Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 195 - "Why there is no such thing as win-lose in relationships" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

In life, you win some and you lose some. However, when it comes to our relationships, there is no win-lose. If it's not a win-win, it's a lose-lose and if something doesn't work for one person, it doesn't actually work for the other person or the needs of the relationship. Tune in to discover how finding the win-win can drastically change and improve the relationships in your life by creating something that works for everyone.

In this episode we cover:

• Raining iguanas and exploding trees
• Why there is no win-lose in relationships
• The effects our relationships have on our needs
• Understanding and recognizing interconnectedness
• How winning an argument can negatively impact our needs
• The repercussions of disconnecting from someone's humanity
• What winning actually is
• The culture of competition in relationships
• When team building builds walls
• Putting energy into collaboration rather than competition
• Finding what works for everyone
• Planting seeds of resentment
• Using an "ideal world" to find a win-win and create a more supportive relationship

Episode References:

• The Interaction Dynamics (shapes) episodes - Episodes 159-169
• The Drama Triangle episodes
• Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach -
• Episode 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• Episode 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes
• Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6)
• Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies
• The Selfirst episodes
• Episode 2 - The wisdom of Joey Tribbiani (An introduction to being Selfirst)
• Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility
• Episode 22 - Selfirst Series: A safe space vs a comfortable space, how a comfortable space can actually cost your needs
• The red green spectrum episode - Episode 121 - How trying to maintain an image can compromise your needs
• The Needs Ecosystem episode - Episode 36 - Self worth Series: Why it's so hard to feel 'enough'

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 194 - "Why it's never to late to say "no"" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Life happens and what needs are up, impacted, met or unmet is constantly changing. Sometimes what was once a legitimate yes is now an unfortunate no. Our last episode was all about the positive impact saying yes can have on your needs. Join us this week as we discuss how sometimes what serves us best is changing our yes to a no and when we feel unable to do so we are impacting ourselves, the other person and our relationship as a whole.

In this episode we cover:

• Some of the reasons we say yes, when it is actually a no
• Focusing on how something meets our needs and not considering the potential negative impact to our needs
• Preventing ourselves from feeling pressured to say yes
• When a yes becomes a no due to circumstances
• Renegotiating agreements and commitments
• Yes And and Yes But
• How to approach the no when have already said the yes
• What is Pancakegate
• When avoiding changing a yes to a no creates a bigger issue
• Providing the why
• If it's not a win-win it's a lose-lose
• Serena's New Years Eve yes that was a New Years Eve no for Claire
• Going into Creator Mode to find something you can say yes to
• Riding the pendulum between yes and no to see where your authentic yes lies
• The negative impact compromising yourself has on your relationships

Episode References:

• The episode about saying no - Episode 69 - How to say 'no' when you find it really hard
• The FOMO episode - Episode 140 - FOMO, ROMO, SOMO and JOMO
• The previous episode on saying yes - Episode 193 - How to learn to say yes more
• Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 193 - "How to learn how to say yes more" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Yes. It's an easy word to say yet many struggle with it; holding them back from possibility, experience and meeting their needs in fulfilling ways. This week we're talking about how to identify and remove the barriers keeping us from saying yes more and what we need to consider to ensure we are saying yes to the things that serve us best.

In this episode we cover:

• Why we may be struggling to say yes
• Getting into the habit of saying yes
• Similarities between the approach to saying no and the approach to saying yes
• Breaking the pattern of saying no
• Figuring out the why behind the no
• Removing the barriers holding us back from yes
• What allowed Serena to say yes more in Key West while also protecting her relationship
• Focusing on the present moment
• When the yes can compromise our needs
• The fear of saying yes
• How to help create security
• Putting ourselves out there and finding or amplifying joy
• The two things that can really help us learn to say yes
• Considerations to make when saying yes
• Saying yes to more things

Episode References:

• Our last episode on control - Episode 192 - How to let go of control
• The episode about saying no - Episode 69 - How to say 'no' when you find it really hard

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 192 - "How to let go of control" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Do you feel the need to control things in your life? You are not alone. Control is something many of us feel we need and rarely do we dive into why we actually feel that way. Spoiler Alert...it has to do with your needs. This week we're getting into the layers of control and how our first 7 Universal Needs may be pulling the stings beneath the surface. If you're looking to change your relationship with control, this episode is for you. 

In this episode we cover:

• What is the need to control
• Where can patterns of control come from
• The impact our met or unmet needs has on our relationship with control
• How to begin changing our relationship with control
• Why we are trying to control
• The relationship between control and anxiety
• How control and our Personal Power Need are linked
• The control fear has over us
• A reminder that you are worthy simply because you exist
• Burnout...the toll of control
• Trying to fit in when we were born to stand out
• Validating ourselves through empathy
• Depreciating value through control
• Internal, quiet, empowerment and how we can obtain it
• Moving forward with baby steps

Episode References:

• The control episode - Episode 24 - How the need to have control is controlling you
• The anxiety episode - Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety
• The acknowledgement episodes: Episode 92 - How to deal with the inner critic and inner saboteur and 176 - Why acknowledgment is more important than most people realize
• The perfectionism episodes - Episode 23 - How to get over perfectionism and Episode 99 - It’s OK to be human
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The whimsy episode - Episode 153 - The power of whimsy when meeting your needs
• Needs Formula episode- Episode 70 - Burning the candle at both ends series: The Needs Formula

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 191 - "How assuming compromises needs" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

They say assuming makes an ass out of you and me. What most people don't know is it compromises the needs of you and me as well. We live in a culture of making snap judgments and just assuming we know someone or a situation however, these assumptions often have us losing sight of our humanity and the humanity of others. This week we're talking about assumptions, the impact making assumptions has on everyone's needs and how to cultivate deeper, stronger and more fulfilling relationships through curiosity.

