This was peak summertime, the month of May, year 2006
I was resuming to work after second maternity leave.
Excited to begin my next project, I reached out to HR
I come to know that – I got 2 as my annual appraisal rating.
2 means below average rating.
I thought, I did not hear it right, I asked him to re-check
I could not believe that I, who has been a performer (4.5 – 5 out of 5), otherwise has been given a rating of 2 & that too without any discussion with me.
I just could not accept what had happened,
It was a big blow to my trust in the corporate world …
History had repeated itself
This was the second time; I have been given a below average rating while being on Maternity leave
Once before in May 2004 & in May 2006!
Reasons - Bell curve normalization or my manager’s free will – took out his grudges on me – for being outspoken, calling spade a spade!
In 2004, when I was given this rating, I raised grievances across all levels in the organization.
Everyone gave ears to my concerns, saying we will look into it!
A year passed by & nothing happened!
Stupid me, I was still hopeful.
As time passed, I let go & repressed my emotions!
In 2006, post second maternity, when this re-surfaced, it simply erupted the emotional Volcano within me that I had repressed for so long!
This time, it shook me very deeply from inside.
After working for so many years, with so much ownership & belongingness, this is what I get ?
They said - you are too emotionally attached to your work life !
I was self-driven, motivated, inspired to contribute
(as if, if I stop contributing, my company will stop)
I could also see many people who were not emotionally attached, working only for paycheck – doing just what was told, not an inch extra & still managing to get decent ratings.
I assumed my organization will take care of me – I have been a workholic, everyone knew that & I have always put work before family !
1. We did not ask you to slog for 16-18 long hours!
2. We did not ask you to come on weekends
3. We did not ask you to forgo your family or miss their special occasions!
You did all this to prove yourself at work, to get good rating, for your own professional growth!
Were they right? Was I wrong? Where did I go wrong?
This just pierced me & my heart was broken & shattered into1000 pieces!
Life again taught me an important lesson
Career growth, Promotions, increased Salary at the cost of what?
At the cost of my own health!
At the cost of not visiting my parents for years!
At the cost of ignoring my own family needs!
It was time to reflect, introspect & work on my priorities in life.
What really mattered to me?
What are my priorities in life?
It was time to “decide the priorities of my life”
I decided to Quit, Stay at home take care of my babies, take care of myself
Without thinking much, Only FEELING much - I resigned!
I did not let all the if’s & but’s and other pressures come in my way of taking the decision.
Everyone around me thought I was crazy to leave such a good job where I was growing well & I had got this opportunity after struggling to find right job for 3 years post engineering.
They all said - you will regret your decision!
But I was done being unhappy at workplace and the imbalance it created in my life.
It was time for course correction!
