This episode is for anyone who's ever felt like their brain is working against them, who's tired of pretending everything is fine when it's not, or who needs to hear that surviving the day is enough.

Most people don't understand what it's like when your brain is wired differently. They don't get the exhaustion of fighting yourself every single day just to do basic things. Sebbzzy knows that fight intimately.

Diagnosed with ADHD and Tourette syndrome at six years old, Sebbzzy spent his childhood being medicated and told something was wrong with him. His stepfather constantly corrected his tics, giving him negative attention that destroyed his self-confidence. The result was that he learned to camouflage his tics by mimicking normal behaviors like coughing when others coughed. He described Tourette's as an itch in your whole body that you have to release through movement or sound. The compulsive thinking that came with it meant doing things in specific patterns or numbers.

Then depression hit five years before our interview. Not the kind of sadness people think of when they hear the word depression. The kind that steals your ability to feel anything genuine. Sebbzzy talked about laughing as a reflex rather than a real emotion. About smiling at the "right" times to appear normal. About the complete disconnect from positive emotions while negative thought patterns run on repeat.

The fatigue is what he hates most. Not physical tiredness but the mental wall between him and everything he wants to do. He compared it to having a barrier between himself and his goals even though nothing is physically stopping him. He loves being active, playing guitar, working out and improving himself. But depression doesn't care what you love. Some days you just can't do it.

Add anxiety to that mix and you get physical symptoms that mimic serious illness. Sebbzzy described waking up after barely sleeping, feeling aches all over his body and having trouble breathing. He thought he had COVID. It was anxiety. The conditions feed each other in a brutal cycle. Anxiety triggers his Tourette's tics. Depression makes his ADHD worse. The ADHD makes it harder to maintain routines that help with depression.

He refused professional help for years because he wanted to fix his own problems. He's an overthinker who can usually figure out what he needs to do. The problem was, he couldn't stay consistent. When things crashed again after years of barely functioning, his mother encouraged him to get help. He finally agreed, partly because Norway's healthcare system provides free treatment for serious depression and anxiety. Having a diagnosis on paper also gives you certain rights and protections.

His advice for getting unstuck is brutally practical - take small steps. Get a haircut. Take a shower. Do something that makes you feel like you're taking care of yourself. It won't cure anything but it creates momentum. He uses a rubber band on his wrist to snap himself out of negative thinking. He forces himself to do physical activity even when depression makes everything feel impossible.

The biggest misconception he wants to destroy is that you can just think yourself healthy. ..That depression is a choice or a mindset problem. You can use positive thinking and good habits to manage symptoms but you can't think away chemical changes in your brain. You can't willpower your way out of neurological conditions.

https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/sebbzzy

Sebbzzy was 19 when we talked. He'd been fighting these conditions for most of his life. He wasn't cured. He wasn't "better." He was surviving and that's enough.

This episode is for anyone who has ever put on headphones to escape a bad day, danced alone in their kitchen to shake off stress or wondered why certain songs hit them right in the chest and make them feel something they can't quite explain.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/justin-paul

Justin Paul didn't set out to become a college professor. The international DJ and record producer stumbled into teaching almost by accident when a colleague suggested he'd be good at it. Three decades later he's still balancing life in the DJ booth with life in the classroom at UCLA, and he's learned a thing or two about how music shapes our mental and emotional wellbeing.

Paul's relationship with music started early. His grandmother and mother both had killer vinyl collections and his mom sang in a cover band. By 14 he was helping his cousin haul equipment and learning the craft of DJ-ing. Music became his escape during a turbulent childhood. "When there was trauma or weirdness going on I would be able to go into my room and play records and escape through music," he explains.

That escapist power isn't just personal. Paul talks about watching the dance floor from above at packed venues and seeing people literally dance their problems away. Some were dancers from strip clubs coming to cleanse themselves of weird energy. Others were students dealing with stress. The common thread was that music gave them permission to leave their troubles behind, even temporarily.

But here's where it gets really interesting. Paul dove deep into the science of sound frequencies during his graduate studies and discovered that certain frequencies can actually heal. The 40Hz frequency found in house and techno music's bass and kick drums? Research shows it can slow or even reverse dementia and other mental health issues. These lower frequencies hit us in the chest and abdomen almost like a physical cleansing.

Different genres create different emotional states too. Jazz makes people reflective. House and techno bring diverse groups together without the aggression that rock or hip hop can sometimes trigger (especially when alcohol is involved). Paul learned this firsthand by watching which songs sparked fights and which ones created unity on the dance floor.

