation cat? Or possibly just a regular cat? This book definitely comes down on the side of “ghosts are real”, but is EXTREMELY vague on what ghosts actually are and whether they can use a litterbox. Also, the Pikes learn about Alzheimer’s! Merry Christmas, folks!

On today’s agenda: a litany of crimes against food; the cool lesbian biker auntie we all wish we were; Mallory and Jessi’s shameful secret; it’s not crop theft if you know the farmer; some remarks about aging that are frankly uncalled-for; cut-rate ectoplasm detectors are a false economy; Claudia Kishi, old-person whisperer; Esther’s cat chooses violence.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Laine’s coming to Stoneybrook! Unfortunately, she’s become a huge pain in the ass! And she’s way beyond pigs. Thank goodness Kristy’s here to be loudly unimpressed. Meanwhile, we plan for extremely specific hypothetical fights among our various children.

On today’s agenda: Chekhov’s bathtub; respecting your friends by blowing up their graves; everyone’s favourite sleepover movie; china clown fandom rise up; seasonal rodent copyright law; bringing back 1910s slang to prove a point; adventures in prune art; a tasteful anecdote from Karen and Esther's school days; half a borough of fun; the crucial differences between a casual red outfit and a trendy red outfit.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn’s got a big date, some homemade sweat skirts, a repertoire of PUA techniques, and a new personality! Also there’s some terrible stuff about fat-shaming. Meanwhile, we sample authentic Californian cuisine, learn about amino acids, and make some travel plans we may come to regret.

Simpering wistfully into the void; a black hole of dysfunction; alcohol and violence and sexy postcards and eating in front of the TV; a romantic afternoon in the chastity barn; an extremely overdressed lump; a duckface epiphany; ill-advised pieces of mail through history; a tasteful tribute to Southern culture; outfits that go from day to synagogue to night; SOY; giving a small but non-zero amount of fucks; failing upwards into a relationship; The Secret for men; Panic! At the Movie Theatre; Dawn invents emo fashion.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, we’re back! After a lengthy hiatus involving international travel, LARPing toddlers and multiple cases of Covid, it’s finally time for part 2 of Snowbound! 

On today’s agenda: we finally hold Belgium accountable; Get Ready With Kristy; southern boys be skiing; how to know when it’s true love, Ann-style; the haunting of Bart Taylor; Chewy’s double life; Esther says a wrong word; Richard Spier has some chill downtime; a land of wonder and bad cup noodles; Madame Noelle busts out the emergency liqueurs; the best Christmas present for the boring stepfather in your life; a lot of depressing foreshadowing about climate change.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, the babysitters are snowbound! And they’re very very surprised by this, despite extensive weather forecasts warning them about this exact situation! We had so much to say about this one that we couldn’t fit it all in one episode, so this is part 1 of 2. Will the babysitters die of hypothermia and/or embarrassment? Stay tuned!

On today’s agenda: a tragic lack of mole people; Kristy negs her way into the Stoneybrook News; important fashion history facts; a brief glimpse of panties; a lot of ambient shrieking from Esther’s neighbour kids; sibling psy ops; late-breaking news about Vivaldi; advanced romance-quashing techniques with Nannie; Dawn’s mom breaks out the swear words.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, Dawn’s gotta beware! There’s a snake boy loose in San Francisco! Also, the local kids are manipulating the hell out of the babysitters, and we’re here for it. Meanwhile, Stacey is having glamorous adventures and nobody cares.

On today’s agenda: Bruce Stringbean; Kristy’s intervention consultancy; a frankly unreasonable amount of babysitting; extremely convincing California dialect; flagrant Australia erasure; a kipper in the ear; plausible bean deniability; an impressive commitment to collage; cinema recommendations with Karen’s nine-year-old; we have Opinions about Mansfield Park. 

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on  Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!

OMG, there’s a genius in Stoneybrook and it’s not Janine! Janine WISHES she was as talented as this kid. Meanwhile, we experimet with a pivot to audio drama.

On today’s agenda: mandatory Disneyworld representation; unspeakable crimes against God and nature; Chekhov’s Toupee; Karen’s son makes Esther insecure; leave Mckenzie Clarke alone; Alan Gray surprises and delights us; Uncle Andy’s Tar Machine; Claudia fails third-grade fox biology; an infestation of art pseuds; crosswords as a spectator sport; nobody needs to know more than one (1) cricket player.

Our theme song is ‘The Incredible Shrinking Larry’ by Matt Oakley and ‘Big Band Jingle A’ is by Lobo Loco, both on the Free Music Archive.

If you like our show, tell a friend, rate and review on your podcast app of choice, drop us an email, or come say hi on  Instagram! We also have a ko-fi and we're real self-conscious about it!