During the journey back to England I thought much of Strickland. I tried to set in order what I had to tell his wife. It was unsatisfactory, and I could not imagine that she would be content with me; I was not content with myself. Strickland perplexed me. I could not understand his motives. When I had asked him what first gave him the idea of being a painter, he was unable or unwilling to tell me. I could make nothing of it. I tried to persuade myself than an obscure feeling of revolt had been gradually coming to a head in his slow mind, but to challenge this was the undoubted fact that he had never shown any impatience with the monotony of his life. If, seized by an intolerable boredom, he had determined to be a painter merely to break with irksome ties, it would have been comprehensible, and commonplace; but commonplace is precisely what I felt he was not. At last, because I was romantic, I devised an explanation which I acknowledged to be far-fetched, but which was the only one that in any way satisfied me. It was this: I asked myself whether there was not in his soul some deep-rooted instinct of creation, which the circumstances of his life had obscured, but which grew relentlessly, as a cancer may grow in the living tissues, till at last it took possession of his whole being and forced him irresistibly to action. The cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest, and when the young one is hatched it shoulders its foster-brothers out and breaks at last the nest that has sheltered it.

But how strange it was that the creative instinct should seize upon this dull stockbroker, to his own ruin, perhaps, and to the misfortune of such as were dependent on him; and yet no stranger than the way in which the spirit of God has seized men, powerful and rich, pursuing them with stubborn vigilance till at last, conquered, they have abandoned the joy of the world and the love of women for the painful austerities of the cloister. Conversion may come under many shapes, and it may be brought about in many ways. With some men it needs a cataclysm, as a stone may be broken to fragments by the fury of a torrent; but with some it comes gradually, as a stone may be worn away by the ceaseless fall of a drop of water. Strickland had the directness of the fanatic and the ferocity of the apostle.

But to my practical mind it remained to be seen whether the passion which obsessed him would be justified of its works. When I asked him what his brother-students at the night classes he had attended in London thought of his painting, he answered with a grin:

"They thought it a joke. "

"Have you begun to go to a studio here?"

"Yes. The blighter came round this morning -- the master, you know; when he saw my drawing he just raised his eyebrows and walked on. "

Strickland chuckled. He did not seem discouraged. He was independent of the opinion of his fellows.

And it was just that which had most disconcerted me in my dealings with him. When people say they do not care what others think of them, for the most part they deceive themselves. Generally they mean only that they will do as they choose, in the confidence that no one will know their vagaries; and at the utmost only that they are willing to act contrary to the opinion of the majority because they are supported by the approval of their neighbours. It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the convention of your set. It affords you then an inordinate amount of self-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without the inconvenience of danger. But the desire for approbation is perhaps the most deeply seated instinct of civilised man. No one runs so hurriedly to the cover of respectability as the unconventional woman who has exposed herself to the slings and arrows of outraged propriety. I do not believe the people who tell me they do not care a row of pins for the opinion of their fellows. It is the bravado of ignorance. They mean only that they do not fear reproaches for peccadillos which they are convinced none will discover.

But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had no hold on him; he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled; you could not get a grip on him; it gave him a freedom which was an outrage. I remember saying to him:

"Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn't go on. "

"That's a damned silly thing to say. Everyone doesn't want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly content to do the ordinary thing. "

And once I sought to be satirical.

"You evidently don't believe in the maxim: Act so that every one of your actions is capable of being made into a universal rule. "

"I never heard it before, but it's rotten nonsense. "

"Well, it was Kant who said it. "

"I don't care; it's rotten nonsense. "

Nor with such a man could you expect the appeal to conscience to be effective. You might as well ask for a reflection without a mirror. I take it that conscience is the guardian in the individual of the rules which the community has evolved for its own preservation. It is the policeman in all our hearts, set there to watch that we do not break its laws. It is the spy seated in the central stronghold of the ego. Man's desire for the approval of his fellows is so strong, his dread of their censure so violent, that he himself has brought his enemy within his gates; and it keeps watch over him, vigilant always in the interests of its master to crush any half-formed desire to break away from the herd. It will force him to place the good of society before his own. It is the very strong link that attaches the individual to the whole. And man, subservient to interests he has persuaded himself are greater than his own, makes himself a slave to his taskmaster. He sits him in a seat of honour. At last, like a courtier fawning on the royal stick that is laid about his shoulders, he prides himself on the sensitiveness of his conscience. Then he has no words hard enough for the man who does not recognise its sway; for, a member of society now, he realises accurately enough that against him he is powerless. When I saw that Strickland was really indifferent to the blame his conduct must excite, I could only draw back in horror as from a monster of hardly human shape.

The last words he said to me when I bade him good-night were:

"Tell Amy it's no good coming after me. Anyhow, I shall change my hotel, so she wouldn't be able to find me. "

"My own impression is that she's well rid of you, " I said.

"My dear fellow, I only hope you'll be able to make her see it. But women are very unintelligent. "

在回伦敦的旅途上，关于思特里克兰德我又想了很多。我试着把要告诉他妻子的事理出一个头绪来。事情办得并不妙，我想象得出，她不会对我感到满意的，我对自己也不满意。思特里克兰德叫我迷惑不解。我不明白他行事的动机。当我问他，他最初为什么想起要学绘画的时候，他没能给我说清楚，也许他根本就不愿意告诉我。我一点儿也搞不清楚。我企图这样解释这件事：在他的迟钝的心灵中逐渐产生了一种朦胧模糊的反叛意识。但是，一件不容置疑的事实却驳斥了上述解释：他对自己过去那种单调的生活从来没有流露出什么厌烦不耐啊。如果他只是无法忍受无聊的生活而决心当一个画家，以图挣脱烦闷的枷锁，这是可以理解的，也是极其平常的事；但是问题在于，我觉得他绝对不是一个平常的人。最后，也许我有些罗曼蒂克，我想象出一个解释来，尽管这个解释有些牵强，却是唯一能使我感到满意的。那就是：我怀疑是否在他的灵魂中深深埋藏着某种创作的欲望，这种欲望尽管为他的生活环境掩盖着，却一直在毫不留情地膨胀壮大，正象肿瘤在有机组织中不断长大一样，直到最后完全把他控制住，逼得他必须采取行动，毫无反抗能力。杜鹃把蛋下到别的鸟巢里，当雏鸟孵出以后，就把它的异母兄弟们挤出巢外，最后还要把庇护它的巢窝毁掉。

但是奇怪的是，这种创作欲竟会抓住了一个头脑有些迟钝的证券经纪人，可能导致他的毁灭，使那些依靠他生活的人陷入不幸。但是如果同上帝的玄旨妙义有时竟也把人们抓住这一点比起来，倒也不足为奇。这些人有钱有势，可是上帝却极其警觉地对他们紧追不舍，直到最后把他们完全征服，这时他们就抛弃掉世俗的欢乐、女人的爱情，甘心到寺院中过着凄苦冷清的生活。皈依能以不同的形态出现，也可以通过不同的途径实现。有一些人通过激变，有如愤怒的激流把石块一下子冲击成齑粉；另一些人则由于日积月累，好象不断的水滴，迟早要把石块磨穿。思特里克兰德有着盲信者的直截了当和使徒的狂热不羁。

但是以我讲求实际的眼睛看来，使他着了迷的这种热情是否能产生出有价值的作品来，还有待时间证明。等我问起他在伦敦学画时夜校的同学对他的绘画如何评价的时候，他笑了笑说：

“他们觉得我是在闹着玩。”

“你到了这里以后，开始进哪个绘画学校了么？”

“进了。今天早晨那个笨蛋还到我住的地方来过——我是说那个老师，你知道；他看了我的画以后，只是把眉毛一挑，连话也没说就走了。”

思特里克兰德咯咯地笑起来。他似乎一点也没有灰心丧气。别人的意见对他是毫无影响的。

在我同他打交道的时候，正是这一点使我狼狈不堪。有人也说他不在乎别人对他的看法，但这多半是自欺欺人。一般说来，他们能够自行其是是因为相信别人都看不出来他们的怪异的想法；最甚者也是因为有几个近邻知交表示支持，才敢违背大多数人的意见行事。如果一个人违反传统实际上是他这一阶层人的常规，那他在世人面前作出违反传统的事倒也不困难。相反地，他还会为此洋洋自得。他既可以标榜自己的勇气又不致冒什么风险。但是我总觉得事事要邀获别人批准，或许是文明人类最根深蒂固的一种天性。一个标新立异的女人一旦冒犯了礼规，招致了唇枪舌剑的物议，再没有谁会象她那样飞快地跑去寻找尊严体面的庇护了。那些告诉我他们毫不在乎别人对他们的看法的人，我是绝不相信的。这只不过是一种无知的虚张声势。他们的意思是：他们相信别人根本不会发现自己的微疵小瑕，因此更不怕别人对这些小过失加以谴责了。

但是这里却有一个真正不计较别人如何看待他的人，因而传统礼规对他一点也奈何不得。他象是一个身上涂了油的角力者，你根本抓不住他。这就给了他一种自由，叫你感到火冒三丈。我还记得我对他说：

“你听我说，如果每个人都照你这样，地球就运转不下去了。”

“你说这样的话实在是太蠢了。并不是每个人都要象我这样的。绝大多数人对于他们做的那些平平常常的事是心满意足的。”

我想挖苦他一句。

“有一句格言你显然并不相信：凡人立身行事，务使每一行为堪为万人楷模。”

“我从来没听说过，但这是胡说八道。”

“你不知道，这是康德说的。”

“随便是谁说的，反正是胡说八道。”

对于这样一个人，想要诉诸他的良心也是毫无效果的。这就象不借助镜子而想看到自己的反影一样。我把良心看作是一个人心灵中的卫兵，社会为要存在下去制订出的一套礼规全靠它来监督执行。良心是我们每人心头的岗哨，它在那里值勤站岗，监视着我们别做出违法的事情来。它是安插在自我的中心堡垒中的暗探。因为人们过于看重别人对他的意见，过于害怕舆论对他的指责，结果自己把敌人引进大门里来；于是它就在那里监视着，高度警觉地卫护着它主人的利益，一个人只要有半分离开大溜儿的想法，就马上受到它严厉苛责。它逼迫着每一个人把社会利益置于个人之上。它是把个人拘系于整体的一条牢固的链条。人们说服自己，相信某种利益大于个人利益，甘心为它效劳，结果沦为这个主子的奴隶。他把他高举到荣誉的宝座上。最后，正如同宫廷里的弄臣赞颂皇帝按在他肩头的御杖一样，他也为自己有着敏感的良心而异常骄傲。到了这一地步，对那些不肯受良心约束的人，他就会觉得怎样责骂也不过分，因为他已经是社会的一名成员，他知道得很清楚，绝对没有力量造自己的反了。当我看到思特里克兰德对他的行为肯定会引起的斥责真的无动于衷的时候，我就象见到一个奇异的怪物一样，吓得毛骨悚然，赶快缩了回去。

那天晚上在我向他告别的时候，他最后对我说的话是：

“告诉阿美，到这儿来找我是没有用的。反正我要搬家了，她是不会找到我的。”

“我的看法是，她摆脱开你未尝不是件好事，”我说。

“亲爱的朋友，我就希望你能够叫她看清这一点。可惜女人都是没有脑子的。”

I dare say it would have been more seemly to decline this proposal. I think perhaps I should have made a show of the indignation I really felt, and I am sure that Colonel MacAndrew at least would have thought well of me if I had been able to report my stout refusal to sit at the same table with a man of such character. But the fear of not being able to carry it through effectively has always made me shy of assuming the moral attitude; and in this case the certainty that my sentiments would be lost on Strickland made it peculiarly embarrassing to utter them. Only the poet or the saint can water an asphalt pavement in the confident anticipation that lilies will reward his labour.

