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Everything You Have Been Taught About Good Parenting Is Focused on the Wrong Thing
š Book a free Assessment Call to find out what your nervous system needs: www.calmconnectionsystem.com/call
Everything you have been taught about good parenting is probably focused on the wrong thing.
You have read the books. You know the scripts. You know what you are supposed to say when your toddler melts down. You are still anxious. Your child is still struggling. The problem is not your knowledge. It is the state your body is in when you show up.
In this episode, I am going to show you the difference between two very different parenting approaches, what each one actually produces inside your child, and exactly where you are right now so you know what to do next.
ā±ļø TIMESTAMPSĀ
0:00 Everything You Have Been Taught About Good Parenting Is Focused on the Wrong Thing
1:21 What perfect parenting promises and why it has spread so fastĀ
1:57 Why performing calm is just anxiety wearing a different faceĀ
3:26 What regulated parenting actually is (it is not what you think)Ā
4:12 What it looks like when your nervous system is actually regulated (Leah's story)Ā
4:59 Co-regulation: your child literally borrows your nervous systemĀ
5:46 How to diagnose which place you are parenting from right nowĀ
6:54 Why secure children are built by regulated parents, not scripted onesĀ
7:44 How to train your nervous system in real time (not in a quiet room)Ā
9:14 A four-step practice for the next hard moment
ā QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Why do parenting books not help with postpartum anxiety?Ā
Parenting books teach you what to say and do, but your child does not respond to scripts. They respond to the state of your nervous system. When you are monitoring and performing rather than regulated, your child reads the tension in your body regardless of the words coming out of your mouth.
What is regulated parenting and how is it different from gentle parenting? Regulated parenting is not about staying calm. It is about having the capacity to stay present during a hard moment without being hijacked by it. Gentle parenting often focuses on behavior, which can lead to performing calm rather than actually feeling settled inside. Real regulation means your child can borrow steadiness from your body, not your script.
How do you know if you are parenting from anxiety or from regulation? Notice what happens in your body when your child has a hard moment. If you brace, scan for the right move, and feel relief after a meltdown mixed with dread about the next one, your nervous system is treating your child's distress as a threat. Your child is reading that signal, not your words.
š± RESOURCES
Free Assessment Call: www.calmconnectionsystem.com/call
Free Webinar: https://calmconnectionsystem.com/register
Website: https://www.katekripke.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katekripke/
š Subscribe for weekly tools to help high-achieving moms move through postpartum anxiety and into calm, confidence, and deep connection with their kids.
ABOUT KATE KRIPKEĀ
I'm a licensed clinical psychotherapist and maternal mental health specialist. For over 20 years, I've helped thousands of high-achieving, career-driven moms move through postpartum anxiety without years of therapy.
View all episodes
By Kate Kripke
4.9
5656 ratings
š Book a free Assessment Call to find out what your nervous system needs: www.calmconnectionsystem.com/call
Everything you have been taught about good parenting is probably focused on the wrong thing.
You have read the books. You know the scripts. You know what you are supposed to say when your toddler melts down. You are still anxious. Your child is still struggling. The problem is not your knowledge. It is the state your body is in when you show up.
In this episode, I am going to show you the difference between two very different parenting approaches, what each one actually produces inside your child, and exactly where you are right now so you know what to do next.
ā±ļø TIMESTAMPSĀ
0:00 Everything You Have Been Taught About Good Parenting Is Focused on the Wrong Thing
1:21 What perfect parenting promises and why it has spread so fastĀ
1:57 Why performing calm is just anxiety wearing a different faceĀ
3:26 What regulated parenting actually is (it is not what you think)Ā
4:12 What it looks like when your nervous system is actually regulated (Leah's story)Ā
4:59 Co-regulation: your child literally borrows your nervous systemĀ
5:46 How to diagnose which place you are parenting from right nowĀ
6:54 Why secure children are built by regulated parents, not scripted onesĀ
7:44 How to train your nervous system in real time (not in a quiet room)Ā
9:14 A four-step practice for the next hard moment
ā QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Why do parenting books not help with postpartum anxiety?Ā
Parenting books teach you what to say and do, but your child does not respond to scripts. They respond to the state of your nervous system. When you are monitoring and performing rather than regulated, your child reads the tension in your body regardless of the words coming out of your mouth.
What is regulated parenting and how is it different from gentle parenting? Regulated parenting is not about staying calm. It is about having the capacity to stay present during a hard moment without being hijacked by it. Gentle parenting often focuses on behavior, which can lead to performing calm rather than actually feeling settled inside. Real regulation means your child can borrow steadiness from your body, not your script.
How do you know if you are parenting from anxiety or from regulation? Notice what happens in your body when your child has a hard moment. If you brace, scan for the right move, and feel relief after a meltdown mixed with dread about the next one, your nervous system is treating your child's distress as a threat. Your child is reading that signal, not your words.
š± RESOURCES
Free Assessment Call: www.calmconnectionsystem.com/call
Free Webinar: https://calmconnectionsystem.com/register
Website: https://www.katekripke.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katekripke/
š Subscribe for weekly tools to help high-achieving moms move through postpartum anxiety and into calm, confidence, and deep connection with their kids.
ABOUT KATE KRIPKEĀ
I'm a licensed clinical psychotherapist and maternal mental health specialist. For over 20 years, I've helped thousands of high-achieving, career-driven moms move through postpartum anxiety without years of therapy.