His advice to young artists struggling with self-doubt and perfectionism is simple: Keep going. Persistence beats talent every time. He's a big believer in Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hours of deliberate practice and tells his students it's okay to have a day job while pursuing their art. Financial stability actually protects mental health and creative freedom.

During the pandemic Paul created "Tropical Stardust Meditations," an ambient soundscape project designed for meditation. He made the first track intentionally short because busy people don't always have 30 minutes to meditate. Even three minutes of intentional sound can help reset your nervous system.

Paul protects his own mental health through exercise, meditation, naps and a solid eight hours of sleep. He tries to meditate before every performance to clear his mind. And he's learned to create an imaginary force field around himself when he steps into events because hundreds or thousands of people are beaming their energy at him.

His final wisdom is that you can't just "get over" mental health struggles. Healing is a lifelong process and anyone who tells you to rub some dirt on it and get back in the game doesn't understand how trauma actually works.

Music isn't just entertainment. It's medicine, community and sometimes the best therapist money can't buy.

This episode is essential listening for anyone who's ever struggled with their mental health, loved someone who has, or wants to understand what depression and self-harm actually look like beyond the sanitized awareness campaigns.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/ian-mcguckin

Sometimes the most powerful voices come from unexpected places. When Ian McGuckin reached out on Reddit willing to share his story, I knew we had something special. This high school senior from Michigan isn't your typical guest, but his insights into mental health run deeper than many people twice his age.

Ian was diagnosed with depression and anxiety during his freshman year of high school. What followed was a difficult journey through self-harm that lasted until October of last year. But this story goes beyond the struggle. He talks about finding what actually works when the standard answers fall short.

Ian describes his depression as pervasive loneliness and disconnection. "I felt like I was in my own world and I was very alone," he explains. "Like I was just an avatar walking through all the stuff and the real world was in my mind." Moving frequently as a kid left him feeling like a perpetual outsider, always one step removed from the deep connections his peers shared.

His anxiety manifested mostly as social anxiety. Simple things like throwing away trash in class became overwhelming. The weight of worrying about how others perceived him was constant and exhausting.

When Ian talks about overcoming self-harm, he's refreshingly honest about what worked and what didn't. Ice in his hands, rubber bands on his wrists, running until the urge passed. He emphasizes that no single tactic solved everything. It was the combination of many strategies that finally broke through.

Exercise became particularly important, offering a triple benefit: distraction, physical sensation and that crucial endorphin rush. Running gave him the added advantage of getting away from whatever he might use to harm himself.

Now Ian volunteers with Teens Thriving Together, a nonprofit run entirely by teenagers focused on mental health support and education. They're building a website to serve as a hub for struggling teens and working to incorporate mental health education into school curriculums nationwide.

His motivation is clear: he wants to break down the stigma that kept him isolated for so long. "It happens to everybody," he says about mental health struggles. "Everybody has those times when their emotions and their brain takes hold of them."

Perhaps the most important thing Ian shares is about support systems. He had caring family and friends, but often didn't reach out when he needed them most. When he finally did open up, the reactions were overwhelmingly positive. The stigma he feared existed more in his head than in reality.

For anyone struggling now, Ian's advice is practical: find your community, even if it's online. Keep your hands and mind busy. Don't underestimate how many people actually care about you, even when your brain insists otherwise.

Ian McGuckin is proof that teenagers aren't just the future. They're changing things right now. And we should all be paying attention.

This episode is for anyone who's ever stood awkwardly at a funeral wondering what to say, anyone supporting a grieving friend, or anyone who wants to show up better for the people they care about when life gets hard.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/barbara-bowman

Barbara Bowman has lived through more loss than most people can imagine. Through those experiences she's witnessed both the beautiful and the cringe-worthy ways people respond to death and grief. Her book "What Not To Do At Funerals: A Newbie's Guide To Death" tackles the awkwardness head-on with humor and practical advice.

Working in a med spa gave Barbara a front-row seat to grief complaints. After hearing countless stories about funeral mishaps and people not knowing what to do, she realized there was a gap. Nothing out there offered quick, punchy guidance for navigating these situations. So she wrote a 60-page guide you could literally download on your way to a funeral.

