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Episode # 8: How to Navigate Abandonment and Rejection with Elaine Briefman
Welcome to An Apple A Day Podcast with Dr. Amanda! Today's guest is Pastor Elaine Briefman, a pastoral counselor and entrepreneur, who speaks about ways to navigate through abandonment and rejection. Her resources can be found at identityabuse.com
Timestamps
2:20: Dr. Amanda: What are the characteristics of abandonment and rejection?
2:25: Elaine: Characteristics can vary depending upon age, culture, and each individual. Being ignored feels like rejection. This can happen with family relationships.
3:55: Dr. Amanda: What is one way you experienced abandonment and rejection?
4:15: Elaine: I was given up for adoption at birth so I began with rejection and abandonment.
5:47: Elaine: What happened was that because of his lie taught me not to tell the truth and be whoever somebody else wanted me to be. I wore a mask…”
7:15: Elaine: When in my study, I heard two words. Identity. Abuse. I went, What is that? My identity was abused before I had formed my own identity. I adopted an identity based on all of this rejection and lived that out in my life.
8:25: Elaine: I created Identity Abuse Busters. This is at identityabuse.com.
10:35: Dr A: What were some of the hard thoughts and feelings during this journey?
10:35: Elaine: The truth versus a feeling. I was believing a lie even though it felt really true. Is what I am thinking based on what I am thinking or what I am feeling?
11:22: Elaine: Some of the feelings you have are normal based on your situation. Do I think about how I feel?
11:55: Dr. Amanda: Do you think based on complex trauma that identity is a safety blanket walking in this belief that if it got pulled away you would have to go to that hard part?
12:15? Elaine: I think that the journey of healing can be scary. It can be perceived to be so scary that it can be avoided. The question is what did I believe about myself about the situation?
13:Dr. Amanda: Some people believe if I go through the pain I will be more of a mess going through that or the fear of going there it's painful but then comes freedom
14:07: Elaine: How do we open up conversations that no one wants to talk about it? Some topics create a sense of insecurity so it is hard to have that discussion.
14:55:Elaine: I also had to really look at what do I believe and what does the church have to see if I can stay in the church.
16:07: Dr. Amanda: Did you have anyone you trusted during your journey?
16:15: Elaine: No, not really. In the era I grew up there wasn’t a talk about sexual abuse.
17:55: Dr. Amanda: There can be silence on sexual abuse in the church as a counselor do you see a change?
18:08: Elaine: The church needs to understand its role and where to send people. The more pastors get the help they are more inclined to help people as well.
18:20: Dr. Amanda: If we do not have the training we may say something to kids that may do more harm than good. It is important for different organizations to know how to respond to mental health and trauma.
19:30: Elaine: As a leader of any kind in the community to have resources to help the individual and refer them to the appropriate authorities. One of the biggest challenges is knowing when you don’t know and be ok to refer them and normalize it.
21:35: Dr. Amanda: Are there any other tips for people who are struggling with rejection and abandonment?
23:45: Elaine: You get to choose what you think about yourself. It’s a choice.
24:Dr Amanda: No matter what you are loved and who you are is not a disappointment
25:00: Elaine: My resources are: identityabuse.com and an e-course called Identity Abuse Busters on the website: identityabuase.com. Pastor Elaine also has a published book called Jesus Is In about Jesus with 100 quotes applicable to your life for today.
View all episodes
By Amanda HelmanWelcome to An Apple A Day Podcast with Dr. Amanda! Today's guest is Pastor Elaine Briefman, a pastoral counselor and entrepreneur, who speaks about ways to navigate through abandonment and rejection. Her resources can be found at identityabuse.com
Timestamps
2:20: Dr. Amanda: What are the characteristics of abandonment and rejection?
2:25: Elaine: Characteristics can vary depending upon age, culture, and each individual. Being ignored feels like rejection. This can happen with family relationships.
3:55: Dr. Amanda: What is one way you experienced abandonment and rejection?
4:15: Elaine: I was given up for adoption at birth so I began with rejection and abandonment.
5:47: Elaine: What happened was that because of his lie taught me not to tell the truth and be whoever somebody else wanted me to be. I wore a mask…”
7:15: Elaine: When in my study, I heard two words. Identity. Abuse. I went, What is that? My identity was abused before I had formed my own identity. I adopted an identity based on all of this rejection and lived that out in my life.
8:25: Elaine: I created Identity Abuse Busters. This is at identityabuse.com.
10:35: Dr A: What were some of the hard thoughts and feelings during this journey?
10:35: Elaine: The truth versus a feeling. I was believing a lie even though it felt really true. Is what I am thinking based on what I am thinking or what I am feeling?
11:22: Elaine: Some of the feelings you have are normal based on your situation. Do I think about how I feel?
11:55: Dr. Amanda: Do you think based on complex trauma that identity is a safety blanket walking in this belief that if it got pulled away you would have to go to that hard part?
12:15? Elaine: I think that the journey of healing can be scary. It can be perceived to be so scary that it can be avoided. The question is what did I believe about myself about the situation?
13:Dr. Amanda: Some people believe if I go through the pain I will be more of a mess going through that or the fear of going there it's painful but then comes freedom
14:07: Elaine: How do we open up conversations that no one wants to talk about it? Some topics create a sense of insecurity so it is hard to have that discussion.
14:55:Elaine: I also had to really look at what do I believe and what does the church have to see if I can stay in the church.
16:07: Dr. Amanda: Did you have anyone you trusted during your journey?
16:15: Elaine: No, not really. In the era I grew up there wasn’t a talk about sexual abuse.
17:55: Dr. Amanda: There can be silence on sexual abuse in the church as a counselor do you see a change?
18:08: Elaine: The church needs to understand its role and where to send people. The more pastors get the help they are more inclined to help people as well.
18:20: Dr. Amanda: If we do not have the training we may say something to kids that may do more harm than good. It is important for different organizations to know how to respond to mental health and trauma.
19:30: Elaine: As a leader of any kind in the community to have resources to help the individual and refer them to the appropriate authorities. One of the biggest challenges is knowing when you don’t know and be ok to refer them and normalize it.
21:35: Dr. Amanda: Are there any other tips for people who are struggling with rejection and abandonment?
23:45: Elaine: You get to choose what you think about yourself. It’s a choice.
24:Dr Amanda: No matter what you are loved and who you are is not a disappointment
25:00: Elaine: My resources are: identityabuse.com and an e-course called Identity Abuse Busters on the website: identityabuase.com. Pastor Elaine also has a published book called Jesus Is In about Jesus with 100 quotes applicable to your life for today.