October 02, 2023

Episode 98 - Question time: Why am I not doing the thing I want to do?

1 hour 4 minutes

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 98 - Question time: Why am I not doing the thing I want to do? is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It’s question time! Serena asks Claire questions around wanting to start new habits and the resistance she feels around starting them. In this episode we explore why we might be resistant to starting habits we know will benefit us, how to understand what needs are at play and how to shift into creator mode to get those needs effectively met.

In this episode, we cover…

Serena has a question for Claire: “why do I have hesitation and apprehension when I try to start a new habit that I know is going to serve me?”

How there are many different needs-related reasons why this can happen

How there is never a one size fits all answer because of all the layers of nuance in different situations

How the changes that we want to implement come as a long term gain from doing a small action consistently over a period of time. Therefore, the little changes we want to make in the moment do not feel as impactful as the end result

How our coping strategies might give us that “quick hit” of meeting our needs, possibly in a red spectrum way. This is especially present since we live in a society where we are used to getting instant gratification

How starting a new habit always requires an amount of effort and how this generally does not feel as good as the short-term “quick hit” we get from meeting the same need in a less nourishing way

How if you’re meeting your needs in red spectrum way, you might get your needs met in the moment but it will not be as nourishing as meeting your needs in a more fulfilling green spectrum way

How if the habit you want to stop is the only way an unmet need is being addressed (even if it’s in a red spectrum way), it’s going to be extremely difficult to stop the habit without addressing the unmet need underneath

How it’s important to ask ourselves what our outcome is and shift into creator mode in order to meet our needs in a more nourishing way

How if we are thinking about what you “should” be doing whilst meeting our needs in another way, we don’t get the full benefit of it

How, generally speaking, we don’t do something because we believe doing it will cost us or not doing it will benefit us and how we can begin to understand our unmet needs by asking ourselves questions in relation to this

How we create a lot of shame around habits that we know will benefit us but we just can’t seem to start. Shaming ourselves, negatively impacts our needs and the coping strategies we use become more intense

Claire asks Serena questions about her resistance to getting back to dancing to uncover what needs might be affecting her feelings about it

How sometimes there is a part of our subconscious that prevents us from finding out something that is going to be difficult for us to deal with because it will negatively impact us to realize it

How in situations like Serena’s it’s rarely just one thing or one need that’s affected and how this makes it harder to figure out what’s needs are at play

How at a very basic level, we have a choice of doing something or not doing it. In this case both options can meet different sets of needs and this makes it hard to make a decision

How we can shift to creator mode to explore options that bring us more in alignment with the things we want to do, fulfil more of our needs and minimize the things that are going to impact our needs

Episode references:

The episode on the red-green spectrum is Episode 3 - I need to do WHAT?

Episode 91 - How to shift bad habits or change behaviors

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By The Universal Needs

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