Welcome to this edition of China Lifestyle Journeys, the series that brings you chats, discussions and insights on all aspects of Chinese living. We will cover festivals, food, traditions, customs and much, much more. I’m your host Jocelyn … and I’m Mat, just an English guy with lots of questions.

So, Mat, what’s your big question today?

(Mat)

Hello and welcome back to another episode on Chinese culture. Today we’re going to talk about Chinese dining etiquette, so etiquette is just ‘doing things in a polite way’, in different situations, behaving in an appropriate and polite way.

Now, I remember the first time that I came to China, and my first big dinner with workmates. I remember I was quite nervous because I didn’t know anything about Chinese dining etiquette. So let's start with the basics. Let’s imagine that I am going to China for the first time, what do I need to know?

(Jocelyn)

The first thing to keep in mind is the seating arrangement. In a Chinese banquet or formal meal, the host usually sits at the head of the table, and the guests are seated based on their status or age, with the most senior guest sitting closest to the host. So remember the most important person sits at the head of the table.

(Mat)

Now, I’m a bit confused about this, because in a typical European dining situation, the table is like a rectangle, usually a long rectangle. So I know where the ‘head of the table is. It’s at that end. But in most formal Chinese dining situations, the table is round. So where is the ‘head of the table’ if the table is round? What’s the most important seat?

(Jocelyn) 

Yeah, I think you’re right, in traditional Chinese culture, the ‘head of the table’ or the best seat, the seat for the most important person is the seat facing the door, as it is believed to be the most important and prestigious position. So it's always best to wait for the host to direct you to your seat, regardless of the table shape. In fact, it’s quite normal for someone to take the job of assigning seats, someone who knows the rules, so don’t worry, there will usually be someone telling everyone where to sit. So it’s unlikely that you will sit in the wrong place.

(Mat)

OK, so every Chinese meal is eaten with chopsticks of course. And before I came to China for the first time I read in a book that it’s very rude to use your chopsticks in certain ways. And I was quite worried when I sat down for that first big dinner because I couldn’t remember the chopstick rules. So tell me something about this.

(Jocelyn) 

Yeah, in China, there are certain chopstick etiquette rules to keep in mind. One important rule is to never stick your chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice. This is because it looks like incense burning at a funeral and is considered bad luck. Also, it's not polite to use your chopsticks to point or gesture at people, as it's seen as rude. Also, if you're not using your chopsticks, just rest them on chopstick holder or on the edge of your plate, and not on the table or in your food, and put them together neatly.

(Mat) 

Now what about finishing all the food on your plate? Because I've heard different people say different things. I remember someone at the table saying ‘don’t leave any food, let’s finish everything, otherwise it’s wasting food, and at other times I’ve heard people say, you know, don’t eat too much, otherwise you look like a greedy pig. So this is like confusing for me.

(Jocelyn) 

Ah, yes. I think it's common understanding that you must finish all the food on your plate in Chinese culture. Actually, this isn't really true. It's important to take only what you can eat, from the dishes on the table, and it's kind of impolite to waste food. If you can't finish all the food, it's acceptable to leave a small amount on your plate. However, it's also not polite to leave too much food, as it may be seen as wasteful. As for eating too much, it's not seen as a good thing to overeat, this is bad etiquette. So it's best to just take small amount of food and eat it at a medium pace, and if you want more, take more but in small amounts. Never take large amounts from the dishes on the table and pile them up on your plate or in your bowl. Just take little bits. Eat them, and repeat.

(Mat)

Now I remember once, a new workmate came to China from America. It was his first visit to China and it was his first big dinner. And there were many dishes on the table, the usual things, meat dishes, fish, vegetables and things like that. There was one dish, sweet and sour pork ribs. Now this American guy, he loved the ribs, he loved them so much that he didn’t really eat anything else, he just ate these sweet and sour ribs, lots of them! Now I thought this was fine, he liked the ribs. They were delicious, but after the meal, one of my Chinese colleagues said quietly to me, ‘Wow, did you see the American? He’s so rude, eating like that!’ Now that was confused. What was she talking about?