I paid for what we had drunk, and we made our way to a cheap restaurant, crowded and gay, where we dined with pleasure. I had the appetite of youth and he of a hardened conscience. Then we went to a tavern to have coffee and liqueurs.

I /hæd/ /sed/ all I had to say on the subject that had brought me to Paris, and though I felt it in a manner treacherous to Mrs. Strickland not to pursue it, I could not struggle against his indifference. It requires the feminine temperament to repeat the same thing three times with unabated zest. I solaced myself by thinking that it would be useful for me to find out what I could about Strickland's state of mind. It also interested me much more. But this was not an easy thing to do, for Strickland was not a fluent talker. He seemed to express himself with difficulty, as though words were not the medium with which his mind worked; and you had to guess the intentions of his soul by hackneyed phrases, slang, and vague, unfinished gestures. But though he said nothing of any consequence, there was something in his personality which prevented him from being dull. Perhaps it was sincerity. He did not seem to care much about the Paris he was now seeing for the first time (I did not count the visit with his wife), and he accepted sights which must have been strange to him without any sense of astonishment. I have been to Paris a hundred times, and it never fails to give me a thrill of excitement; I can never walk its streets without feeling myself on the verge of adventure. Strickland remained placid. Looking back, I think now that he was blind to everything but to some disturbing vision in his soul.

One rather absurd incident took place. There were a number of harlots in the tavern: some were sitting with men, others by themselves; and presently I noticed that one of these was looking at us. When she caught Strickland's eye she smiled. I do not think he saw her. In a little while she went out, but in a minute returned and, passing our table, very politely asked us to buy her something to drink. She sat down and I began to chat with her; but, it was plain that her interest was in Strickland. I explained that he knew no more than two words of French. She tried to talk to him, partly by signs, partly in pidgin French, which, for some reason, she thought would be more comprehensible to him, and she had half a dozen phrases of English. She made me translate what she could only express in her own tongue, and eagerly asked for the meaning of his replies. He was quite good-tempered, a little amused, but his indifference was obvious.

"I think you've made a conquest, " I laughed.

"I'm not flattered. "

In his place I should have been more embarrassed and less calm. She /hæd

/ laughing eyes and a most charming mouth. She was young. I wondered what she found so attractive in Strickland. She made no secret of her desires, and I was bidden to translate.

"She wants you to go home with her. "

"I'm not taking any, " he replied.

I put his answer as pleasantly as I could. It seemed to me a little ungracious to decline an invitation of that sort, and I ascribed his refusal to lack of money.

"But I like him, " she said. "Tell him it's for love. "

When I translated this, Strickland shrugged his shoulders impatiently.

"Tell her to go to hell, " he said.

His manner made his answer quite plain, and the girl threw back her head with a sudden gesture. Perhaps she reddened under her paint. She rose to her feet.

"Monsieur n'est pas poli, " she said.

She walked out of the inn. I was slightly vexed.

"There wasn't any need to insult her that I can see, " I said. "After all, it was rather a compliment she was paying you. "

"That sort of thing makes me sick, " he said roughly.

I looked at him curiously. There was a real distaste in his face, and yet it was the face of a coarse and sensual man. I suppose the girl had been attracted by a certain brutality in it.

I could have got all the women I wanted in London. I didn't come here for that. "

我知道更合体的作法是拒绝他的邀请。我想也许我该把我真正感到的气愤显示一番，如果我回去以后能够向他们汇报，我如何一口拒绝了同这种品行的人共进晚餐的邀请，起码麦克安德鲁上校会对我表示好感的。但是我总是害怕这出戏自己演得不象，而且不能一直演到底，这就妨碍了我装出一副道貌岸然的样子。再说，我肯定知道，我的表演在思特里克兰德身上不会引起任何反响，这就更加使我难以把辞谢的话说出口了。只有诗人同圣徒才能坚信，在沥青路面上辛勤浇水会培植出百合花来。

我付了酒账，同他走到一家廉价的餐馆去。我们在这家顾客拥挤的热闹的餐馆里痛痛快快吃了一顿晚餐。我们俩胃口都很好，我是因为年轻，他是因为良心已经麻木。这以后我们到一家酒店去喝咖啡和甜酒。

关于这件使我来到巴黎的公事，该说的话我都已经说了，虽然我觉得就这样半半拉拉地把这件事放下手对思特里克兰德太太似乎有背叛之嫌，我却实在无法再同思特里克兰德的冷漠抗争了。只有女性才能以不息的热情把同一件事重复三遍。我自我安慰地想，尽力了解一下思特里克兰德的心境对我还是有用的。再说，我对这个也更感到兴趣。但这并不是一件容易事，因为思特里克兰德不是一个能说会道的人。他表白自己似乎非常困难，倒好象言语并不是他的心灵能运用自如的工具似的。你必须通过他的那些早被人们用得陈腐不堪的词句、那些粗陋的俚语、那些既模糊又不完全的手势才能猜测他的灵魂的意图。但是虽然他说不出什么有意义的话来，他的性格中却有一种东西使你觉得他这人一点也不乏味。或许这是由于他非常真挚。他对于第一次见到的巴黎（我没有算他同他妻子来度蜜月那一次）好象并不怎样好奇，对于那些对他说来肯定是非常新奇的景象并不感到惊异。我自己来巴黎少说有一百次了，可是哪次来都免不了兴奋得心头飘忽忽的，走在巴黎街头我总觉得随时都会经历到一场奇遇。思特里克兰德却始终声色不动。现在回想这件事，我认为他当时根本什么也看不到，他看到的只是搅动着他灵魂的一些幻景。

这时发生了一件有些荒唐的事。酒馆里有几个妓女；有的同男人坐在一起，有的独自坐在那里。我们没进去多久，我就注意到其中的一个总是瞟着我们。当她的眼睛同思特里克兰德的目光相遇以后，她向他作了个笑脸。我想思特里克兰德根本没有注意她。过了一会儿她从酒馆里走了出去，但是马上又走进来；在经过我们座位的时候，她很有礼貌地请我们给她买一点什么喝的。她坐下来，我同她闲聊起来，但是她的目标显然是思特里克兰德。我对她讲，他法文只懂几个字。她试着同他讲了几句，一半用手势，一半用外国人说的蹩脚法语，不知为什么，她认为这种话他更容易懂，另外，她倒也会说五六句英国话。有的话她只能用法国话说，她就叫我给她翻译，而且热切地向我打听他回话的意思。思特里克兰德脾气很好，甚至还觉得这件事有些好笑，但是显然根本没有把她看在眼里。

“我想你把一颗心征服了。”我笑着说。

“我并不感到得意。”

如果我换在他的地位上，我会感到很困窘，也不会象他这样心平气静。这个女人生着一双笑眼，一张很可爱的嘴。她很年轻。我奇怪她在思特里克兰德身上发现了什么吸引她的地方。她一点儿也不想隐瞒自己的要求，她叫我把她说的都翻译出来。

“她要你把她带回家去。”

“我用不着女人。”他回答。

我尽量把他的回答说得很婉转；我觉得拒绝这种邀请有些太不礼貌了。我向她解释，他是因为没有钱才拒绝的。

“但是我喜欢他，”她说，“告诉他是为了爱情。”

当我把她的话翻译出以后，思特里克兰德不耐烦地耸了耸肩膀。

“告诉她叫她快滚蛋。”他说。

他的神色清楚地表明了他的意思，女孩子一下子把头向后一扬。也许在她涂抹的脂粉下脸也红起来。她站起身来。

“这位先生太不懂得礼貌①。”她说。

①原文为法语。

她走出酒馆，我觉得有些生气。

“我看不出你有什么必要这样侮辱她，”我说，“不管怎么说，她这样做还是看得起你啊。”

“这种事叫我恶心，”他没好气地说。

我好奇地打量了他一会儿。他的脸上确实有一种厌恶的神情，然而这却是一张粗野的、显现着肉欲的脸。我猜想吸引了那个女孩子的正是他脸上的这种粗野。

“我在伦敦想要什么女人都可以弄到手，我不是为这个到巴黎来的。”

He looked at mewith an astonishment that was certainly not feigned. The smile abandoned hislips, and he spoke quite seriously.

"But, mydear fellow, I don't care. It doesn't matter a twopenny damn to me one way orthe other. "

I laughed.

"Oh, comenow; you mustn't think us such fools as all that. We happen to know that youcame away with a woman. "

He gave alittle start, and then suddenly burst into a shout of laughter. He laughed souproariously that people sitting near us looked round, and some of them beganto laugh too.

"I don'tsee anything very amusing in that. "

"Poor Amy," he grinned.

Then his facegrew bitterly scornful.

"What poorminds women have got! Love. It's always love. They think a man leaves onlybecause he wants others. Do you think I should be such a fool as to do whatI've done for a woman?"

"Do youmean to say you didn't leave your wife for another woman?"

"Of coursenot. "

"On yourword of honour?"

I don't knowwhy I asked for that. It was very ingenuous of me.

"On myword of honour. "

"Then,what in God's name have you left her for?"

"I want topaint. "

I looked at himfor quite a long time. I did not understand. I thought he was mad. It must beremembered that I was very young, and I looked upon him as a middle-aged man. Iforgot everything but my own amazement.

"Butyou're forty. "

"That'swhat made me think it was high time to begin. "

"Have youever painted?"

"I ratherwanted to be a painter when I was a boy, but my father made me go into businessbecause he said there was no money in art. I began to paint a bit a year ago.For the last year I've been going to some classes at night. "

"Was thatwhere you went when Mrs. Strickland thought you were playing bridge at yourclub?"

"That'sit. "

"Whydidn't you tell her?"

"Ipreferred to keep it to myself. "

"Can youpaint?"

"Not yet.But I shall. That's why I've come over here. I couldn't get what I wanted inLondon. Perhaps I can here. "

"Do youthink it's likely that a man will do any good when he starts at your age? Mostmen begin painting at eighteen. "

"I canlearn quicker than I could when I was eighteen. "

"Whatmakes you think you have any talent?"

He did notanswer for a minute. His gaze rested on the passing throng, but I do not thinkhe saw it. His answer was no answer.

"I've gotto paint. "

"Aren'tyou taking an awful chance?"

He looked atme. His eyes had something strange in them, so that I felt ratheruncomfortable.

"How oldare you? Twenty-three?"

It seemed to methat the question was beside the point. It was natural that I should takechances; but he was a man whose youth was past, a stockbroker with a positionof respectability, a wife and two children. A course that would have beennatural for me was absurd for him. I wished to be quite fair.

"Of coursea miracle may happen, and you may be a great painter, but you must confess thechances are a million to one against it. It'll be an awful sell if at the endyou have to acknowledge you've made a hash of it. "

"I've gotto paint, " he repeated.

"Supposingyou're never anything more than third-rate, do you think it will have beenworth while to give up everything? After all, in any other walk in life itdoesn't matter if you're not very good; you can get along quite comfortably ifyou're just adequate; but it's different with an artist. "

"Youblasted fool, " he said.

"I don'tsee why, unless it's folly to say the obvious. "

"I tellyou I've got to paint. I can't help myself. When a man falls into the water itdoesn't matter how he swims, well or badly: he's got to get out or else he'lldrown. "

There was realpassion in his voice, and in spite of myself I was impressed. I seemed to feelin him some vehement power that was struggling within him; it gave me thesensation of something very strong, overmastering, that held him, as it were,against his will. I could not understand. He seemed really to be possessed of adevil, and I felt that it might suddenly turn and rend him. Yet he lookedordinary enough. My eyes, resting on him curiously, caused him noembarrassment. 

