Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, and the magical wizard Gandalf the Grey, Michael straight up ate an elephant. Like he did that, and Tyler cheered him on. Dylan was there, too, and honestly we’re not sure if we should call the zoo or the police. Anyway, everyone in baseball is signing one year contracts, except for Kyle Schwarber and Archie Bradley: they didn’t get invited to the party and that’s kinda sad, but not like the sad where you cry, more like the sad where you feel guilty, kinda like a criminal or something idk. Bryce Harper makes a surprise appearance but not for good reasons. Andy Martino is such a dumb person we’re not even sure if he knows how to walk and breathe air at the same time (this also applies for Aubrey Huff). Don’t solicit prostitutes or you’ll end up like Brian O’Nora. Remember Bryan LaHair? Yeah, we neither, which is why we don’t say his name during this episode.