In this episode we cover:

• When Claire got caught "drinking" on the job
• The real issue with assuming
• How our needs are compromised when assumptions are made
• The difference curiosity can make
• The assumption most people make about Claire and Serena
• What's not nice about "must be nice"
• Social media and the effect assumption can have on our humanity
• What we mean when we talk about curiosity
• Building trust and connection through curiosity
• The question to ask yourself when you're curious
• Removing the middle man from our connections
• Assuming you know the people you know

Episode References:

• Dark Side of Questions episode: Episode 172 - The darker side of questions

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 190 - "None of your business" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

As adults, most of us have probably been on both sides of the "none of your business" fence. Either getting ourselves involved in something that is none of our business or having someone get involved in our business that was none of theirs. In this week's episode we're getting into all the business and talking about how to determine if something is our business, navigating situations that are and aren't our business and how our unmet needs may be leading us right into none of our business.

In this episode we cover:

• What Mr. Razzle Dazzle gets that many humans don't
• The man who thought it was his business...spoiler alert, it was not
• What is belonging and why does it matter
• Why Emotional Experience and Expression is one of the most compromised needs
• When curiosity and concern come into play
• Determining whether something is our business or not
• Approaching with curiosity when it might be our business
• What to do if we find ourselves in a situation that is none of our business
• The needs that are often up when we jump into things that are none of our business

Episode References:

• Clearing Niggles episode: Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• Direct Communication episode: Episode 186 - The Importance of Direct communication

Notes:

• Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 189 - "What is unsupportive discomfort" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Not all discomfort is good for us. In our last episode we talked about supportive discomfort, how to get comfortable with it and why it's important to do so. As usual there is nuance, nuance, nuance and this week we'll be identifying the discomfort you don't want to get comfortable with...unsupportive discomfort. Tune is as we discuss how to identify unsupportive discomfort and what to do in situations where you find yourself in these uncomfortable spaces.

In this episode we cover:

• Some additional notes on supportive discomfort
• What is unsupportive discomfort
• Having empathy for the needs that are up in someone else
• What to do when you find yourself in unsupportive discomfort
• Getting clear on what unsupportive discomfort feels like
• Understanding the difference between supportive discomfort and unsupportive discomfort
• Trusting and, when possible, identifying the why
• Indicators of unsupportive discomfort
• How practicing supportive discomfort can help us identify unsupportive discomfort

Episode References:

• Clearing Niggles episode: Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• Supportive Discomfort episode: Episode 188 - What is supportive discomfort?

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 188 - "Supportive Discomfort" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Getting comfortable with discomfort...well that just sounds uncomfortable now doesn't it?! What if we told you getting comfortable with the right kind of discomfort can lead to less discomfort in the future. On today's episode we're going to talk about the different types of discomfort, what it means to get comfortable with discomfort, why it's important and how allowing yourself to be uncomfortable in the short term can have a huge positive impact in the longterm.

In this episode we cover:

• What Claire is Wicked excited for
• The two types of discomfort
• Why we need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable
• Moving through uncomfortable situations
• How to build our capacity for being uncomfortable
• What is supportive discomfort
• Sacrificing our Security Need
• How do we lean into supportive discomfort
• The false sense of security "familiar" can create
• Creating stepping stones through discomfort

Episode References:

• Trauma series: Episode 86 - What is trauma?; Episode 87 - How do you identify trauma; Episode 88 - How to heal trauma and triggers

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 187 - "How conflict avoidance often causes more conflict" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

When we avoid conflict we are actually avoiding communication and resolution which is ironically what is needed to avoid further conflict. Avoiding something that is present because it feels uncomfortable in the moment, especially in our close relationships, can make things significantly more uncomfortable in the future. More often than not we chose to wait and avoid conflict, hoping for little things to blow over and we are actually be setting ourselves up for a hurricane. Tune in to find out the impacts that conflict avoidance can be having on you, your relationships and those around you and how to begin to shift our conflict avoidant conditioning.

In this episode we cover:

• One of the primary causes of conflict in our society
• The effect time has on conflict
• When "not a big deal" turns into a REALLY big deal
• Why do people avoid conflict
• What conflict avoidance actually is
• The larger impact of conflict avoidance
• When people show you who they really are
• Where conflict avoidance lives in the Drama Triangle
• How to avoid being conflict avoidant
• Bringing your relationships closer
• When avoiding the conflict is no longer an option
• What you can do if you're not given the choice to resolve a conflict

Episode References:

• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• Episode 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• Episode 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• Guilt and Shame Series -
• Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame
• Episode 44 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise
• Episode 45 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity
• Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

***Trigger Warning - Self unaliving

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 186 - "The Importance of Direct communication" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Many people think they want people to communicate directly with them but when it comes to actually receiving that direct communication, their tune often changes...and quickly. Because we're not use to it, and due to our unmet needs, direct communication can feel like a criticism or an attack when it can actually be what strengthens relationships. Tune into this episode as we discuss the difference between negatively impacting someone's needs and not catering to their comfort and how you can be direct while being mindful of other people's needs.

In this episode we cover:

• A trip down a rabbit hole that changed the topic of this podcast
• Direct communication isn't personal
• Asking for what feels good
• The importance of being transparent
• The anomaly that is Claire
• The art of being direct
• The negative impacts of not being our true and honest self
• Navigating the top three unmet needs in direct communication
• Communicating directly without using verbal language
• Removing the room for interpretation
• Making direct communication successful communication

Episode References:

• Clearing Niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.