The biggest takeaway? Grief is unique to each person and each relationship. Losing a grandparent as a kid is vastly different from losing a spouse or child as an adult. The depth of grief correlates with the hopes and dreams wrapped up in that relationship. When someone tells you they understand your pain because their grandmother died, they might not realize they're minimizing something much heavier.

Barbara emphasizes that funerals aren't about you. They're about honoring the deceased and supporting the grievers. Show up. Don't be late. Dress like you're going to a job interview. No selfies. No asking how they died. And for the love of everything, don't compare your grief to theirs or tell them they should have gone to your doctor.

The conversation highlighted how COVID changed everything. For several years people couldn't gather for funerals and that created a new normal where not showing up became acceptable. But people remember who shows up and they definitely remember who doesn't.

One of the most powerful points: never be afraid to say the name of someone who died. Grieving people want to talk about their loved ones. If mentioning someone's name makes them cry it's because they loved that person and they'll appreciate those tears.

Barbara stresses that showing up is just the beginning. The real impact happens after the funeral when everyone else has moved on. Offer to drive someone to the airport at 3am. Bring food. Check in weeks later when the shock has worn off and the emotional tidal wave hits. Small gestures create lasting bonds.

As for what to say? Keep it simple. Share a memory. Tell them you're thinking of them. Admit you don't know what to do but you want to help. That honesty beats awkward silence every time.

The discussion also touched on balance and self-care. Barbara celebrates small progress instead of waiting for big milestones. Wrote one page instead of three? Celebrate it. Set everything up to write but didn't actually write? That's still progress.

Her teaching background shines through in her approach. She wants to give people tools and confidence to handle these situations without the sweaty palms and stress. Death is universal. We're all going to experience it. Having a quick reference guide removes the guesswork and helps people show up as their best selves when life hands us one of its hardest goodbyes.

Because at the end of the day grief is about connection and so is supporting someone through it.

This episode is for anyone who's ever felt like their body failed them, anyone supporting someone through a tough recovery, or anyone who needs to hear that struggling mentally while healing physically doesn't make you weak.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/lazzzybee

LazzzyBee's story starts with a simple pivot during basketball practice his sophomore year of high school. That one movement shredded his meniscus and launched him into a grueling journey through four knee surgeries, a blood clot on his birthday, and months of relearning how to walk. His coach thought he was joking around when he dropped to the ground. He wasn't.

The recovery was brutal. Bee spent months bedridden with a machine moving his leg to prevent blood clots, which he got anyway. His foot swelled up and his mom insisted on getting it checked. Good call because it landed him in an ambulance to the hospital where they handed him an Apple gift card. He had a Samsung phone.

What makes Bee's story compelling isn't just the physical trauma. It's how he handled it mentally with rock solid family support and a perspective shift his mom gave him: some people can handle certain things better than others. That mindset carried him through. But he admits he gave up too soon on building his strength back after he could walk again. Looking back, he wishes he'd pushed through that final phase of physical therapy.

The injury changed his trajectory completely. Bee started college as a computer science major because he's good with computers and the money looked good. Math class scared him off. Then he switched to physical therapy because he wanted to help others the way his therapists helped him. That lasted until he had to pinch people's fat to measure cholesterol. Turns out he doesn't like touching people that much.

Now he's studying social work with a psychology minor and it finally feels right. He's drawn to understanding how the brain works and he genuinely enjoys helping people through tough situations. His diverse friend group taught him the most important lesson: you never know what someone's dealing with behind the scenes. You can't look at a person and diagnose them or dismiss their struggles.

Bee keeps busy with two jobs including one with the Cleveland Cavs, streaming, basketball, beach volleyball and collecting vinyl records. He doesn't do much formal self care because his hobbies are his stress relief. When he needs a break, he'll lay down and just listen to music. Sometimes the best self care is knowing when to step back and do nothing at all.

His biggest frustration with mental health stigma? People who self diagnose others and dismiss real struggles because someone "doesn't look depressed." He's dealt with that himself. Just because someone smiled yesterday doesn't mean they're not fighting depression today. It's a chemical imbalance and most people just lack the knowledge to understand that.

By the end of the episode, you'll see a young man who’s turned pain into perspective. He doesn’t sugarcoat struggle, but he radiates resilience, reminding everyone that healing (mental or physical) takes time, support and a little humor along the way.

