Episode 170 - Don't Yuck My Yum

*** Trigger Warning - Sexual Abuse

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 169 - "Understanding the shapes in the context of movies" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

After an unexpected rabbit hole last week, we are going to take two. Join us as we go on a cinematic adventure into needs that leads to places not even we expected to go. In this week's episode we're going to put a Needs Lens on some popular movies, discuss the power of perception in movies, highlight the unsupportive roots of some of our favorite feel good classics and discover some of the unexpected places where the Empowerment Ecosystem lives in cinema.

In this episode we cover:

• Why we suggest using movies to better understand the shapes
• The issue we found when trying to select movies
• The role of the Drama Triangle in "feel good" movies
• Fight Club - 17:14-25:26
• Back To The Future - 25:27-32:20
• What is punch down comedy, why it's harmful and the role you may be playing
• How Hannah Gadsby bucked the trend with Nannette - 47:48-51:58
• Promising Young Woman (Trigger sexual assault and spoiler) - 52:00-1:03:32
• Our viral culture
• The Matrix- 1:09:54-1:13:09
• Lion King - 1:13:10-1:23:49
• What's the harm in Hakuna Matata?
• Shawshank Redemption (spoilers)- 1:23:51-1:37:25

Episode References:

• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Episode 149 - The ONLY thing you owe other people
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10 - (the movies are next!))

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Video clips of scenes we mention (where we've been able to find them) - are in the full show notes, available here: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

*** Trigger Warning - Abuse dynamics

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 168 - "How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10 - (the movies are next!))" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If you're tuning in for our movies episode, we promise its coming next week. Join us on our journey down a rabbit hole so deep, we had to change the episode topic mid-recording. We've spent weeks talking about the shapes and how the Interaction Dynamics apply to us and our relationships however, they don't always apply to everyone. Tune in for todays episode where we focus on our approach and impact specifically in situations regarding power dynamics and with children. What you choose to do now can affect the dynamic approach that your child uses in the future.

In this episode we cover:

• Why the Drama Triangle and Empowerment Ecosystem don't apply the same way to children as adults
• How to lead as a parent in Creator Approach
• The importance of creating consistency with our children and within our daily lives
• Using a container to support children
• The impact of creating options and choice for children
• How power dynamics can affect the Interaction Dynamics
• Recognizing the Harm Dynamic
• Putting responsibility where it needs to be

Episode References:

• Attachment styles - Episode 83 - Conflict Series - Resolving conflict through coping, closing or co-creating
• Principles vs rules - Episode 121 - How trying to maintain an image can compromise your needs
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics
• Links for the "What were you wearing" exhibit:
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Were_You_Wearing%3F
• https://sbaproject.org/what-were-you-wearing/
• https://vimeo.com/1087245651
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdNh87cDHO4

*** Trigger Warning - Abuse, problematic dynamics, domestic abuse

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 167 - "The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We've been talking about the shapes and approaches in the Interaction Dynamics for a while now, but there has always felt like there was something missing...until now. This episode is packed with brand new content that we are sharing for the very first time. Tune in and be among the first to be in the know as we introduce the newest shape in our series, the Harm Dynamic and switch the focus from approach to impact.

In this episode we cover:

• Just existing in the Empowerment Ecosystem
• What driving a manual shift car has to do with the Empowerment Ecosystem
• A child is always in victim, right!? - The question that inspired the shape
• Why do we need the Harm Dynamic shape?
• What is the Harm Dynamic
• The difference between impact and approach
• The four positions in the Harm Dynamic
• The approaches each of these positions can take
• How to intervene without rescuing
• How to find out if something else is going on
• Intervening in an emergency

Episode References:

• The C-word episode - Episode 19 - The C-word
• The Apology Blueprint episode - 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology - Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics
• We are unable to find a clip however the Punky Brewster episode about learning to drive is Season 4, episode 9 - "See You in Court"
• Fishing boat captain video - confrontation begins at 6:09 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuxV5hesA1U

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 166 - "How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Now that we have all of these shapes and approaches, what do we do with them? We're glad you asked. In today's episode we're going to take everything we have talked about over the last 7 episodes and show you how to move from disempowering to empowering. Spoiler alert, the grass really is greener in the Empowerment Ecosystem.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem overview and summary
• The key to the Empowerment Ecosystem
• How to get someone else to move into the Empowerment Ecosystem
• Why Billy No Mates has no mates
• The importance of asking questions and one of the most important questions to ask
• Stepping into the Empowerment Ecosystem if you have been objectively victimized
• How to move from a disempowering to an empowering approach
• The link between trauma and the drama triangle
• The "excitement" of drama
• When is intervention is required
• The difference between a short-term coping strategy and a long-term needs-meeting strategy

Episode References:

• The Apology Blueprint episode - 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology - Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology
• The Trauma Series - Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Notes:

