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Episode 9: Boundaries — It's Not What You THink
If your boundaries feel mean at first, you’re probably doing them right.
Most high-achieving women were raised to believe that being helpful, agreeable, and available made them good people. The result? Saying yes when they mean no, giving when they’re empty, and showing up when they need rest. In this episode, Dasha reframes boundaries—not as selfish, but as a radical act of healthy self-interest.
She explains why so many women equate boundaries with rejection, and how “people-pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s fear.” Through personal stories and practical scripts, Dasha shows that boundaries aren’t walls or punishments. They’re information—clear communication about what you are and aren’t available for.
You’ll learn how to identify when guilt is running the show (“I should,” “they’ll be upset if I don’t”) versus when your decisions are rooted in self-interest (“this isn’t aligned with my values,” “I don’t have the bandwidth right now”). She also prepares you for the pushback that inevitably comes when you stop overfunctioning—and reminds you that discomfort isn’t proof you’re doing it wrong; it’s proof you’re growing.
When you stop saying yes out of guilt, your yes becomes more meaningful. Boundaries don’t make you less loving—they make your love more genuine.
Key topics:
- The difference between guilt-driven giving and healthy self-interest
- Why “if your boundaries feel mean, you’re doing them right”
- Scripts for saying no at work, with friends, and in family dynamics
- Building disappointment tolerance and handling pushback
- Why boundaries preserve relationships instead of ruining them
Key Quotes:
“People-pleasing isn’t kindness. It’s fear.”
“Boundaries don’t make you less loving—they make your love more genuine.”
Feeling overwhelmed because you're responsible for everything under the sun?
Take the Energy Leaks Quiz to uncover what's really stealing your energy in just 2 minutes.
Ready to be both boundaried and loving?
Join the Soft & Strong Waitlist — the 12-week group experience for women who want to be both firm and kind, strong and soft.
Connect with Dasha:
Website: coachingbydasha.com
LinkedIn: Dasha Tcherniakovskaia
View all episodes
By Dasha TcherniakovskaiaIf your boundaries feel mean at first, you’re probably doing them right.
Most high-achieving women were raised to believe that being helpful, agreeable, and available made them good people. The result? Saying yes when they mean no, giving when they’re empty, and showing up when they need rest. In this episode, Dasha reframes boundaries—not as selfish, but as a radical act of healthy self-interest.
She explains why so many women equate boundaries with rejection, and how “people-pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s fear.” Through personal stories and practical scripts, Dasha shows that boundaries aren’t walls or punishments. They’re information—clear communication about what you are and aren’t available for.
You’ll learn how to identify when guilt is running the show (“I should,” “they’ll be upset if I don’t”) versus when your decisions are rooted in self-interest (“this isn’t aligned with my values,” “I don’t have the bandwidth right now”). She also prepares you for the pushback that inevitably comes when you stop overfunctioning—and reminds you that discomfort isn’t proof you’re doing it wrong; it’s proof you’re growing.
When you stop saying yes out of guilt, your yes becomes more meaningful. Boundaries don’t make you less loving—they make your love more genuine.
Key topics:
- The difference between guilt-driven giving and healthy self-interest
- Why “if your boundaries feel mean, you’re doing them right”
- Scripts for saying no at work, with friends, and in family dynamics
- Building disappointment tolerance and handling pushback
- Why boundaries preserve relationships instead of ruining them
Key Quotes:
“People-pleasing isn’t kindness. It’s fear.”
“Boundaries don’t make you less loving—they make your love more genuine.”
Feeling overwhelmed because you're responsible for everything under the sun?
Take the Energy Leaks Quiz to uncover what's really stealing your energy in just 2 minutes.
Ready to be both boundaried and loving?
Join the Soft & Strong Waitlist — the 12-week group experience for women who want to be both firm and kind, strong and soft.
Connect with Dasha:
Website: coachingbydasha.com
LinkedIn: Dasha Tcherniakovskaia