This episode is entitled: Learning to love your mentally ill friends and family members. On this podcast, I have spoken at length about physical illness and even death and how as Christians, our faith in Christ deepens our hope and gives us strength through seasons of intense grief. Topics like this matter to me because as a Navy chaplain, I want to encourage you and remind you that you are not alone in your pain. I want to encourage you that you don’t have to grieve alone. Grief can isolate us from others and when we allow Christ to deepen our faith when we hurt, it allows us to invite others into our lives.

I have often pointed us to scripture and pointed to Jesus as the one who is our ultimate hope and peace in this life for those who suffer physical pain and death. But what I have failed to do thus far is to address another kind of illness. Mental illness is much more common than we realize. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 5 American adults lives with a mental illness. The World Health Organization says 1 in 4 people worldwide will experience mental-health issues. No one is exempt from mental illness. Anyone can have mental illness regardless of your age, gender, or ethnic background. Join me in this episode of Evening Thoughts and let's talk more about how to love our mentally ill friend or family member.

I have always been drawn to a good story and that may explain why I devoured books as a child. Once I got hold of a good book, I would not put it to rest until I scoured it from cover to cover.

And as an adult, I have not changed. I still love a good story and I’m still taken away by them whether it be movies or books. Books like the Reaper man by Terry Pratchett, or movies like the Shawshank Redemption are some of my personal favorite stories. What are yours? What books or movies would you recommend to me? As much as I like books and movies, some of my favorite stories of all time are not written down or in any film. You can’t stream it from Netflix or YouTube.

It is in fact because it exists only inside of you. Yes you! Your story, specifically your grief story is unique to you and only you. Yes there may be some others like it, but it doesn’t have your personal experience and personal touch. You see, there is immense importance in you sharing your story…your grief story. Join me in tonight's episode of Evening Thoughts and let's talk more about that.

My dad has stage 4 colorectal cancer. He was diagnosed with it in 2017 and he has outlived all expectations with regular visits to his Oncologist and bimonthly chemo treatments. I can’t say though that the last several years have been pleasant for him. You see, his cancer is growing and spreading. His treatments has allowed him to live to this day, but we have observed cancer slowly taking him from us.

I know I talk a lot about grief and death on this show. Perhaps it is because it is the reality of our family right now and by talking about it I am able to process our experience, and at the same time I hope that those of you who have gone through similar things may find that you are not alone. Personal and family illness can feel isolating at times, and my hope is that if you clicked on this episode because the topic hits home for you, that you find some connection and feel less like you are in this by yourself. The topic of this podcast is entitled, When death comes slowly. Last week my podcast episode was entitled When Death comes suddenly, and I talked about the unique grief that a person goes through when the unexpected happens. But what about when death comes slowly for you or for a loved one due to a terminal diagnosis? What about when at times the anticipation of death of a loved one happens over a span of months and even years? Join me in this episode and let's talk about that.

Have you ever received bad news that felt as if someone had kicked you in the guts? Have you ever received a phone call telling you to get to the hospital as quickly as possible because your loved one was involved in an accident? Have you ever had a knock on the door, possibly from law enforcement that your loved one was injured and had died?  In our bravest of moments we dare think upon such scenarios and wonder what we will do if that ever happened to us. The truth is though, that these scenarios have happened to real people. It has happened to real mothers, real fathers, and siblings and friends. Some deaths happen over time and through the years, but other deaths happen quickly and without any opportunities to prepare.

Just this week, I got a call from one of Marines and he informed me that his father had died suddenly in his hotel room all alone. He just had dinner with this father and the next day he gets a call letting him know that his father had died. He was devastated at the news because there was nothing to indicate to him that his father’s last meal would be with his son the day prior. What are we to make of that but acknowledge that sometimes death comes suddenly and without any warning. God forbid that this happen to you, but I am always one for proactive preparation and I hope that this episode helps you in someway. This episode of Evening Thoughts is entitled when Death comes Suddenly and I want to talk about navigating death of a loved one or a friend when it comes without any time to prepare. Join me in tonight's episode of Evening Thoughts.

I have wrestled with this question many times in my life, and it has been reignited by the fact that I am about to close one chapter of my life to another. For the last 5 years, I have been a Chaplain to the Marines. I have trained with them, been deployed with them, tragically lost Marines and Sailors together with them, and celebrated their successes as well.

