This episode, I’m returning to the writings that shaped theearliest years of my healing after my daughter Lucia’s stillbirth in 2008.

These three essays — one on the holy clearing power of the scream, one on the deep and complicated dance of gratitude during suffering, and one on the Buddhist tonglen practice — map my journey through grief, spiritual awakening, sobriety, and self-compassion.

These pieces were written from the raw center of my heart:

• when I was newly grieving,
• newly sober,
• newly trying to exist inside a body again,
• newly understanding what compassion actually means.

In this episode, I read:

7:03 Essay 1. “Scream, Baby” — written two years after my sonZachary’s birth and his time in the NICU, exploring pain, primal release, and the scream as an act of healing.

15:40 Essay 2. “Gratitude” — an essay confronting spiritualbypassing, toxic positivity, what gratitude looks like when you’re grieving, not in spite of grief, and holding space.

26:37 Essay 3. “Tonglen: A Meditation for When You’re in the Weeds”— a compassionate, trauma-informed exploration of the Buddhist practice that helped me breathe inside my pain instead of trying to outrun it.

I also share a gentle guided tonglen practice, a groundingmeditation, and resources for tonglen on my website/blog, which you can access here.

If you’re grieving, healing, overwhelmed, or simply human —this episode is for you.