 Iwondered what a stranger would have taken him to be, sitting there in his oldNorfolk jacket and his unbrushed bowler; his trousers were baggy, his handswere not clean; and his face, with the red stubble of the unshaved chin, thelittle eyes, and the large, aggressive nose, was uncouth and coarse. His mouthwas large, his lips were heavy and sensual. No; I could not have placed him.

"You won'tgo back to your wife?" I said at last.

"Never."

"She'swilling to forget everything that's happened and start afresh. She'll nevermake you a single reproach. "

"She cango to hell. "

"You don'tcare if people think you an utter blackguard? You don't care if she and yourchildren have to beg their bread?"

"Not adamn. "

I was silentfor a moment in order to give greater force to my next remark. I spoke asdeliberately as I could.

"You are amost unmitigated cad. "

"Now that you'vegot that off your chest, let's go and have dinner. "

他非常惊讶地紧紧盯着我，显然不是在装假。笑容从他嘴角上消失了，他一本正经地说：

“但是，亲爱的朋友，我才不管她怎么做呢。她同我离婚也好，不离婚也好，我都无所谓。”

我笑了起来。

“噢，算了吧！你别把我们当成那样的傻瓜了。我们凑巧知道你是同一个女人一起走的。”

他愣了一下，但是马上就哈哈大笑起来。他笑得声音那么响，连坐在我们旁边的人都好奇地转过头来，甚至还有几个人也跟着笑起来。

“我看不出这有什么可笑的。”

“可怜的阿美，”他笑容未消地说。

接着，他的面容一变而为鄙夷不屑的样子。

“女人的脑子太可怜了！爱情。她们就知道爱情。她们认为如果男人离开了她们就是因为又有了新宠。你是不是认为我是这么一个傻瓜，还要再做一遍我已经为一个女人做过了的那些事？”

“你是说你不是因为另外一个女人才离开你妻子？”

“当然不是。”

“你敢发誓？”

我不知道为什么我这样要求他。我问这句话完全没有动脑子。

“我发誓。”

“那么你到底是为什么离开她的？”

“我要画画儿。”

我半天半天目不转睛地盯着他。我一点儿也不理解。我想这个人准是疯了。读者应该记住，我那时还很年轻，我把他看做是一个中年人。我除了感到自己的惊诧外什么都不记得了。

“可是你已经四十了。”

“正是因为这个我才想，如果现在再不开始就太晚了。”

“你过去画过画儿吗？”

“我小的时候很想作个画家，可是我父亲叫我去作生意，因为他认为学艺术赚不了钱。一年以前我开始画了点儿画。去年我一直在夜校上课。”

“思特里克兰德太太以为你在俱乐部玩桥牌的时间你都是去上课吗？”

“对了。”

“你为什么不告诉她？”

“我觉得还是别让她知道好。”

“你能够画了吗？”

“还不成。但是我将来能够学会的。正是为了这个我才到巴黎来。在伦敦我得不到我要求的东西。也许在这里我会得到的。”

“你认为象你这样年纪的人开始学画还能够学得好吗？大多数人都是十八岁开始学。”

“如果我十八岁学，会比现在学得快一些。”

“你怎么会认为自己还有一些绘画的才能？”

他并没有马上回答我的问题。他的目光停在过往的人群上，但是我认为他什么也没有看见。最后他回答我的话根本算不上是回答。

“我必须画画儿。”

“你这样做是不是完全在碰运气？”

这时他把目光转到我身上。他的眼睛里有一种奇怪的神情，叫我觉得不太舒服。

“你多大年纪？二十三岁？”

我觉得他提这个问题与我们谈的事毫不相干。如果我想碰碰运气做一件什么事的话，这是极其自然的事；但是他的青年时代早已过去了，他是一个有身份有地位的证券经纪人，家里有一个老婆、两个孩子。对我说来是自然的道路在他那里就成为荒谬悻理的了。但是我还是想尽量对他公道一些。

“当然了，也许会发生奇迹，你也许会成为一个大画家。但你必须承认，这种可能性是微乎其微的。假如到头来你不得不承认把事情搞得一塌糊涂，你就后悔莫及了。”

“我必须画画儿，”他又重复了一句。

“假如你最多只能成为一个三流画家，你是不是还认为值得把一切都抛弃掉呢？不管怎么说，其他各行各业，假如你才不出众，并没有多大关系；只要还能过得去，你就能够舒舒服服地过日子；但是当一个艺术家完全是另一码事。”

“你他妈的真是个傻瓜。”他说。

“我不知道你为什么这么说，除非我这样把最明显的道理说出来是在干傻事。”

“我告诉你我必须画画儿。我由不了我自己。一个人要是跌进水里，他游泳游得好不好是无关紧要的，反正他得挣扎出去，不然就得淹死。”

他的语音里流露着一片热诚，我不由自主地被他感动了。我好象感觉到一种猛烈的力量正在他身体里面奋力挣扎；我觉得这种力量非常强大，压倒一切，仿佛违拗着他自己的意志，并把他紧紧抓在手中。我理解不了。他似乎真的让魔鬼附体了，我觉得他可能一下子被那东西撕得粉碎。但是从表面上看，他却平平常常。我的眼睛好奇地盯着他，他却一点也不感到难为情。

他坐在那里，穿着一件破旧的诺弗克上衣，戴着顶早就该拂拭的圆顶帽，我真不知道一个陌生人会把他当做什么人。他的裤腿象两只口袋，手并不很干净，下巴上全是红胡子茬，一对小眼睛，撅起的大鼻头，脸相又笨拙又粗野。他的嘴很大，厚厚的嘴唇给人以耽于色欲的感觉。不成，我无法判定他是怎样一类人。

“你不准备回到你妻子那里去了？”最后我开口说。

“永远不回去了。”

“她可是愿意把发生的这些事全都忘掉，一切从头开始。她一句话也不责备你。”

“让她见鬼去吧！”

“你不在乎别人把你当做个彻头彻尾的坏蛋吗？你不在乎你的妻子儿女去讨饭吗？”

“一点也不在乎。”

我沉默了一会儿，为了使我底下这句话有更大的力量。我故意把一个个的字吐得真真切切。

“你是个不折不扣的混蛋。”

“成了，你现在把压在心上的话已经说出来了，咱们可以去吃饭了。”

The Avenue deClichy was crowded at that hour, and a lively fancy might see in the passers-bythe personages of many a sordid romance. There were clerks and shopgirls; oldfellows who might have stepped out of the pages of Honore de Balzac; members,male and female, of the professions which make their profit of the frailties ofmankind. There is in the streets of the poorer quarters of Paris a throngingvitality which excites the blood and prepares the soul for the unexpected.

"Do youknow Paris well?" I asked.

"No. Wecame on our honeymoon. I haven't been since. "

"How onearth did you find out your hotel?"

"It wasrecommended to me. I wanted something cheap. "

The absinthecame, and with due solemnity we dropped water over the melting sugar.

"I thoughtI'd better tell you at once why I had come to see you, " I said, notwithout embarrassment.

His eyestwinkled. "I thought somebody would come along sooner or later. I've had alot of letters from Amy. "

"Then youknow pretty well what I've got to say. "

"I've notread them. "

I lit acigarette to give myself a moment's time. I did not quite know now how to setabout my mission. The eloquent phrases I had arranged, pathetic or indignant,seemed out of place on the Avenue de Clichy. Suddenly he gave a chuckle.

"Beastlyjob for you this, isn't it?"

"Oh, Idon't know, " I answered.

"Well,look here, you get it over, and then we'll have a jolly evening. "

I hesitated.

"Has itoccurred to you that your wife is frightfully unhappy?"

"She'llget over it. "

I cannot describethe extraordinary callousness with which he made this reply. It disconcertedme, but I did my best not to show it. I adopted the tone used by my UncleHenry, a clergyman, when he was asking one of his relatives for a subscriptionto the Additional Curates Society.

"You don'tmind my talking to you frankly?"

He shook hishead, smiling.

"Has shedeserved that you should treat her like this?"

"No."

"Have youany complaint to make against her?"

"None."

"Then,isn't it monstrous to leave her in this fashion, after seventeen years ofmarried life, without a fault to find with her?"

"Monstrous."

I glanced athim with surprise. His cordial agreement with all I said cut the ground fromunder my feet. It made my position complicated, not to say ludicrous. I wasprepared to be persuasive, touching, and hortatory, admonitory andexpostulating, if need be vituperative even, indignant and sarcastic; but whatthe devil does a mentor do when the sinner makes no bones about confessing hissin? I had no experience, since my own practice has always been to denyeverything.

"What,then?" asked Strickland.

I tried to curlmy lip.

"Well, ifyou acknowledge that, there doesn't seem much more to be said. "

"I don'tthink there is. "

I felt that I wasnot carrying out my embassy with any great skill. I was distinctly nettled.

"Hang itall, one can't leave a woman without a bob. "

"Whynot?"

"How isshe going to live?"

"I'vesupported her for seventeen years. Why shouldn't she support herself for a change?"

"Shecan't. "

"Let hertry. "

Of course therewere many things I might have answered to this. I might have spoken of theeconomic position of woman, of the contract, tacit and overt, which a manaccepts by his marriage, and of much else; but I felt that there was only onepoint which really signified.

"Don't youcare for her any more?"

"Not abit, " he replied.

The matter wasimmensely serious for all the parties concerned, but there was in the manner ofhis answer such a cheerful effrontery that I had to bite my lips in order notto laugh. I reminded myself that his behaviour was abominable. I worked myselfup into a state of moral indignation.

"Damn itall, there are your children to think of. They've never done you any harm. Theydidn't ask to be brought into the world. If you chuck everything like this,they'll be thrown on the streets.

"They'vehad a good many years of comfort. It's much more than the majority of childrenhave. Besides, somebody will look after them. When it comes to the point, theMacAndrews will pay for their schooling. "

"Butaren't you fond of them? They're such awfully nice kids. Do you mean to say youdon't want to have anything more to do with them?"

"I likedthem all right when they were kids, but now they're growing up I haven't gotany particular feeling for them. "

"It's justinhuman. "

"I daresay. "

"You don'tseem in the least ashamed. "

"I'm not."

I tried anothertack.

"Everyonewill think you a perfect swine. "

"Let them."

"Won't itmean anything to you to know that people loathe and despise you?"

"No."

His briefanswer was so scornful that it made my question, natural though it was, seemabsurd. I reflected for a minute or two.

"I wonderif one can live quite comfortably when one's conscious of the disapproval ofone's fellows? Are you sure it won't begin to worry you? Everyone has some sortof a conscience, and sooner or later it will find you out. Supposing your wifedied, wouldn't you be tortured by remorse?"

He did notanswer, and I waited for some time for him to speak. At last I had to break thesilence myself.

"What haveyou to say to that?"

"Only thatyou're a damned fool. "

"At allevents, you can be forced to support your wife and children, " I retorted,somewhat piqued. "I suppose the law has some protection to offer them."

"Can thelaw get blood out of a stone? I haven't any money. I've got about a hundred pounds."

I began to bemore puzzled than before. It was true that his hotel pointed to the moststraitened circumstances.

"What areyou going to do when you've spent that?"

"Earnsome. "

He wasperfectly cool, and his eyes kept that mocking smile which made all I said seemrather foolish. I paused for a little while to consider what I had better saynext. But it was he who spoke first.

"Whydoesn't Amy marry again? She's comparatively young, and she's not unattractive.I can recommend her as an excellent wife. If she wants to divorce me I don'tmind giving her the necessary grounds. "

Now it was myturn to smile. He was very cunning, but it was evidently this that he wasaiming at. He had some reason to conceal the fact that he had run away with awoman, and he was using every precaution to hide her whereabouts. I answeredwith decision.

