Five Key Points for Effective Communication

Listen. Really listen to what the other party is trying to say without thinking about how you plan to respond. Pay attention to the words, tone, and body language of the person you are communicating with. Ask yourself: “What is this person trying to tell me?” Attempt to be a receptive. Try not to attack, blame, or criticize the person who is trying to communicate with you. Ideally, you’d want to be able to provide a safe, non-judgemental space, to allow the other person to speak honestly without filtering.   

Repeat the message you believe you are hearing. Paraphrase what you believe the sender is trying to communicate. This will confirm that you understood the message and provide an opportunity to ask questions to clarify, if needed. For example, “So what I’m hearing is that you need 15 minutes of quiet time after you arrive home to unwind, before I speak to you, is that correct?” The sender will be able to confirm the point of his or her message.

People think differently than you do. Keep in mind that people have their own viewpoints and internal representations of the world. Your view creates your reality, and their view creates theirs. The person you are communicating with, might have a different representation of the world than you. Common representational systems are visual (sight), auditory (sounds), kinesthetic (feeling), and audio digital (self talk and making sense of the world).  An example of self talk is “I need to process this information”, or “I know exactly what you are talking about” 

Clarify your message and keep it simple. Use language that gets your point accross without being too complex, or difficult to understand. Keep vocabulary appropriate to your audience. Sometimes simple can be the most effective. 

Understand your communication style. Men and women have different  communication styles. What is the purpose of your communications? Is one person seeking to be listened to, and understood, or is he or she looking for a solution to a problem? Men, in general tend to be direct communicators, and in general, women tend to be indirect. I typically am an indirect communicator. I give hints and clues without directly asking, however, when I know I need to get something done quickly and effectively, I make a conscious transition to direct communication style.

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