If you're questioning whether traditional therapy and religion have all the answers, or you're caught between faith and mental health frameworks that don't quite fit, this episode is for you.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/richard-tierney

Richard Tierney works with trauma survivors using a combination of visualization, spiritual practice and a modified 12-step program. He frames his approach around the idea that mental disorders stem from past trauma held by younger versions of ourselves, rather than being inherent mental illnesses requiring lifelong management.

Tierney's core premise involves separating your current self from the person who experienced trauma. He argues that if you're 40 now and experienced abuse at 12, you're not the same person. Therefore, you shouldn't carry that trauma as your own identity. His healing process involves visualizing your younger self, mentally transferring the trauma back to them, and releasing it through ritualistic acts like burning written lists of grievances.

He emphasizes three eight-hour segments daily: eight hours for sleep (given to God/your chosen higher power through prayer), eight hours for work, and eight hours for personal activities, hobbies and relationships. This framework aims to create resilience by diversifying your life rather than depending on one job or one person for identity.

Tierney's spiritual approach doesn't require traditional religion. He encourages people to develop a personal relationship with God/your higher power through practices like writing out worries, burning the list as a burnt offering, and repeating affirmations starting with "I am" to reprogram unconscious thinking. He's explicit that this works regardless of church attendance or denomination.

The conversation touched on how his approach relates to conventional mental health treatment. Tierney distinguishes between mental illness (which requires professional treatment) and mental disorders (which he believes stem from trauma). He's critical of treating symptoms through medication alone, arguing this ignores the root cause. He acknowledges that many clients struggle with letting go of victim identity, especially if their sense of purpose comes from advocacy around their diagnosis.

Tierney shared his own history: childhood trauma at 12, decades spent in victim mentality, struggles with addiction and isolation and eventual recovery through 12-step programs and therapy work in Thailand. He moved from Catholicism to a more individualized spiritual practice after witnessing the church deny funeral rites to suicide victims.

On forgiveness, he argues that wishing abusers well and leaving judgment to God removes their power over you, though this doesn't mean condoning their actions. He encourages people to share their stories but distinguish between what happened to their younger self and who they are today.

The interview emphasized personal agency and spiritual reframing over diagnosis and medication. Tierney frames mental health challenges as soul wounds rather than brain disorders, presenting his methodology as an alternative path rather than a complement to conventional treatment.

This episode is for anyone who's ever felt broken by their own brain, anyone supporting someone through the darkness, or anyone who needs to hear that the smallest reasons to stay alive are just as valid as the big ones.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/reinna

Reinna came on Mental Health Monday to talk about depression, anxiety, medication abuse and suicidal ideations. At just 17, she's already navigated more medical trauma and mental health struggles than most people face in a lifetime.

Her health issues started young. At 10 years old, severe stomach pain led to countless hospital visits, invasive tests and eventually gallbladder removal at 12. The pain didn't stop. Doctors thought it was Crohn's disease, then IBS, then colitis. Years later, she still doesn't have a definitive diagnosis. The constant hospitalizations meant missing school and struggling to make friends. Teachers gave her a hard time until they understood the severity of her condition. Children's Hospital became her second home.

The medication abuse started in eighth grade. Depression runs in her family and she was already on antidepressants when she fell for a boy who was taking Xanax. She started taking her own pills to feel better. One became two, two became three. Soon she was taking five or six at once just to sleep. "I can't be sad if I'm asleep," she explained. When she realized she was approaching overdose territory, she told her mom. Her mother was initially angry but ultimately supportive. Her father called her a "druggy." She still struggles with relapse.

Self-harm was another coping mechanism. She used to hold ice in her room when she wanted to hurt herself, finding it gave her physical pain without permanent damage. A previous guest had suggested the same technique.

At 11, Reinna was sexually assaulted by one of her father's drunk friends at a party. He told her he did it because he loved her. Those words destroyed her understanding of love. She didn't fully comprehend what happened until she got older. The assault made her afraid of drunk people and left her feeling like she couldn't say no to anyone. She became a people pleaser who struggled to set boundaries. Her mom initially brushed it off until things got serious. They never pursued legal action.

Reinna identifies as bisexual. She came out to her mom young, crying on the steps saying she loved people she shouldn't love. Her mom thought it was a phase. Later, during a fight with her dad about her medication abuse, she blurted out her sexuality expecting rejection. Surprisingly, her dad was more accepting than her mom.

What keeps her going? Her cat July, who once headbutted her at a critical moment. Her best friend Twani, who turns dark moments into jokes. Playing video games. Her mom. Finding humor in the darkness. She's learned that helping others makes her happy, even when she needs to remember to help herself first.