"Your wifesays that nothing you can do will ever induce her to divorce you. She's quitemade up her mind. You can put any possibility of that definitely out of yourhead. "

这会儿正是克里舍林荫路最热闹的时刻，只需要发挥一点儿想象力，就能够在过往行人中发现不少庸俗罗曼司中的人物。小职员和女售货员，宛如从巴尔扎克的小说中走出来的老古董，靠着人性的弱点赚钱糊口的一些行当的男女成员。在巴黎的一些贫穷地区，街道上总是人群熙攘，充满无限生机，使你血流激动，随时准备为你演一出意想不到的好戏。

“你对巴黎熟悉不熟悉？”我问。

“不熟悉。我们度蜜月的时候来过。以后我从来没有再来。”

“那你怎么会找到这家旅馆的？”

“别人介绍的。我要找一家便宜的。”

苦艾酒端上来了，我们一本正经地把水浇在溶化的糖上。

“我想我还是坦白对你讲我为什么来找你吧，”我有一些困窘地说。

他的眼睛闪闪发亮。

“我早就想迟早会有个人来的。阿美已经给我写了一大堆信来了。”

“那么我要对你讲的，不用我说你也知道得很清楚了。”

“她那些信我都没有看。”

我点了一支烟，为了给自己一些思索的时间。我这时候真不知道该怎样办理我承担下的这件差事了。我准备好的一套绝妙词令，哀婉的也罢、愤激的也罢，在克里舍林荫道上以乎都不合拍了。突然，思特里克兰德咯咯地笑起来。

“交给你办的事很叫你头疼，对不对？”

“啊，我不知道，”我回答。

“听我说，你赶快把肚子里的事说出来，以后咱们可以痛快地玩一个晚上。”

我犹豫不定。

“你想到过没有，你的妻子痛苦极了？”

“事情会过去的。”

他说这句话的那种冷漠无情我简直无法描摹。我被他这种态度搞得心慌意乱，但是我尽量掩盖着自己。我采用了我的一位亨利叔叔说话的语调；亨利叔叔是个牧师，每逢他请求哪位亲戚给候补副牧师协会捐款的时候总是用这种语调。

“我说话不同你转弯抹角，你不介意吧？”

他笑着摇了摇头。

“你这样对待她说得过去吗？”

“说不过去。”

“你有什么不满意她的地方吗？”

“没有。”

“那么，你们结婚十七年，你又挑不出她任何毛病，你这样离开了她不是太岂有此理了吗？”

“是太岂有此理了。”

我感到非常惊奇，看了他一眼。不管我说什么，他都从心眼里赞同，这就把我的口预先箝住了。他使我的处境变得非常复杂，且不说滑稽可笑了。本来我预备说服他、打动他、规劝他、训诫他、同他讲道理，如果需要的话还要斥责他，要发一通脾气，要把他冷嘲热讽个够；但是如果罪人对自己犯的罪直认不讳，规劝的人还有什么事情好做呢？我对他这种人一点也没有经验，因为我自己如果做错了事总是矢口否认。

“你还要说什么？”思特里克兰德说。

我对他撇了撇嘴。

“没什么了，如果你都承认了，好象也没有什么要多说的了。”

“我想也是。”

我觉得我这次执行任务手腕太不高明。我显然有些冒火了。

“别的都不要说了，你总不能一个铜板也不留就把你女人甩了啊！”

“为什么不能？”

“她怎么活下去呢？”

“我已经养活她十七年了。为什么她不能换换样，自己养活自己呢？”

“她养活不了。”

“她不妨试一试。”

我当然有许多话可以答辩。我可以谈妇女的经济地位，谈男人结婚以后公开或默认地承担的义务，还有许许多多别的道理，但是我认为真正重要的只有一点。

“你还爱她不爱她了？”

“一点儿也不爱了，”他回答。

不论对哪方面讲，这都是一件极端严肃的事，可是他的答话却带着那么一种幸灾乐祸、厚颜无耻的劲儿；为了不笑出声来，我拼命咬住嘴唇。我一再提醒自己他的行为是可恶的。我终于激动起自己的义愤来。

“他妈的，你得想想自己的孩子啊。他们从来没有做过对不起你的事。他们不是自己要求到这个世界上来的。如果你这样把一家人都扔了，他们就只好流浪街头了。”

“他们已经过了不少年舒服日子了。大多数孩子都没有享过这么大的福。再说，总有人养活他们。必要的时候，麦克安德鲁夫妇可以供他们上学的。”

“可是，你难道不喜欢他们吗？你的两个孩子多么可爱啊！你的意思是，你不想再同他们有任何关系了吗？”

“孩子小的时候我确实喜欢他们，可是现在他们都长大了，我对他们没有什么特殊的感情了。”

“你简直太没有人性了。”

“我看就是这样的。”

“你一点儿也不觉得害臊。”

“我不害臊。”

我想再变换一个手法。

“谁都会认为你是个没有人性的坏蛋。”

“让他们这样想去吧。”

“所有的人都讨厌你、鄙视你，这对你一点儿都无所谓吗？”

“无所谓。”

他那短得不能再短的回答使得我提出的问题（尽管我的问题提得很有道理）显得非常荒谬。我想了一两分钟。

“我怀疑，如果一个人知道自己的亲戚朋友都责骂自己，他能不能心安理得地活下去。你准知道你就一点儿无动于衷吗？谁都不能没有一点儿良心，早晚你会受到良心谴责的。假如你的妻子死了，你难道一点儿也不悔恨吗？”

他并没有回答我的问题，我等了一会儿，看他是不是开口。最后我不得不自己打破沉寂。

“你有什么要说的？”

“我要说的只有一句：你是个大傻蛋。”

“不管怎么说，法律可以强迫你扶养你的妻子儿女，”我有些生气地驳斥说，“我想法律会提出对他们的保障的。”

“法律能够从石头里榨出油来吗？我没有钱，只有百十来镑。”

我比以前更糊涂了。当然，从他住的旅馆看，他的经济情况是非常窘迫的。

“把这笔钱花完了你怎么办？”

“再去挣一点儿。”

他冷静得要命，眼睛里始终闪露着讪笑，倒仿佛我在说一些愚不可及的蠢话似的。我停了一会儿，考虑下面该怎么说。但是这回他倒先开口了。

“为什么阿美不重新嫁人呢？她年纪并不老，也还有吸引人的地方。我还可以推荐一下：她是个贤妻。如果她想同我离婚，我完全可以给她制造她需要的借口。”

现在该轮到我发笑了。他很狡猾，但是他谁也瞒不过，这才是他的真正目的呢。由于某种原因，他必须把自己同另外一个女人私奔的事隐瞒着，他采取了一切预防措施把那个女人的行踪隐藏起来。我斩钉截铁地说：

“你的妻子说，不论你用什么手段她也不同你离婚。她已经打定主意了。我劝你还是死了这条心吧。”

During thejourney I thought over my errand with misgiving. Now that I was free from thespectacle of Mrs. Strickland's distress I could consider the matter morecalmly. I was puzzled by the contradictions that I saw in her behaviour. Shewas very unhappy, but to excite my sympathy she was able to make a show of herunhappiness. It was evident that she had been prepared to weep, for she hadprovided herself with a sufficiency of handkerchiefs; I admired herforethought, but in retrospect it made her tears perhaps less moving. I couldnot decide whether she desired the return of her husband because she loved him,or because she dreaded the tongue of scandal; and I was perturbed by thesuspicion that the anguish of love contemned was alloyed in her broken heartwith the pangs, sordid to my young mind, of wounded vanity. I had not yetlearnt how contradictory is human nature; I did not know how much pose there isin the sincere, how much baseness in the noble, nor how much goodness in the reprobate.

But there wassomething of an adventure in my trip, and my spirits rose as I approachedParis. I saw myself, too, from the dramatic standpoint, and I was pleased withmy role of the trusted friend bringing back the errant husband to his forgivingwife. I made up my mind to see Strickland the following evening, for I feltinstinctively that the hour must be chosen with delicacy. An appeal to theemotions is little likely to be effectual before luncheon. My own thoughts werethen constantly occupied with love, but I never could imagine connubial blisstill after tea.

My own hotelwas modest enough, but it was magnificent in comparison with this. It was atall, shabby building, that cannot have been painted for years, and it had sobedraggled an air that the houses on each side of it looked neat and clean. Thedirty windows were all shut. It was not here that Charles Strickland lived inguilty splendour with the unknown charmer for whose sake he had abandonedhonour and duty. I was vexed, for I felt that I had been made a fool of, and Inearly turned away without making an enquiry. I went in only to be able to tellMrs. Strickland that I had done my best.

The door was atthe side of a shop. It stood open, and just within was a sign: Bureau aupremier. I walked up narrow stairs, and on the landing found a sort of box,glassed in, within which were a desk and a couple of chairs. There was a benchoutside, on which it might be presumed the night porter passed uneasy nights.There was no one about, but under an electric bell was written Garcon. I rang,and presently a waiter appeared. He was a young man with furtive eyes and asullen look. He was in shirt-sleeves and carpet slippers.

I do not knowwhy I made my enquiry as casual as possible.

"Does Mr.Strickland live here by any chance?" I asked.

"Numberthirty-two. On the sixth floor. "

I was sosurprised that for a moment I did not answer.

"Is hein?"

The waiterlooked at a board in the bureau.

"He hasn'tleft his key. Go up and you'll see. "

I thought it aswell to put one more question.

"Madameest la?"

"Monsieurest seul. "

The waiterlooked at me suspiciously as I made my way upstairs. They were dark andairless. There was a foul and musty smell. Three flights up a Woman in adressing-gown, with touzled hair, opened a door and looked at me silently as Ipassed. At length I reached the sixth floor, and knocked at the door numberedthirty-two. There was a sound within, and the door was partly opened. CharlesStrickland stood before me. He uttered not a word. He evidently did not knowme.

I told him myname. I tried my best to assume an airy manner.

"You don'tremember me. I had the pleasure of dining with you last July. "

"Come in," he said cheerily. "I'm delighted to see you. Take a pew. "

I entered. Itwas a very small room, overcrowded with furniture of the style which the Frenchknow as Louis Philippe. There was a large wooden bedstead on which was abillowing red eiderdown, and there was a large wardrobe, a round table, a verysmall washstand, and two stuffed chairs covered with red rep. Everything wasdirty and shabby. There was no sign of the abandoned luxury that ColonelMacAndrew had so confidently described. Strickland threw on the floor theclothes that burdened one of the chairs, and I sat down on it.

"What canI do for you?" he asked.

In that smallroom he seemed even bigger than I remembered him. He wore an old Norfolkjacket, and he had not shaved for several days. When last I saw him he wasspruce enough, but he looked ill at ease: now, untidy and ill-kempt, he lookedperfectly at home. I did not know how he would take the remark I had prepared.

"I've cometo see you on behalf of your wife. "

"I wasjust going out to have a drink before dinner. You'd better come too. Do youlike absinthe?"

"I candrink it. "

"Come on,then. "

He put on abowler hat much in need of brushing.

"We mightdine together. You owe me a dinner, you know. "

"Certainly.Are you alone?"

I flatteredmyself that I had got in that important question very naturally.

"Oh yes.In point of fact I've not spoken to a soul for three days. My French isn'texactly brilliant. "

I wondered as Ipreceded him downstairs what had happened to the little lady in the tea-shop.Had they quarrelled already, or was his infatuation passed? It seemed hardlylikely if, as appeared, he had been taking steps for a year to make hisdesperate plunge. We walked to the Avenue de Clichy, and sat down at one of thetables on the pavement of a large cafe.

