September 18, 2023

Episode 96 - What to do when they’re not OK Series: How to support without rescuing

1 hour 4 minutes

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 96 - What to do when they’re not OK Series: How to support without rescuing is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

When someone we know is going through a rough time, the temptation is to rush in and rescue them. However, this may not only be detrimental to them but also to ourselves. In this episode we discuss why being a rescuer is a problematic dynamic, the importance of meeting your own needs and supporting the other person with their outcomes.

In this episode, we cover…

How being a rescuer comes up in the drama triangle developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman. We will discuss this dynamic more in future episodes

How trying to rescue someone not only disempowers us but the other person who we are trying to support

How people become rescuers to avoid dealing with personal issues

How rescuers help other people to feel good about themselves through getting their needs met or masking their unmet needs in that way. This may be an unconscious drive and it doesn’t undermine the good intentions of the person trying to helps out

How the first step to avoid being a rescuer is to meet our own needs

We point out the difference between being Selfirst and meeting our needs through being a rescuer

How a lot of what happens regarding our needs happens without our awareness. It is therefore important to meet our needs in such a way that it doesn’t drive our behavior without our awareness

How staying connected to the outcome of supporting someone else prevents us from rescuing them

How the exception to this is if we are responsible for someone else’s situation. Then it is ok to take responsibility and address that

How remembering that we and the other persons are both creators, helps us support them in what they want to create

How there may be different options of what the other person is trying to create and how our role as supporter is to support the outcome they want

How strategic questions might help the other person understand what outcome they want

How questions can be stepping stones for the person to get from where they are to figuring out the outcome they want

The importance of being mindful of how we’re asking the questions, when we’re asking the questions, the pace at which we ask them, where the other person is at when you’re asking the questions and also if they would like help in figuring out the outcome

How just being there for someone and letting them know you are there for them is a great way of supporting someone without becoming a rescuer

How acknowledging and witnessing someone through an emoji, or simple phrases like “I hear you”, “I feel you”, “I’m here for you” can be very healing

How holding space for someone and sending love can be extremely supportive without having to be a rescuer

How because everyone is different, people may need support in a different ways even in the same situation

How there is a way to help someone who doesn’t have the capacity to help themselves without acting as a rescuer

How trying to fix something or a situation for somebody can prevent them from learning how to deal with the situation for themselves

Why it is important to offer support in a way that honors where you and the other person are both at and in line with your both capacities

How it may be easy to be pulled into the rescuer dynamic if someone wants to be rescued

How it’s important to keep in mind that if someone is really not ok, then we might not be the right person to support them. In this situation we can support them to get the right support

Episode references:

Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing NigglesEpisode 46 - How to hold space for someone

...more

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By The Universal Needs

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