Reinna wants people to know that those with mental illness aren't different or abnormal. They're just people dealing with something that happened to them, no different than someone with a physical disease. She's studying philosophy and anthropology and dreams of becoming a treasure hunter or maybe even a cult leader (the inclusive, science-friendly kind).

She's been clean from self-harm attempts for almost a year as of our interview. She's still here, taking care of her cat and living one day at a time.

If you've ever felt alone in your struggle, if you're carrying shame about needing help, or if you know a veteran who's suffering in silence, this episode is for you.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/mark-ross

In this powerful episode, MommaFoxFire sits down with Mark Ross, a veteran and advocate who’s walked through the darkest corners of mental health and lived to tell the story. Mark opens up about his experiences with PTSD, depression & suicidal ideation, giving listeners a raw look at what it’s really like to fight your own mind every day. This conversation is real talk about pain, survival, and what it means to ask for help when everything feels impossible.

Mark talks about how his mental health struggles started after his military service, but he’s quick to point out that trauma isn’t limited to combat. PTSD can come from many places, and everyone’s story looks different. What matters is recognizing the signs and getting support before things spiral. He describes the emotional numbness, the anxiety & the deep depression that followed him long after he came home. For years, he felt stuck, angry, detached & ashamed to admit how bad things really were.

The turning point came when he realized that silence was killing him faster than any diagnosis ever could. He started therapy, reluctantly at first, but found that being honest with a counselor gave him space to start healing. He learned that therapy is less about “fixing” you and more about giving you tools to survive, connect & slowly rebuild your life.

Mark and MommaFoxFire talk about the stigma that keeps so many people, especially men and veterans, from reaching out for help. They unpack how phrases like “man up” or “be strong” can trap people in cycles of shame and isolation. Mark admits that his lowest points included thoughts of suicide & that what ultimately saved him was connection... friends who noticed, a therapist who listened & his own decision to stop hiding behind a mask.

He now uses his story to help others see that recovery isn’t linear, and it doesn’t require perfection. There are good days and bad ones, but progress counts in small moments... like getting out of bed, making a call or letting someone in on what you’re feeling.

Throughout the conversation, Mark’s honesty hits hard but also offers hope. He reminds listeners that you don’t have to wait until you’re at rock bottom to reach out. Whether it’s therapy, medication, support groups or just talking with someone you trust, there are ways forward.

The episode closes with both Mark and MommaFoxFire encouraging anyone struggling to take that first step toward help. It might be scary, but it’s worth it. Mark says it best: “You can’t heal what you keep hiding. Talking about it doesn’t make you weak, it keeps you alive.”

This episode is a gut check and a lifeline all at once. If you’ve ever felt like you’re falling apart, you’re not alone, and this conversation proves that healing starts with speaking up.

This conversation is perfect for anyone who's been told to 'just pray harder' about their depression, pastors burning out in silence, or people wondering if faith and therapy can actually coexist.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/reverend-nick-scutari

Reverend Nick didn't set out to become the poster child for pastors who pop antidepressants, but life had other plans. This United Methodist pastor from Minnesota joined MommaFoxFire for a raw conversation about what happens when faith meets mental health reality.

Nick's journey into ministry started unconventionally. A summer camp kid who discovered God through games and guitar lessons, he initially studied music before his wife helped him recognize his calling. Now 34 and ordained for over a decade, he's learned that pastoral work can "consume your soul if you let it."

The conversation took a heavy turn when Nick shared about losing his best friend Clint to cancer at just 38 years old. They'd met in seminary, bonded over shared hotel rooms and missed flights, and Clint had become one of Nick's biggest supporters. His death last July sent Nick spiraling into grief that he knew he couldn't navigate alone.

"I knew enough to know I needed therapy," Nick said matter-of-factly. He found comfort in Dana Trent's book "Dessert First" and Nora McInerny's TED talk about how you don't move on from grief, you move forward with it. His wife gave him space to "wallow" while still offering support.

Then 2020 hit. As the world shut down and Nick was transitioning to a new church, depression crashed over him like a wave. His body felt heavy, his brain fogged, and getting out of bed became a monumental task. His wife, who lives with bipolar disorder, recognized the signs immediately. Nick's doctor diagnosed situational depression and prescribed medication.

"It's not a happy pill," Nick clarified. "It's a get out of bed and function pill."