旅途中，我仔细考虑了一下这次去巴黎的差事，不觉又有些疑虑。现在我的眼睛已经看不到思特里克兰德太太一副痛楚不堪的样子，好象能够更冷静地考虑这件事了。我在思特里克兰德太太的举动里发现一些矛盾，感到疑惑不解。她非常不幸，但是为了激起我的同情心，她也很会把她的不幸表演给我看。她显然准备要大哭一场，因为她预备好大量的手帕；她这种深思远虑虽然使我佩服，可是如今回想起来，她的眼泪的感人力量却不免减低了。我看不透她要自己丈夫回来是因为爱他呢，还是因为怕别人议论是非；我还怀疑使她肠断心伤的失恋之痛是否也搀杂着虚荣心受到损害的悲伤（这对我年轻的心灵是一件龌龊的事）；这种疑心也使我很惶惑。我那时还不了解人性多么矛盾，我不知道真挚中含有多少做作，高尚中蕴藏着多少卑鄙，或者，即使在邪恶里也找得着美德。

但是我这次到巴黎去是带着一定冒险成分的，当我离目的地越来越近的时候，我的情绪也逐渐高起来。我也从做戏的角度看待自己，对我扮演的这个角色——一个受人衷心相托的朋友把误入歧途的丈夫带回给宽恕的妻子——非常欣赏。我决定第二天晚上再去找思特里克兰德，因为我本能地觉得，必须细致盘算，并选定这一时间。如果想从感情上说动一个人，在午饭以前是很少会成功的。在那些年代里，我自己就常常遐想一些爱情的事，但是只有吃过晚茶后我才能幻想美好婚姻的幸福。

我在自己落脚的旅馆打听了一个查理斯·思特里克兰德住的地方。他住的那家旅馆名叫比利时旅馆。我很奇怪，看门人竟没听说过这个地方。我从思特里克兰德太太那里听说，这家旅馆很大、很阔气，坐落在利渥里路后边。我们查了一下旅馆商号指南。叫这个名字的旅馆只有一家，在摩纳路。这不是有钱人居住的地区，甚至不是一个体面的地方。我摇了摇头。

“绝对不是这一家。”我说。

看门人耸了耸肩膀。巴黎再没有另一家叫这个名字的旅馆了。我想起来，思特里克兰德本来是不想叫别人知道他行踪的。他给他的合股人这个地址也许是在同他开玩笑。不知道为什么，我暗想这很合思特里克兰德的幽默感，把一个怒气冲冲的证券交易人骗到巴黎一条下流街道上的很不名誉的房子里去，出尽洋相。虽然如此，我觉得我还是得去看一看。第二天六点钟左右我叫了一辆马车，到了摩纳街。我在街角上把车打发掉，我想我还是步行到旅馆，先在外面看看再进去。这一条街两旁都是为穷人开设的小店铺，路走了一半，在我拐进来的左面，就是比利时旅馆。

我自己住的是一家普普通通的旅馆，可是同这家旅馆比起来简直宏伟极了。这是一座破烂的小楼，多年没有粉刷过，龌龌龊龊，相形之下，两边的房子倒显得又干净又整齐。肮脏的窗子全部关着。查理斯·思特里克兰德同那位勾引他丢弃了名誉和职责的美女显然不会在这样一个地方寻欢作乐，享受他们罪恶而豪华的生活。我非常恼火，觉得自己分明是被耍弄了。我差一点连问都不问就扭头而去。我走进去只是为了事后好向思特里克兰德太太交待，告诉她我已经尽了最大的努力。

旅馆的入口在一家店铺的旁边，门开着，一进门便有一块牌子：账房在二楼①。我沿着狭窄的楼梯走上去，在楼梯平台上看到一间用玻璃门窗隔起来的小阁子，里面摆着一张办公桌和两三把椅子。阁子外面有一条长凳，晚上守门人多半就在这里过夜。附近没有一个人影，但是我在一个电铃按钮下面看到有侍者②字样。我按了一下，马上从什么地方钻出一个人来。这人很年轻，贼眉鼠眼，满脸丧气，身上只穿一件衬衫，趿拉着一双毡子拖鞋。

①  ②原文为法语。

我自己不知道为什么我向他打听思特里克兰德时要装出一副漫不经心的样子。

“这里住没住着一位思特里克兰德先生？”我问。

“三十二号，六楼。”

我大吃一惊，一时没有答出话来。

“他在家吗？”

侍者看了看账房里的一块木板。

“他的钥匙不在这里。自己上去看看吧。”

我想不妨再问他一个问题。

“太太也在这里吗③？”

③原文为法语。

“只有先生一个人④。”

④原文为法语。

当我走上楼梯的时候，侍者一直怀疑地打量着我。楼梯又闷又暗，一股污浊的霉味扑鼻而来。三层楼梯上面有一扇门开了，我经过的时候，一个披着睡衣、头发蓬松的女人一声不吭地盯着我。最后，我走到六楼，在三十二号房门上敲了敲。屋里响动了一下，房门开了一条缝。查理斯·思特里克兰德出现在我面前。他一语不发地站在那里，显然没有认出我是谁来。

我通报了姓名。我尽量摆出一副大大咧咧的样子。

“你不记得我了。今年六月我荣幸地在你家吃过饭。”

“进来吧，”他兴致很高地说，“很高兴见到你。坐下。”

我走进去。这是一间很小的房间，几件法国人称之为路易·菲力浦式样的家具把屋子挤得转不过身来。有一张大木床，上面堆放着一床鼓鼓囊囊的大红鸭绒被，一张大衣柜，一张圆桌，一个很小的脸盆架，两把软座椅子，包着红色棱纹平布。没有一件东西不是肮脏、破烂的。麦克安德鲁上校煞有介事地描述的那种浪荡浮华这里连一点儿影子也看不到。思特里克兰德把乱堆在一把椅子上的衣服扔到地上，叫我坐下。

“你来找我有事吗？”他问。

在这间小屋子里他好象比我记忆中的更加高大。他穿着一件诺弗克式的旧上衣，胡须有很多天没有刮了。我上次见到他，他修饰得整齐干净，可是看去却不很自在；现在他邋里邋遢，神态却非常自然。我不知道他听了我准备好的一番话以后会有什么反应。

“我是受你妻子的嘱托来看你的。”

“我正预备在吃晚饭以前到外边去喝点什么。你最好同我一起去。你喜欢喝苦艾酒？”

“可以喝一点儿。”

“那咱们就走吧”

他戴上一顶圆顶礼帽；帽子也早就该刷洗了。

“我们可以一起吃饭。你还欠我一顿饭呢，你知道。”

“当然了。你就一个人吗？”

我很得意，这样重要的一个问题我竟极其自然地提了出来。

“啊，是的。说实在的，我已经有三天没有同人讲话了。我的法文很不高明。”

当我领先走下楼梯的时候，我想起茶点店的那位女郎来，我很想知道她出了什么事了。是他们已经吵架了呢，还是他迷恋的热劲儿已经过去了？从我见到的光景看，很难相信他策划了一年只是为了这样没头没脑地窜到巴黎来。我们步行到克里舍林荫路，在一家大咖啡馆摆在人行道上的许多台子中拣了一张坐下。

I think sheadded this to explain her attitude to me, but I thought it was due to a verynatural jealousy rather than to maternal solicitude.

"Are youin love with him still?"

"I don'tknow. I want him to come back. If he'll do that we'll let bygones be bygones.After all, we've been married for seventeen years. I'm a broadminded woman. Iwouldn't have minded what he did as long as I knew nothing about it. He mustknow that his infatuation won't last. If he'll come back now everything can besmoothed over, and no one will know anything about it. "

It chilled me alittle that Mrs. Strickland should be concerned with gossip, for I did not knowthen how great a part is played in women's life by the opinion of others. Itthrows a shadow of insincerity over their most deeply felt emotions.

It was knownwhere Strickland was staying. His partner, in a violent letter, sent to hisbank, had taunted him with hiding his whereabouts: and Strickland, in a cynicaland humourous reply, had told his partner exactly where to find him. He wasapparently living in an Hotel.

"I'venever heard of it, " said Mrs. Strickland. "But Fred knows it well.He says it's very expensive. "

She flusheddarkly. I imagined that she saw her husband installed in a luxurious suite ofrooms, dining at one smart restaurant after another, and she pictured his daysspent at race-meetings and his evenings at the play.

我想她最后加添的话是为了向我解释她为什么要采取这种态度，但是我却认为她这样做与其说出于母爱不如说由于极其自然的嫉妒心理。

“你还爱他吗？”

“我不知道。我要他回来。如果他回来了，我可以既往不咎。不管怎么说，我们已经是十七年的夫妻了。我不是一个心胸狭小的女人。过去我一直蒙在鼓里，只要我不知道，我也就不会介意这件事。他应该知道这种迷恋是长不了的。如果他现在就回来，事情会很容易弥补过去，谁也发现不了。”

思特里克兰德太太对流言蜚语这样介意，叫我心里有些发凉，因为当时我还不知道旁人的意见对于女人的生活竟有这么大的关系。我认为这种态度对她们深切的情感投掷上一层不真挚的暗影。

思特里克兰德住的地方家里人是知道的。他的合股人曾通过思特里克兰德存款的银行给他写过一封措词严厉的信，责骂他隐匿自己行踪；思特里克兰德在一封冷嘲热讽的回信里告诉这位合股人在什么地方可以找到他。看来他正住在一家旅馆里。

“我没听说过这个地方，”思特里克兰德太太说。“但是弗雷德对这家旅馆非常熟悉。他说这是很昂贵的一家。”

她的脸涨得通红。我猜想她似乎看到自己的丈夫正住在一套豪华的房间里，在一家又一家的讲究的饭店吃饭。她想象他正过着花天酒地的生活，天天去赛马厅，夜夜去剧场。

“象他这样的年龄，不能老过这种生活，”她说，“他到底是四十岁的人了。如果是一个年轻人，我是能够理解的。可是他这种年纪就太可怕了，他的孩子都快长大成人了。再说他的身体也受不住。”

愤怒同痛苦在她胸中搏斗着。

“告诉他，他的家在召唤他回来。家里什么都同过去一样，但是也都同过去不一样了。没有他我无法生活下去。我宁可杀死自己。同他谈谈往事，谈谈我们的共同经历。如果孩子们问起来，我该对他们说什么呢？他的屋子还同他走的时候一模一样。他的屋子在等着他呢。我们都在等着他呢。”

我到那里该谈什么，她句句都告诉我了。她甚至想到思特里克兰德可能说什么话。教给我怎样答对。

“你会尽一切力量替我把这件事办好吧？”她可怜巴巴地说，“把我现在的处境告诉他。”

我看出来，她希望我施展一切手段打动他的怜悯心。她的眼泪一个劲儿往下落。我心里难过极了。我对思特里克兰德的冷酷、残忍非常气愤，我答应她我要尽一切力量把他弄回来。我同意再过一天就启程，不把事情办出个眉目决不回来。这时天色已晚，我们两人也都由于感情激动而疲惫不堪，我就向她告辞了。

A day or twolater Mrs. Strickland sent me round a note asking if I could go and see herthat evening after dinner. I found her alone. Her black dress, simple toausterity, suggested her bereaved condition, and I was innocently astonishedthat notwithstanding a real emotion she was able to dress the part she had toplay according to her notions of seemliness.

"You saidthat if I wanted you to do anything you wouldn't mind doing it, " sheremarked.

"It wasquite true. "

"Will yougo over to Paris and see Charlie?"

"I?"

I was takenaback. I reflected that I had only seen him once. I did not know what shewanted me to do.

"Fred isset on going. " Fred was Colonel MacAndrew. "But I'm sure he's notthe man to go. He'll only make things worse. I don't know who else to ask."

Her voicetrembled a little, and I felt a brute even to hesitate.

"But I'venot spoken ten words to your husband. He doesn't know me. He'll probably justtell me to go to the devil. "

"Thatwouldn't hurt you, " said Mrs. Strickland, smiling.

"What isit exactly you want me to do?"