(Jocelyn) 

Well, in general, it's not considered polite to keep eating a lot of the same dish at a Chinese meal. Instead, it's better to try a little bit of everything that's offered on the table. If you keep eating a lot of the same dish, it may be seen as greedy or lacking manners. But, if it’s near the end of the meal or others are full, if someone says something like, ‘eat all the ribs, finish them, so we don’t waste anything’ – that’s totally OK.

(Mat) 

OK, that's good to know. Now what about paying for the meal? I’ve seen Chinese people literally fighting each other, physically fighting about paying the bill at the end of the meal. Now this is very very weird for an English person. So please explain this.

(Jocelyn) 

OK, in China, it's common for the person who invites others to dinner to pay the bill. However, there is also a common thing called "fighting for the bill", where everyone at the table will try to pay the bill. This is seen as a way of showing gratitude or respect for the host. It's not uncommon for people to get a little bit physical but they’re not really fighting. It’s more like a game or competition, and it’s not very serious. So in the end, the host will usually insist on paying the bill, but "fighting for the bill" is just a common gesture.

(Mat) 

Wow, so many rules. It seems like a lot to remember. So what if I forget these? And what if I break some of these rules? 

(Jocelyn) 

Well actually you don’t need to worry too much about it, because you’re not Chinese, you are not expected to know all the rules. Chinese people are quite flexible and understanding. So if a non-Chinese person breaks a few rules, it’s no big deal. Its’ totally OK. But if you can show your Chinese friends or workmates that you know the rules, they will be really impressed.

Well, that’s it for today. We hope you enjoyed this episode, thanks for listening. We hope to see you again next time. Until then, goodbye. Stay wise.

现代社会礼仪无处不在，用餐不单是满足基本生理需要，也是很重要的社交经验。而中西方在餐桌礼仪方面的要求也有许多差别，了解了两者的不同以防止失礼于人。

从餐具使用上看，中餐使用筷子，西餐使用刀、叉，这是中西餐桌礼仪最基本的差异。在使用餐具时中西方均有不同的规范。吃中餐时，不可玩弄筷子，更不可以用筷子向人指指点点或打手势示意。绝对不可吸吮筷子或把筷子插在米饭中，这是大忌。吃西餐时，如手里拿着刀叉切勿指手画脚。说话或交谈时，应将刀叉放在盘子上才合乎礼仪。忌用自己的餐具为别人夹菜。

从座次安排上看，中西都讲究正式的宴请活动的座次安排。中国人请客时，年长者、主宾或地位高的人坐上座，男女主人或陪客者坐下座，其余客人按顺序坐偏座。西方人请客时，男女主人分坐两端，然后按男女主宾和一般客人的次序安排座位，即男女穿插安排。

从就餐氛围上看，中国人餐桌上的闹与西方餐桌上的静是中西餐桌礼仪最根本的差异。中国人一坐上餐桌，便滔滔不绝，相互让菜、劝酒，尽情地享受美味佳肴。这样的宴客方式才能体现主人的热情和诚恳，餐桌上的热闹反映了食客发自内心的欢快。这种“闹”能从某种程度上折射中国人家庭温馨、邻里和睦的“一团和气”。

西方人一坐到餐桌上便静静地切割自家的盘中餐。喝汤时不能发出响声，如汤菜过热，可待稍凉后再吃，不要用嘴吹。吃东西时要闭嘴咀嚼。不要舔嘴唇或咂嘴发出声音。进餐时可以与左右客人交谈，但不要只同几个熟人交谈。左右客人如不认识，可先自我介绍。别人讲话不可搭嘴插话。音量保持对方能听见的程度。咀嚼食物不要说话，即使有人同你讲话，也要等咽下食物后再回答。

世界上各种文化都是平等的，文化无优劣之分。避免用自己的文化、道德、价值观作为标准去衡量、评判，而应采用一种客观的、宽容的态度对待异国文化。

摘自《中西方餐桌礼仪异同》