Well Sh*t. It really is that simple...

Episode 85 - “You should smile more…”

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Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 85 - “You should smile more…” is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Other people’s emotions or lack thereof have the potential to get a reaction from others, especially those viewed by society as “negative”.  The drive behind comments such as “you should smile more” or “you’d look so much better if you smiled” can come from a place of unmet needs. In this episode we discuss how these instances can be an opportunity for self-inquiry and self-reflection. We also go through the best way to approach someone if you are genuinely concerned about their wellbeing.

In this episode, we cover…

  • How “you should smile more” gets said more frequently to women
  • Claire and Serena share personal experiences about this
  • The issue with the fact that there is a well-known phrase that is generally directed at women who don’t have a smile on their face and that there is no equivalent for men
  • How being uncomfortable because someone else isn’t smiling is due to our unmet needs and being uncomfortable
  • How this phrase relates to how the world values women’s attractiveness
  • How wanting other people around us to be happy is due to one or more of our unmet needs
  • How to shift perspective and address the situation in a Selfirst way through self reflection and meeting our own needs
  • How to navigate a situation where we catch ourselves after we have said something along the lines of “you should smile more…”
  • The importance of self-inquiry in relation to this situation
  • How to approach someone in a compassionate and curious way if you are genuinely concerned about them
  • The difference between trying to change where someone is at and being compassionate by inquiring and offering support
  • Why we shouldn’t comment on someone else’s appearance, including perceived positive ways
  • How acknowledging someone does not have to be about anything superficial
  • How complementing superficial things can feed an unhealthy dynamic in terms of how we get our needs met, especially our value need
  • The difference between inquiring how someone is due to genuine concern and commenting about what you perceive, for example: “Are you doing ok?” vs “You look so tired!”
  • Remembering that if you are on the receiving end of these kinds of comments, you don’t owe anyone anything. However, you can choose to respond if your Safety and Security need is threatened or if you don’t have the capacity to interact 
  • How you also have a choice of ignoring someone that passes these kind of comments 
  • The importance of acknowledging whatever feelings come up for you in this situation
  • Remembering that you can also respond by saying “no” or “no, thank you”
  • How to flip the focus on them by asking them questions like “what would that change for you?”
  • Why asking questions is a better way to interact with someone, if you choose to do so and how that has the potential to dismantle their thinking

    • Episode references:

    The episode in which we mention negative emotions is Episode 32 - Why there's no such thing as negative emotions

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    Well Sh*t. It really is that simple...By The Universal Needs
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