She did notanswer directly.

"It wasall so unexpected, " she said. "We'd been married seventeen years. Isever dreamed that Charlie was the sort of man to get infatuated with anyone.We always got on very well together. Of course, I had a great many intereststhat he didn't share. "

"Have youfound out who" -- I did not quite know how to express myself -- "whothe person, who it is he's gone away with?"

"No. Noone seems to have an idea. It's so strange. Generally when a man falls in lovewith someone people see them about together, lunching or something, and herfriends always come and tell the wife. I had no warning -- nothing. His lettercame like a thunderbolt. I thought he was perfectly happy. "

She began tocry, poor thing, and I felt very sorry for her. But in a little while she grewcalmer.

"It's nogood making a fool of myself, " she said, drying her eyes. "The onlything is to decide what is the best thing to do. "

She went on,talking somewhat at random, now of the recent past, then of their first meetingand their marriage; but presently I began to form a fairly coherent picture oftheir lives; and it seemed to me that my surmises had not been incorrect. Mrs.Strickland was the daughter of an Indian civilian, who on his retirement hadsettled in the depths of the country, but it was his habit every August to takehis family to Eastbourne for change of air; and it was here, when she wastwenty, that she met Charles Strickland. He was twenty-three. They playedtogether, walked on the front together, listened together to the niggerminstrels; and she had made up her mind to accept him a week before he proposedto her. They lived in London, first in Hampstead, and then, as he grew moreprosperous, in town. Two children were born to them.

"He alwaysseemed very fond of them. Even if he was tired of me, I wonder that he had theheart to leave them. It's all so incredible. Even now I can hardly believe it'strue. "

At last sheshowed me the letter he had written. I was curious to see it, but had not venturedto ask for it.

"MY DEARAMY,

"I thinkyou will find everything all right in the flat. I have given Anne yourinstructions, and dinner will be ready for you and the children when you come.I shall not be there to meet you. I have made up my mind to live apart fromyou, and I am going to Paris in the morning. I shall post this letter on myarrival. I shall not come back. My decision is irrevocable.

"Yoursalways,

"CHARLESSTRICKLAND. "

"Not aword of explanation or regret. Don't you think it's inhuman?"

"It's avery strange letter under the circumstances, " I replied.

"There'sonly one explanation, and that is that he's not himself. I don't know who thiswoman is who's got hold of him, but she's made him into another man. It'sevidently been going on a long time. "

"Whatmakes you think that?"

"Fredfound that out. My husband said he went to the club three or four nights a weekto play bridge. Fred knows one of the members, and said something about Charlesbeing a great bridge-player. The man was surprised. He said he'd never evenseen Charles in the card-room. It's quite clear now that when I thought Charleswas at his club he was with her. "

I was silentfor a moment. Then I thought of the children.

"It musthave been difficult to explain to Robert, " I said.

"Oh, Inever said a word to either of them. You see, we only came up to town the daybefore they had to go back to school. I had the presence of mind to say thattheir father had been called away on business. "

It could nothave been very easy to be bright and careless with that sudden secret in herheart, nor to give her attention to all the things that needed doing to get herchildren comfortably packed off. Mrs. Strickland's voice broke again.

"And whatis to happen to them, poor darlings? How are we going to live?"

She struggledfor self-control, and I saw her hands clench and unclench spasmodically. It wasdreadfully painful.

"Of courseI'll go over to Paris if you think I can do any good, but you must tell meexactly what you want me to do. "

"I wanthim to come back. "

"Iunderstood from Colonel MacAndrew that you'd made up your mind to divorce him."

"I'llnever divorce him, " she answered with a sudden violence. "Tell himthat from me. He'll never be able to marry that woman. I'm as obstinate as heis, and I'll never divorce him. I have to think of my children. "

没过一两天，思特里克兰德太太给我寄来一封短信，叫我当天晚上到她家去一趟。我发现只有她一个人在家。她穿着一身黑衣服，朴素得近乎严肃，使人想到她遭遇的不幸。尽管她悲痛的感情是真实的，却没忘记使自己的衣着合乎她脑子里的礼规叫她扮演的角色。我当时不谙世故，感到非常吃惊。

“你说过，要是我有事求你，你乐于帮忙，”她开口说。

“一点儿不错。”

“那么你愿意不愿意到巴黎去看看思特里克兰德是怎么个情况？”

“我？”

我吓了一跳。我想到自己只见过思特里克兰德一面。我不知道她想叫我去办什么事。

“弗雷德决心要去。”弗雷德就是麦克安德鲁上校。“但是我知道他肯定不是办这种事的人。他只会把事弄得更糟。我不知道该求谁去。”

她的声音有些颤抖，我觉得哪怕我稍微犹豫一下，也显得大没有心肝了。

“可是我同你丈夫说过不到十句话。他不认识我。没准儿他一句话就把我打发走了。”

“这对你也没有损害，”思特里克兰德太太笑着说。

“你究竟想叫我去做什么事？”

她并没有直接回答我的问话。

“我认为他不认识你反而有利。你知道，他从来也不喜欢弗雷德。他认为弗雷德是个傻瓜。他不了解军人。弗雷德会大发雷霆。两个人大吵一顿，事情不但办不好，反而会更糟。如果你对他说你是代表我去的，他不会拒绝你同他谈谈的。”

“我同你们认识的时间不长，”我回答说。“除非了解全部详细情况，这种事是很难处理的。我不愿意打探同我自己没有关系的事。为什么你不自己去看看他呢？”

“你忘记了，他在那里不是一个人。”

我没有说什么。我想到我去拜访查理斯·思特里克兰德，递上我的名片，我想到他走进屋子里来，用两个指头捏着我的名片。

“您有什么贵干？”

“我来同您谈谈您太太的事。”

“是吗？当您年纪再长几岁的时候，肯定就会懂得不该管别人的闲事了。如果您把头稍微向左转一转，您会看到那里有一扇门。再见。”

可以预见，走出来的时候我很难保持尊严体面。我真希望晚回伦敦几天，等到思特里克兰德太太料理好这件事以后再回来。我偷偷地看了她一眼。她正陷入沉思里。但是她马上就把头抬起来看着我，叹了一口气，笑了一下。

“这么突如其来，”她说，“我们结婚十六年了，我做梦也没想到查理斯是这样一个人，会迷上了什么人。我们相处得一直很好。当然了，我有许多兴趣爱好与他不同。”

“你发现没发现是什么人，”——我不知道该怎样措词——“那人是谁，同他一起走的？”

“没有。好象谁都不知道。太奇怪了。在一般情况下，男人如果同什么人有了爱情的事，总会被人看到，出去吃饭啊什么的。做妻子的总有几个朋友来把这些事告诉她。我却没有接到警告——没有任何警告。他的信对我好象是晴天霹雳。我还以为他一直生活得很幸福呢。”

她开始哭起来，可怜的女人，我很替她难过。但是没有过一会儿她又逐渐平静下来。

“不该让人家拿我当笑话看，”她擦了擦眼睛说，“唯一要做的事是从速决定到底该怎么办。”

她继续说下去，有些语无伦次；一会儿说刚过去不久的事，一会儿又说起他们初次相遇和结婚的事。但是这样一来他俩的生活在我的脑子里倒逐渐形成了一幅相当清晰的图画。我觉得我过去的臆测还是正确的，思特里克兰德太太的父亲在印度当过文职官吏，退休以后定居到英国偏远的乡间，但每年八月他总要带着一家老小到伊思特堡恩去换一换环境。她就是在那里认识了查理斯·思特里克兰德的。那一年她二十岁，思特里克兰德二十三岁。他们一起打网球，在滨海大路上散步，听黑人流浪歌手唱歌。在他正式提出以前一个星期她已经决心接受他的求婚了。他们在伦敦定居下来，开始时住在汉普斯台德区，后来他们的生活逐渐富裕起来，便搬到市区里来。他们有两个孩子。

“他好象一直很喜欢这两个孩子。即使他对我厌倦了，我不理解他怎么会忍心把孩子也抛弃了。这一切简直令人不能置信。到了今天我也不能相信这会是真事。”

最后她把他写来的信拿出来给我看。我本来就有些好奇，可是一直没敢大胆提出来。

亲爱的阿美：

我想你会发现家中一切都已安排好。你嘱咐安妮的事我都已转告她。你同孩子到家以后晚饭会给你们准备好。我将不能迎接你们了。我已决心同你分居另过，明晨我就去巴黎。这封信我等到巴黎后再发出。我不回来了。我的决定不能更改了。

永远是你的，查理斯·思特里克兰德

“没有一句解释的话，也丝毫没有表示歉仄不安。你是不是觉得这人太没有人性了？”

“在这种情况下这封信是很奇怪，”我回答。

“只有一个解释，那就是他人已经变了。我不知道是哪个女人把他抓在手掌里，但是她肯定把他变成另外一个人了。事情非常清楚，这件事已经进行了很长一段时间了。”

“你这么想有什么根据？”

“弗雷德已经发现了。我丈夫总是说每星期他要去俱乐部打三四个晚上桥牌。弗雷德认识那个俱乐部的一个会员，有一次同他说起查理斯喜欢打桥牌的事。这个人非常惊讶，他说他从来没有在玩牌的屋子看见过查理斯。这就非常清楚了，我以为查理斯在俱乐部的时间，实际上他是在同那个女人厮混。”

我半晌儿没有言语。后来我又想起了孩子们。

“这件事一定很难向罗伯特解释，”我说。

“啊，他们俩我谁也没告诉，一个字也没有说。你知道，我们回城的第二天他们就回学校了。我没有张皇失措，我对他们说父亲有事到外地去了。”

心里怀着这样大的一个秘密，要使自己举止得体、装作一副坦然无事的样子，实在很不容易。再说，为了打发孩子上学，还必须花费精力把样样东西打点齐全，也使她煞费苦心。思特里克兰德太太的声音哽住了。

“他们以后可怎么办啊，可怜的宝贝？我这一家人以后怎么活下去啊？”

她拼命克制着自己的感情，我注意到她的两手一会儿握紧，一会儿又松开。那种痛苦简直太可怕了。

“如果你认为我到巴黎去有好处，我当然会去的，但是你一定要同我说清楚，你要叫我去做什么。”

“我要叫他回来。”

“我听麦克安德鲁上校的意思，你已经决心同他离婚了。”

“我永远也不会同他离婚。”她突然气狠狠地说，“把我的话告诉他，他永远也别想同那个女人结婚。我同他一样，是个拗性子，我永远也不同他离婚。我要为我的孩子着想。”

"This is aterrible thing, " he said, the moment we got out into the street.

I realised thathe had come away with me in order to discuss once more what he had been alreadydiscussing for hours with his sister-in-law.

"We don'tknow who the woman is, you know, " he said. "All we know is that theblackguard's gone to Paris. "

"I thoughtthey got on so well. "

"So theydid. Why, just before you came in Amy said they'd never had a quarrel in thewhole of their married life. You know Amy. There never was a better woman inthe world. "

Since theseconfidences were thrust on me, I saw no harm in asking a few questions.

"But doyou mean to say she suspected nothing?"

"Nothing.He spent August with her and the children in Norfolk. He was just the same ashe'd always been. We went down for two or three days, my wife and I, and Iplayed golf with him. He came back to town in September to let his partner goaway, and Amy stayed on in the country. They'd taken a house for six weeks, andat the end of her tenancy she wrote to tell him on which day she was arrivingin London. He answered from Paris. He said he'd made up his mind not to livewith her any more. "

"Whatexplanation did he give?"