Now as I look ahead to my new set of orders, I will no longer wear the Marine uniform and I will be a chaplain to my Sailors on a ship. I am about to begin a new journey and so this is the perfect place for me to once again visit this question. What is God’s calling for my life? Has anything changed? Do I still feel the same calling as I did before? These are the questions that I am asking myself a lot lately. I imagine that many of you have asked the same questions as you prayed for God to reveal his purpose for your life. In tonight’s episode, my aim is perhaps share with you some things that have worked for me over the years and to encourage you in your own pursuit. Let us talk about that this evening.

Where is your confidence? If it is your looks, your money, your career, your intellect, your talent, or your marital status, would you move that confidence over to Jesus? We do that by abiding, being connected, by being nourished by Jesus Christ every single day. Finding Confidence in Jesus is one of the marks of a Christian. Join me as we delve into 1 John 2:28-29, 3:1-10 and let's talk more about what it means to be a Christian.

Tonight’s episode is entitled, Is Empathy a sin? Now some of you may be caught off guard because this may be the first time you’ve ever heard that some people think that empathy is a sin. At least I was not aware that some Christians believe that empathy is a sin until recently.

And then there are Christians who say that there is a place for empathy and employing it with caution is wise. In this episode, I will define what I think Empathy is, and talk about some of the good I see in it, and the potential dangers of it and let you decide for yourself whether empathy is sinful.  

The Evening Thought for this episode is: Creating Healthy Boundaries When Helping Others. We will at one time or another find ourselves helping those around us, and I want to encourage those of us who do it regularly, specifically as a care giver or a counselor of some sort to create healthy boundaries to save yourself some trouble later on. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way.

So…I have a confession for you. That is a funny way to start a podcast episode, isn’t it? But I do and I say it like that because the topic for tonight’s episode is something that I had to learn over the years and when I learned how to do it, it felt like I could do ministry more joyfully and successfully for all involved. My confession is this: I like being wanted. I like being needed. I like feeling as if I am important to someone and them depending on me for help. I like being the primary person who helps someone else and for them to recognize me for it. I speak from my ego and my pride when I start believing that I should be the center of someone’s source of help.

So I confess this to you because as a Chaplain and a Pastor, I’ve learned to pull myself away from this unhealthy behavior because ultimately I was creating bad boundaries with those who came to me for help. I like hearing someone say, “Chaps you are the only one who understands me.”  I liked them saying, “No one helps me but you chaps.” Chaps, “I don’t know what I would do without you.” Have you ever had someone say this to you? Or say something like this to you?

You may already see where I am going with this, but boundaries are necessary at times when we help someone. Join me tonight in this episode and let's talk more about that.

God’s word is often like a surgeon’s scalpel and God uses it to perform heart surgery on us. At times, it can hurt because we are faced with our own sin and these words are very piercing. It can be weighty and there may be times when you say to yourself "boy…I am missing the mark." Or "I am dropping the ball."Sometimes we may get discouraged when we see our efforts fail. When this happens, we must take a pause and reminder ourselves of the assurance that we have in Christ.

We must remember the never ending, and always true beliefs about who God is and who you are in him. And the truth is there is not one of us who has a leg up on another person here. There is not one of us more deserving of God’s grace more than someone else. We are not perfect. We don’t always obey perfectly God’s word. Yes, let us spur one another to higher standard. Yes, let us challenge each other for deeper growth, but let us also keep reminding one another and assuring each other of the never ending, always abounding grace of God. Join me tonight as we delve into 1 John 2:12-14 to talk more about this.

Unless you are Forrest Gump, you don’t just wake up one morning and decide to go run a marathon. You don’t just wake up one morning and lift weights like Arnold Schwarzenegger. You don’t just wake up one morning and cook a meal like Gordon Ramsey. It takes time to train. It takes time to develop your endurance. It takes hours in the gym lifting heavy things and putting them down. It takes trial and error to cook a gourmet meal. In the same way, you don’t get a noble character by accident.

You don’t become an honest person by whim. It takes practice and it takes time. It takes deliberate intention to be a person of integrity. You don’t become a patient person when everything goes your way. Use the opportunities you have to make healthy changes in your life and ensure that you give yourself time to make those changes. Don’t give up when things get hard. Don’t give in when your motivation lessens. Make use of this season of change in your life to make positive growth changes for yourself. Let's talk more about that in tonight's episode of Evening Thoughts.