Is it possible to expect love and respect, which are straight from God's Word, and see those expectations damage relationships? Does the principle of freedom in relationships mean expectations are wrong for relationships? If the word “mutual” in a definition of a GR8 relationship drives people to focus on the other person, then that would imply expectations are wrong. Is that true?No, not true. To gain a better understanding, start with the definition of expectations –The act of expecting, eager anticipation, something expected.Anticipating with confidence of fulfillment.Some synonyms are “hope, outlook, hopefulness.” Most other synonyms are also positive, even when considered for a relationship. So, from the word's actual meaning, expectations are good for relationships. I can have expectations of you, and you can have expectations of me. That would mean we have hope, an eager anticipation of future events.However, expectations damage relationships more often than help, which means it would be helpful to identify when expectations help and hurt.Expectations HelpThey can help relationships when they…Involve All PartiesThe expectations may not be the same for everyone, but each person has expectations that fit their role. Additionally, the expectations benefit all people involved rather than just one individual.Identify Clear BoundariesExpectations identify the limits, norms, guidelines, and rules that will give the relationship the best chance for success. Staying within the boundaries means sacrificing some of the freedoms you would have had if you had not been in this relationship.Include Clear Consequences or OutcomesIf only the boundaries are described, they have no “teeth.” Those “boundaries” are mostly a wish or a hope and are meaningless to those not driven to be self-governing. When you have clear consequences (positive or negative), it aids your focus and those affected. Clarity of the punishment or reward is always great as long as you are not using them to manipulate people.Inspire Self-governanceThe foundation of inspiring self-governance means the expectation will benefit all parties involved. Self-governance is not dependent on receiving benefits but is encouraged. Expectations that are met or boundaries that are not crossed are a measure of personal responsibility, accountability, trustworthiness, and numerous other incredible values. They also provide targets or opportunities for additional growth for those desiring to enhance self-governance.Instigate ServiceThe outward manifestation of self-governance can often be seen in the increased capacity to serve others. Meeting the expectations of others is a choice to focus on serving them and not yourself. Your thoughts of serving may be motivated by a flashing ME. If true, you are probably trying to please instead of serve. Of course, any serving attitude tends to be short-lived if you receive inadequate recognition. “Pleasing” tends to benefit you more than the other person, while “serving” tends to benefit the other person more than you. When truly serving, your desire to meet expectations provides practice in sacrifice and humility.Without expectations, guidelines, rules, or norms of behavior, chaos will ensue. They are helpful as long as they are used correctly.Expectations HurtExpectations damage relationships when they…Focus on OthersThe expectations are in place to reinforce a structure of privilege for the few or just you. You create expectations for others but discount or prevent any expectations from being assigned to you. That creates an atmosphere of privilege or an attitude of being served rather than serving.Focus on ControlBoundaries that do not provide reasonable and appropriate freedom to act are more about control and removing freedom than about encouraging and developing self-governance.Focus on JudgingThe expectations may be well-meaning but are written to demand judgment of another person’s behavior. This promotes finger-pointing,