"My dearfellow, he gave no explanation. I've seen the letter. It wasn't more than tenlines. "

"Butthat's extraordinary. "

We happenedthen to cross the street, and the traffic prevented us from speaking. WhatColonel MacAndrew had told me seemed very improbable, and I suspected that Mrs.Strickland, for reasons of her own, had concealed from him some part of thefacts. It was clear that a man after seventeen years of wedlock did not leavehis wife without certain occurrences which must have led her to suspect thatall was not well with their married life. The Colonel caught me up.

"Ofcourse, there was no explanation he could give except that he'd gone off with awoman. I suppose he thought she could find that out for herself. That's thesort of chap he was. "

"What isMrs. Strickland going to do?"

"Well, thefirst thing is to get our proofs. I'm going over to Paris myself. "

"And whatabout his business?"

"That'swhere he's been so artful. He's been drawing in his horns for the last year."

"Did hetell his partner he was leaving?"

"Not aword. "

Colonel MacAndrew had a very sketchy knowledge of business matters, and I had none atall, so I did not quite understand under what conditions Strickland had lefthis affairs. I gathered that the deserted partner was very angry and threatenedproceedings. It appeared that when everything was settled he would be four orfive hundred pounds out of pocket.

"It'slucky the furniture in the flat is in Amy's name. She'll have that at allevents. "

"Did youmean it when you said she wouldn't have a job?"

"Of courseI did. She's got two or three hundred pounds and the furniture. "

"But howis she going to live?"

"Godknows. "

The affairseemed to grow more complicated, and the Colonel, with his expletives and hisindignation, confused rather than informed me. I was glad that, catching sightof the clock at the Army and Navy Stores, he remembered an engagement to playcards at his club, and so left me to cut across St. James Park.

“真太可怕了，”我们刚刚走到大街上，他马上开口说。

我看出来，他同我一起出来目的就是想同我继续谈论这件他已经同他的小姨子谈了好几小时的事。

“我们根本弄不清是哪个女人，你知道，”他说，“我们只知道那个流氓跑到巴黎去了。”

“我一直以为他们俩感情挺不错。”

“是不错。哼，你来以前，阿美还说他们结婚这么多年就没有吵过一次嘴。你知道阿美是怎样一个人。世界上没有比她更好的女人了。”

既然他主动把这家人的秘密都告诉我，我觉得我不妨继续提出几个问题来。

“你的意思是说她什么也没有猜到？”

“什么也没猜到。八月他是同她和孩子们一起在诺佛克度过的。他同平常日子一模一样，一点也没有反常的地方。我和我妻子到他们乡下过了两三天，我还同他玩过高尔夫球。九月，他回到城里来，为了让他的合股人去度假。阿美仍然待在乡下。他们在乡下房子租了六个星期，房子快满期以前她给他写了封信，告诉他自己哪一天回伦敦来。他的回信是从巴黎发的，说他已经打定主意不同她一起生活了。”

“他怎样解释呢？”

“他根本没有解释，小朋友。那封信我看了。还不到十行字。”

“真是奇怪了。”

说到这里我们正好过马路，过往车辆把我们的谈话打断了。麦克安德鲁告诉我的事听起来很难令人相信，我怀疑思特里克兰德太太根据她自己的理由把一部分事实隐瞒着没对他说。非常清楚，一个人结婚十七年不会平白无故地离家出走的，这里面一定有一些事会使她猜想两人的夫妻生活并不美满。我正在思忖这件事，上校又从后面赶上来。

“当然了，除了坦白承认自己是同另外一个女人私奔之外，他是无法解释这件事的。据我看，他认为早晚她会自己弄清楚的。他就是这样一个人。”

“思特里克兰德太太打算怎么办？”

“哈，第一件事是抓到证据。我准备自己到巴黎去一趟。”

“他的买卖怎么办？”

“这正是他狡诈的地方。一年来他一直把摊子越缩越小。”

“他告诉没告诉他的合股人他不想干了？”

“一句也没透露。”

麦克安德鲁上校对证券交易的事不太内行，我更是一窍不通，因此我不太清楚思特里克兰德是在什么情况下退出了他经营的交易。我得到的印象是，被他中途甩开的合股人气得要命，威胁说要提出诉讼。看来一切都安排妥善后，这个人的腰包要损失四五百镑钱。

“幸而住房的全套家具都是写在阿美名下的。不管怎么说这些东西她还都能落下。”

“刚才你说她一个便士也没有是真实情况吗？”

“当然是真的。她手头就只有两三百镑钱和那些家具。”

“那她怎样生活呢？”

“天晓得。”

事情变得更加复杂了，再加上上校火冒三丈，骂骂咧咧，不但不能把事情讲清楚，反而叫我越听越糊涂。我很高兴，在他看到陆海军商店上面的大钟的时候，突然记起他要到俱乐部玩牌的约会来。他同我分了手，穿过圣杰姆斯公园往另一个方向走去了。

This was the firstsuggestion that anything untoward had happened. I took no notice, and did mybest to engage Mrs. Strickland in talk. The Colonel, still standing in front ofthe fireplace, uttered no word. I wondered how soon I could decently take myleave, and I asked myself why on earth Mrs. Strickland had allowed me to come.There were no flowers, and various knick-knacks, put away during the summer,had not been replaced; there was something cheerless and stiff about the roomwhich had always seemed so friendly; it gave you an odd feeling, as thoughsomeone were lying dead on the other side of the wall. I finished tea.

"Will you have acigarette?" asked Mrs. Strickland.

She looked about for thebox, but it was not to be seen.

"I'm afraid there arenone. "

Suddenly she burst intotears, and hurried from the room.

I was startled. I supposenow that the lack of cigarettes, brought as a rule by her husband, forced himback upon her recollection, and the new feeling that the small comforts she wasused to were missing gave her a sudden pang. She realised that the old life wasgone and done with. It was impossible to keep up our social pretences anylonger.

I could not help thinkingthat Colonel MacAndrew might have some difficulty in doing this, since Stricklandhad struck me as a hefty fellow, but I did not say anything. It is alwaysdistressing when outraged morality does not possess the strength of arm toadminister direct chastisement on the sinner. I was making up my mind toanother attempt at going when Mrs. Strickland came back. She had dried her eyesand powdered her nose.

"I'm sorry I brokedown, " she said. "I'm glad you didn't go away. "

She sat down. I did not atall know what to say. I felt a certain shyness at referring to matters whichwere no concern of mine. I did not then know the besetting sin of woman, thepassion to discuss her private affairs with anyone who is willing to listen.Mrs. Strickland seemed to make an effort over herself.

"Are people talkingabout it?" she asked.

I was taken aback by herassumption that I knew all about her domestic misfortune.

"I've only just comeback. The only person I've seen is Rose Waterford. "

Mrs. Strickland clasped herhands.

"Tell me exactly whatshe said. " And when I hesitated, she insisted. "I particularly wantto know. "

"You know the waypeople talk. She's not very reliable, is she? She said your husband had leftyou. "

"Is that all?"

I did not choose to repeatRose Waterford's parting reference to a girl from a tea-shop. I lied.

"She didn't sayanything about his going with anyone?"

"No. "

"That's all I wanted toknow. "

I was a little puzzled, butat all events I understood that I might now take my leave. When I shook handswith Mrs. Strickland I told her that if I could be of any use to her I shouldbe very glad. She smiled wanly.

"Thank you so much. Idon't know that anybody can do anything for me. "

Too shy to express mysympathy, I turned to say good-bye to the Colonel. He did not take my hand.

"I'm just coming. Ifyou're walking up Victoria Street, I'll come along with you. "

"All right, " Isaid. "Come on. "

这是暗示发生了一件不幸事件的第一句话。我故意不作理会，尽量同思特里克兰德太太东拉西扯。上校仍然站在壁炉前面一句话也不说。我很想知道什么时候我才能不失礼仪地向主人告别，我奇怪地问我自己，思特里克兰德太太让我进来究竟是为了什么。屋子里没有摆花，度夏以前收拾起的一些摆设也没有重新摆上。一向舒适愉快的房间显得一片寂寥清冷，给人一种感觉，倒仿佛墙壁的另一边停着一个死人似的。我把茶喝完。

“要不要吸一支烟？”思特里克兰德太太问我道。

她四处看了看，要找烟盒，但是却没有找到。

“我怕已经没有了。”

一下子，她的眼泪扑簌簌地落下来，匆匆跑出了客厅。

我吃了一惊。我想到纸烟过去一向是由她丈夫添置的，现在突然发现找不到纸烟，这件小事显然勾起了她的记忆，她伸手就能拿到的东西竟然丢三短四的这种新感觉仿佛在她胸口上突然刺了一刀，她意识到旧日的生活已经一去不复返了，过去那种光荣体面不可能再维持下去了。

“我看我该走了吧，”我对上校说，站起身来。

“我想你已经听说那个流氓把她甩了的事吧，”他一下子爆发出来。

我踌躇了一会儿。

“你知道人们怎样爱扯闲话，”我说，“有人闪烁其词地对我说，这里出了点儿事。”

“他逃跑了。他同一个女人跑到巴黎去了。他把阿美扔了，一个便士也没留下。”

“我感到很难过，”我说；我实在找不到别的什么话了。

上校一口气把威士忌灌下去。他是一个五十岁左右的高大、削瘦的汉子，胡须向下垂着，头发已经灰白。他的眼睛是浅蓝色的，嘴唇的轮廓很不鲜明。我从上一次见到他就记得他长着一副傻里傻气的面孔，并且自夸他离开军队以前每星期打三次马球，十年没有间断过。

“我想现在我不必再打搅思特里克兰德太太了，”我说，“好不好请你告诉她，我非常为她难过？如果有什么我能做的事，我很愿意为她效劳。”

他没有理会我的话。

“我不知道她以后怎么办。而且还有孩子。难道让他们靠空气过活？十六年啊！”

“什么十六年？”

“他们结婚十六年了，”他没好气儿地说。“我从来就不喜欢他。当然了，他是我的连襟，我尽量容忍着。你以为他是个绅士吗？她根本就不应该嫁给他。”

“就没有挽回的余地了吗？”

“她只有一件事好做：同他离婚。这就是你刚进来的时候我对她说的。‘把离婚申请书递上去，亲爱的阿美，’我说，‘为了你自己，为了你的孩子，你都该这么做。’他最好还是别叫我遇见。我不把他打得灵魂出窍才怪。”

我禁不住想，麦克安德鲁上校做这件事并不很容易，因为思特里克兰德身强力壮，给我留下的印象很深，但是我并没有说什么。如果一个人受到侮辱损害而又没有力量对罪人直接施行惩罚，这实在是一件痛苦不堪的事。我正准备再作一次努力向他告辞，这时思特里克兰德太太又回到屋子里来了。她已经把眼泪揩干，在鼻子上扑了点儿粉。

“真是对不起，我的感情太脆弱了，”她说，“我很高兴你没有走。”

她坐了下来。我一点儿也不知道该说什么。我不太好意思谈论同自己毫不相干的事。那时候我还不懂女人的一种无法摆脱的恶习——热衷于同任何一个愿意倾听的人讨论自己的私事。思特里克兰德太太似乎在努力克制着自己。

“人们是不是都在议论这件事啊？”她问。我非常吃惊，她竟认为我知道她家的这件不幸是想当然的事。

“我刚刚回来。我就见到了柔斯·瓦特尔芙德一个人。”

思特里克兰德太太拍了一下巴掌。

“她是怎么说的，把她的原话一个字不差地告诉我。”我有点儿踌躇，她却坚持叫我讲。“我特别想知道她怎么谈论这件事。”

“你知道别人怎么谈论。她这个人说话靠不住，对不对？她说你的丈夫把你丢开了。”

“就说了这些吗？”

我不想告诉她柔斯·瓦特尔芙德分手时讲到茶点店女侍的那句话。我对她扯了个谎。

“她说没说他是跟一个什么人一块走的？”

“没有。”

“我想知道的就是这件事。”

我有一些困惑莫解，但是不管怎么说我知道现在我可以告辞了。当我同思特里克兰德太太握手告别的时候我对她说，如果有什么事需要我做，我一定为她尽力。她的脸上掠过一丝笑影。

“非常感谢你。我不知道有谁能替我做什么。”

我不好意思向她表示我的同情，便转过身去同上校告别。上校并没有同我握手。

“我也要走。如果你从维多利亚路走，我跟你同路。”

“好吧，”我说，“咱们一起走。”

On readingover what I have written of the Stricklands, I am conscious that they must seemshadowy. I have been able to invest them with none of those characteristicswhich make the persons of a book exist with a real life of their own; and,wondering if the fault is mine, I rack my brains to remember idiosyncrasieswhich might lend them vividness. I feel that by dwelling on some trick ofspeech or some queer habit I should be able to give them a significancepeculiar to themselves. As they stand they are like the figures in an oldtapestry; they do not separate themselves from the background, and at adistance seem to lose their pattern, so that you have little but a pleasingpiece of colour. My only excuse is that the impression they made on me was noother. There was just that shadowiness about them which you may find in peoplewhose lives are part of the social organism, so that they exist in it and by itonly. They are like cells in the body, essential, but, so long as they remainhealthy, engulfed in the momentous whole. The Stricklands were an average familyin the middle class. A pleasant, hospitable woman, with a harmless craze forthe small lions of literary society; a rather dull man, doing his duty in thatstate of life in which a merciful Providence had placed him; two nice-looking,healthy children. Nothing could be more ordinary. I do not know that there wasanything about them to excite the attention of the curious.

