Eternals is a noble misfire for the MCU. Directed by winner of the 2021 Best Director Oscar, Chloe Zhao, it attempts to elevate the superhero movie genre.

One problem: It's super boring. Eternals, which rambles on for an excruciating 156 minutes, never finds its footing. Plagued by bland characters and a distinct lack of charm, it is never able to distinguish itself among the sea of Marvel movies.

And bad news for the House of Mouse, Eternals tepid reviews were only half the problem. Those were trumped by its lack of box office bucks. The latter has more than likely doomed these immortal warriors to the catalogue of one and dones.

Now, sit back, stare into the middle distance with a Nordic Jam Lager from Two Pitchers, and put Pip in the drunk tank! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are riding Deviants across the monochrome sky!

This Week’s Segments:

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