This brings us to the heart of Nick's mission: dismantling the church's tendency to treat mental illness as a spiritual failing. He's tired of the "just pray harder" mentality that dismisses real medical needs. When someone tweeted that brain chemicals not working properly means "store bought is fine," Nick felt seen.

Nick takes a both-and approach rather than either-or. You can have Jesus and a therapist and medication. Science and Christianity are teammates rather than enemies. He's witnessed too much harm from churches that overspiritualze mental health struggles or sweep them under the rug entirely.

His advice for supporting someone through mental health struggles? "Be gentle with yourself, trust the process, find your people." Don't try to carry someone else's burden for them, walk alongside them instead.

As an Enneagram One (the perfectionist), Nick struggles with his inner critic. Self-care looks like using his CPAP machine, taking his medication, and accepting unproductive days without shame. His productivity doesn't define his worth - a lesson he's still learning.

The pandemic has made everything harder. Nick started his new pastorship virtually, getting to know parishioners through masks and Vulcan salutes instead of handshakes. But he's committed to being authentic about his struggles, even mentioning his depression from the pulpit.

When asked what misconception about mental illness he'd eliminate with a magic wand, Nick didn't hesitate: the idea that people with mental health conditions are somehow "less than" or fractional people.

Nick's story is all about showing up authentically in the middle of struggles. He's proof that you can be broken and holy at the same time, that faith and therapy make good companions, and that sometimes the most pastoral thing you can do is admit you need help too.

In a year when everyone's hitting rock bottom, Nick offers this: we can help each other back up. No magic required, just presence, honesty, and the courage to keep showing up.

Essential listening for anyone loving someone with PTSD, parents wondering how trauma is affecting their kids, and family members who feel like they're walking on eggshells but don't know how to help.

More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/dr-michelle-sherman

Dr. Michelle Sherman spent 17 years in the VA system watching families sit in waiting rooms while their loved ones received treatment. Those families looked lost, confused and isolated. That observation launched her career specializing in how trauma and PTSD impact entire family systems, not just the person with the diagnosis.

The biggest misconception? That trauma automatically equals PTSD. Most people experience some form of trauma in their lives, but most don't develop PTSD. Sherman survived a serious car accident at 70 mph that easily could have killed her. That was trauma. But like most people, she processed it naturally without developing PTSD. The distinction matters because it removes the automatic assumption that experiencing something terrible means you're broken.

For those who do develop PTSD, there's reason for hope. Sherman emphasizes that PTSD can actually be cured, not just managed. Evidence-based treatments exist that can eliminate symptoms entirely. The challenge is getting people to stick with treatment since avoidance is a core symptom of the condition.

Families often don't realize they're dealing with trauma's ripple effects. They might feel like they're walking on eggshells around someone who's become irritable and quick to anger. Or they experience what researchers call "ambiguous loss" when their loved one is physically present but emotionally unavailable. Kids especially struggle with this, often blaming themselves for the changes in their parent's behavior.

Sherman's advice for families is straightforward but powerful: keep asking. If someone with PTSD declines social invitations or family activities, don't stop inviting them. Unless they explicitly tell you to stop, keep reaching out. They may say yes on the 50th invitation, but knowing you're still there matters enormously.

Equally important is what not to do. Don't pry for details about the trauma. Don't take their emotional distance personally. And critically, don't make your entire life about being their caregiver. You need your own hobbies, friends and support system to avoid burnout.

The family impact extends beyond spouses and partners. Sherman's passionate about children living with parents who have mental illness or PTSD. About 20% of kids live in these situations, yet they remain largely invisible to healthcare systems. Other countries provide legal rights and supports for these children, but the US lags behind significantly.

Sherman co-authors books with her mother specifically addressing this gap. Their latest releases include resources for both teens and adults navigating these family dynamics. The books are interactive, community-reviewed efforts designed to feel like "a support group in a book" for people who might never seek traditional therapy.

Her message throughout is hopeful. Trauma can be life-impacting but doesn't have to be life-defining. Recovery is possible. Families can heal together. The key is understanding that healing often happens in relationship with others, whether through therapy, support groups or simply having people who keep showing up even when you push them away.

The stigma around PTSD is decreasing, treatments are improving and awareness is growing. Sherman's magic wand wish would be comprehensive recognition of how mental health issues affect children in these families, but her realistic advice is simpler: stay curious, keep caring and remember that showing up consistently matters more than saying the perfect thing.