Miss Waterford certainlyfelt that she could not do her subject justice on the curb of Jermyn Street,and so, like an artist, flung the bare fact at me and declared that she knew nodetails. I could not do her the injustice of supposing that so trifling acircumstance would have prevented her from giving them, but she was obstinate.

"I tell you I knownothing, " she said, in reply to my agitated questions, and then, with anairy shrug of the shoulders: "I believe that a young person in a citytea-shop has left her situation. "

She flashed a smile at me,and, protesting an engagement with her dentist, jauntily walked on. I was moreinterested than distressed. In those days my experience of life at first handwas small, and it excited me to come upon an incident among people I knew ofthe same sort as /ai/ had read in books. I confess that time has now accustomed meto incidents of this character among my acquaintance. But I was a littleshocked. Strickland was certainly forty, and I thought it disgusting that a manof his age should concern himself with affairs of the heart. With thesuperciliousness of extreme youth, I put thirty-five as the utmost limit atwhich a man might fall in love without making a fool of himself.

And this news was slightlydisconcerting to me personally, because I had written from the country to Mrs.Strickland, announcing my return, and had added that unless I heard from her tothe contrary, I would come on a certain day to drink a dish of tea with her.This was the very day, and I had received no word from Mrs. Strickland. Did shewant to see me or did she not? It was likely enough that in the agitation ofthe moment my note had escaped her memory. Perhaps I should be wiser not to go.On the other hand, she might wish to keep the affair quiet, and it might behighly indiscreet on my part to give any sign that this strange news hadreached me. I was torn between the fear of hurting a nice woman's feelings andthe fear of being in the way. I felt she must be suffering, and I did not wantto see a pain which I could not help; but in my heart was a desire, that I felta little ashamed of, to see how she was taking it. I did not know what to do.

Finally it occurred to methat I would call as though nothing had happened, and send a message in by themaid asking Mrs. Strickland if it was convenient for her to see me. This wouldgive her the opportunity to send me away. But I was overwhelmed withembarrassment when I said to the maid the phrase I had prepared, and while Iwaited for the answer in a dark passage I had to call up all my strength ofmind not to bolt. The maid came back. Her manner suggested to my excited fancya complete knowledge of the domestic calamity.

"Will you come thisway, sir?" she said.

I followed her into thedrawing-room. The blinds were partly drawn to darken the room, and Mrs.Strickland was sitting with her back to the light. Her brother-in-law, ColonelMacAndrew, stood in front of the fireplace, warming his back at an unlit fire.To myself my entrance seemed excessively awkward. I imagined that my arrivalhad taken them by surprise, and Mrs. Strickland had let me come in only becauseshe had forgotten to put me off. I fancied that the Colonel resented theinterruption.

"I wasn't quite sure ifyou expected me, " I said, trying to seem unconcerned.

"Of course I did. Annewill bring the tea in a minute. "

Even in the darkened room, Icould not help seeing that Mrs. Strickland's face was all swollen with tears.Her skin, never very good, was earthy.

"You remember mybrother-in-law, don't you? You met at dinner, just before the holidays. "

We shook hands. I felt soshy that I could think of nothing to say, but Mrs. Strickland came to myrescue. She asked me what I had been doing with myself during the summer, andwith this help I managed to make some conversation till tea was brought in. TheColonel asked for a whisky-and-soda.

"You'd better have onetoo, Amy, " he said.

"No; I prefer tea."

回过头来读了读我写的思特里克兰德夫妇的故事，我感到这两个人被我写得太没有血肉了。要使书中人物真实动人，需要把他们的性格特征写出来，而我却没有赋予他们任何特色。我想知道这是不是我的过错，我苦思苦想，希望回忆起一些能使他们性格鲜明的特征。我觉得如果我能够详细写出他们说话的某些习惯或者他们的一些离奇的举止，或许就能够突出他们的特点了。象我现在这样写，这两个人好象是一幅古旧挂毯上的两个人形，同背景很难分辨出来；如果从远处看，那就连轮廓也辨别不出，只剩下一团花花绿绿的颜色了。我只有一种辩解：他们给我的就是这样一个印象。有些人的生活只是社会有机体的一部分，他们只能生活在这个有机体内，也只能依靠它而生活，这种人总是给人以虚幻的感觉；思特里克兰德夫妇正是这样的人。他们有如体内的细胞，是身体所决不能缺少的，但是只要他们健康存在一天，就被吞没在一个重大的整体里。思特里克兰德这家人是普普通通的一个中产阶级家庭。一个和蔼可亲、殷勤好客的妻子，有着喜欢结交文学界小名人的无害的癖好；一个并不很聪明的丈夫，在慈悲的上帝安排给他的那种生活中兢兢业业、恪尽职责：两个漂亮、健康的孩子。没有什么比这一家人更为平凡的了。我不知道这一家人有什么能够引起好奇的人注意的。

当我想到后来发生的种种事情时，不禁自问：是不是当初我过于迟钝，没有看出查理斯·思特里克兰德身上与常人不同的地方啊？也许是这样的。从那个时候起到现在已经过了这么多年，在此期间我对人情世故知道了不少东西，但是即使当初我认识他们夫妇时就已经有了今天的阅历，我也不认为我对他们的判断就有所不同。只不过有一点会和当年不一样：在我了解到人是多么玄妙莫测之后，我今天决不会象那年初秋我刚刚回到伦敦时那样，在听到那个消息以后会那样大吃一惊了。

回到伦敦还不到二十四小时，我就在杰尔敏大街上遇见了柔斯·瓦特尔芙德。

“看你今天这么喜气洋洋的样子，”我说，“有什么开心的事啊？”

她笑了起来，眼睛流露出一道我早已熟悉的幸灾乐祸的闪光。这意味着她又听到她的某个朋友的一件丑闻，这位女作家的直觉已经处于极度警觉状态。

“你看见过查理斯·思特里克兰德，是不是？”

不仅她的面孔，就连她的全身都变得非常紧张。我点了点头。我怀疑这个倒霉鬼是不是在证券交易所蚀了老本儿，要不就是让公共汽车轧伤了。

“你说，是不是太可怕了？他把他老婆扔了，跑掉了。”

瓦特尔芙德小姐肯定觉得，在杰尔敏大街马路边上讲这个故事太辱没这样一个好题目，所以她只是象个艺术家似地把主题抛出来，宣称她并不知道细节。而我却不能埋没她的口才，认为根本无需介意的环境竟会妨碍她给我讲述故事。但是她还是执拗地不肯讲。

“我告诉你我什么也不知道，”她回答我激动的问题说，接着，很俏皮地耸了耸肩膀，又加了一句：“我相信伦敦哪家茶点店准有一位年轻姑娘把活儿辞了。”

她朝我笑了一下，道歉说同牙医生约定了时间，便神气十足地扬长而去。这个消息与其说叫我难过，不如说使我很感兴趣。在那些日子里我的见闻还很少是亲身经历的第一手材料，因此在我碰到这样一件我在书本里阅读到的故事时，觉得非常兴奋。我承认，现在时间和阅历已经使我习惯于在我相识的人中遇到这类事情了。但是我当时还有一种惊骇的感觉。思特里克兰德那一年一定已经有四十岁了，我认为象他这样年纪的人再牵扯到这种爱情瓜葛中未免令人作呕。在我当时年幼无知，睥睨一切的目光中，一个人陷入爱情而又不使自己成为笑柄，三十五岁是最大的年限。

除此以外，这个新闻也给我个人添了点儿小麻烦。原来我在乡下就给思特里克兰德太太写了信，通知她我回伦敦的日期，并且在信中说好如果她不回信另作安排的话，我将在某月某日到她家去吃茶。我遇见瓦特尔芙德小姐正是在这一天，可是思特里克兰德太太并没有给我捎什么信来。她到底想不想见我呢？非常可能，她在心绪烦乱中把我信里订的约会忘到脑后了。也许我应该有自知之明，不去打扰她。可是另一方面，她也可能想把这件事瞒着我，如果我叫她猜出来自己已经听到这件奇怪的消息，那就太不慎重了。我既怕伤害这位夫人的感情，又怕去她家作客惹她心烦，心里非常矛盾。我知道她这时一定痛苦不堪，我不愿意看到别人受苦，自己无力替她分忧；但另一方面我又很想看一看思特里克兰德太太对这件事有何反应，尽管我对这个想法自己也觉得不好意思。我真不知道该怎么办好了。

最后我想了个主意：我应该象什么事也没发生那样到她家去，先叫使女进去问一声，思特里克兰德太太方便不方便会客。如果她不想见我，就可以把我打发走了。尽管如此，在我对使女讲起我事前准备的一套话时，我还是窘得要命。当我在幽暗的过道里等着回话的当儿，我不得不鼓起全部勇气才没有中途溜掉。使女从里面走出来。也可能是我过于激动，胡乱猜想，我觉得从那使女的神情看，好象她已经完全知道这家人遭遇的不幸了。

“请您跟我来，先生，”她说。

我跟在她后面走进客厅。为了使室内光线暗淡，窗帘没有完全拉开。思特里克兰德太太的姐夫麦克安德鲁上校正站在壁炉前面，在没有燃旺的火炉前边烤自己的脊背。我觉得我闯进来是一件极其尴尬的事。我猜想我到这里来一定很出他们意料之外，思特里克兰德太太只是忘记同我另外约会日子才不得不让我进来。我还想，上校一定为我打扰了他们非常生气。

“我不太清楚，你是不是等着我来，”我说，故意装作一副若无其事的样子。

“当然我在等着你。安妮马上就把茶拿来。”

尽管屋子里光线很暗，我也看出来思特里克兰德太太的眼睛已经哭肿了。她的面色本来就不太好，现在更是变成土灰色了。

“你还记得我的姐夫吧？度假以前，你在这里吃饭的那天和他见过面。”

我们握了握手。我感到忐忑不安，想不出一句好说的话来。但是思特里克兰德太太解救了我；她问起我怎样消夏的事。有她提了这个头，我多少也找到些话说，直捱到使女端上茶点来。上校要了一杯苏打威士忌。

“你最好也喝一杯，阿美，”他说。

“不，我还是喝茶吧。”