• Perimenopause video we mentioned: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdUjXymE/
• Clips from Working girl showing the scenes we mention:
• The meeting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ep59YP_rqQ
• At 39:20 when she confronts her boss: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3dB6DhRfJw
• Explaining why it was her idea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8WRHX2t_hE

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 165 - "How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Many of us have been taught that giving is a good thing, but the truth is that isn't always the case. The good news is there is a way to make sure that we are contributing in ways that are supportive to ourselves and others. Join us for today's episode where we will get into the last position in the Empowerment Ecosystem, the Creator Approach, and learn how it can help us truly contribute to those around us and our community as a whole.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem overview
• What is the Contributor Approach
• Approaching others as creators not victims through community support
• The different types of contribution we can provide
• The difference between supporting someone's wellbeing and contributing to it
• What is co-regulation and the impact it can have to our nervous system
• How you can contribute by breathing deeply
• When you should step away and why
• Contributing to community
• Simple acts with big impacts
• The 6 Steps to connecting with your Contributor Approach

Episode References:

• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Notes:

• Survivor videos mentioned:
• Conversation between Eva and Joe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Dye4V71l3s
• Videos showing the moment when she had an episode and needed help with co-regulation:
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV1Zd9REHDo
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbgXyK9CHZ0

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

***Trigger Warning - Trauma and abuse

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 164 - "How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If the Rescuer Approach was your go to, then we suggest you tune into this episode as there is another approach that will allow us to truly help support those around us. The Creator Approach is at the core of the Empowerment Ecosystem and today we're going to show you what can be built once we've stepped into this new dynamic.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem overview
• What is the Supporter Approach
• What is empowerment and what is it not
• The critical piece of being in Supporter Approach
• How we can connect to our Supporter Approach
• The type of support someone in a Supporter Approach provides
• The 6 Steps to connecting with your Supporter Approach
• Recognizing the creator in all of us
• Marrying capacity with support

Episode References:

• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 163 - "How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We've spent a lot of time talking about the disempowering approaches to try and meet needs and all that pinging around the Drama Triangle has us dizzy. This week we're switching gears (and shapes) as we get into the core of the empowering approaches. Tune in to find out the approach that will not only help us to meet our needs in more fulfilling ways but can also help support the relationships in our lives.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem
• What is the Creator Approach?
• The 80/20 Rule
• How we can connect to our Creator Approach
• Sparking creativity with noodles
• The context in which we want to be creating
• Why it isn't enough just to want something
• The importance of specific and flexible outcomes
• The 6 Steps to connecting with your Creator Approach
• Making the Creator Approach easier
• What is chunking and what does it have to do with making a PB&J
• How chunking can help when you're navigating challenges
• Becoming the gardener of your own life
• Practicing the Creator Approach
• Learning how to pivot

Episode References:

• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Needs Formula episode- Episode 70 - Burning the candle at both ends series: The Needs Formula
• The episode where we talk about throwing noodles - 145 - When your help is actually a hinderance
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Note:

The PB&J sandwich instructions YouTube video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-6N3bLgYyQ

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

***Trigger Warning - Domestic Abuse

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 162 - "How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

When it comes to the Drama Triangle, taking the Rescuer Approach doesn't seem all that bad, right!? Well, let's just say not everything is as it appears. In today's episode we're going to get deeper into the Rescuer Approach and reveal what really lies behind that mask and cape. Tune in to find out where you may be doing more harm than good.

In this episode we cover:

• Why all the repetition?
• The Victim Approach in disguise
• Good intentions with harmful results
• The speed at which we can change positions in the disempowerment approach
• Finding something that feels a little less sucky
• The relationship between the Rescuer Approach and coaches, councilors and therapists
• What is pin-balling in the Drama Triangle?
• How we engage in these disempowering behaviors within ourselves
• Why we need to be compassionate about our past Drama Triangle behaviors
• The importance of recognizing our objective victimhood
• When we should intervene and come to the rescue

Episode References:

• The intention episode - Episode 41 - Why your intention REALLY doesn't matter…
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The Rescuer Approach episode - Episode 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - Episode 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 161 - "How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It's time pull pull out your cape and your best "I'll save you" because after this episode you may want to retire them both for good. Join us for the third episode in our Shape Series where we get into final disempowerment approach the Rescuer Approach. As recovering rescuers ourselves, lets just say we have a lot of experience with this one.

In this episode we cover:

• A reminder and quick review
• What's at the core of this approach
• What is the Rescuer Approach
• The primary characteristics of someone who is in the Rescuer Approach
• What's important to know about the Rescuer Approach
• Some of the ways the Rescuer Approach manifests in everyday life
• Examples of Rescuer Approach behaviors
• How people move around the Drama Triangle
• Our cultural conditioning around rescuing

Episode References:

• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics