A few words from Dr. Buckley:

As humans, we use each other for social comparison. Ideally, this keeps us on track or in check with where we want to be, but for some people it creates feelings of insecurity or feelings of inadequacy. In situations where you go through personal transformation, you are the "mirror" for others to use as their social comparison. Some individuals feel threatened by your transformation because they are jealous of your results. When they compare themselves to you, they feel that they are lacking. While their choice could be to devote themselves to work hard like you to achieve the goals they want, some may not use the social comparison as motivation and instead, will turn their insecurities as attacks on you. When this happens, remembering that your results are so incredible, these people are noticing your work (good for you!) and, unfortunately, may not be receiving it in a positive way....which is not your job to fix. They have the ability to choose to improve their lives, just as you chose to improve yours. You can't do it for them.

Other people's negative reaction to your transformation may be about their doubts regarding their relationship with you. Maybe they are concerned that you are changing and questioning if you are still the same person they developed a relationship with. This is particularly true because often with personal transformation, individuals develop new interests, new connections and new passions in their lives. Your relationships from before your transformation might wonder where they fit in or whether you still have things in common. When that line of thinking starts, they also might progress to concerns that they are going to lose you, that you will keep moving forward and leave them behind..

The main theme for these individuals is insecurity - about themselves and about their relationship with you. When you consider their negative reactions from this perspective, it can help you determine a more effective way to communicate with them when they are reacting from insecurity. This is also part of your personal transformation - learning to react in the manner that makes you stronger, more positive, more satisfied.

My training in clinical psychology allows me to help people understand the connection between their thoughts and their emotions and behaviors. From there, I can support them in discovering productive strategies to manage the thoughts in order to function at their optimal levels. A significant percentage of my client list are women. The commonalities that many women experience, and the issues they share, often helps normalize the female experience to my clients. By integrating my psychology background, with my expertise with women, I can help women learn that their experiences are typical and their reactions and emotions are within their power to control. 

Dr. Robin Buckley, CPC, helps high-achieving women thrive in their careers and relationships. She is an author, public speaker, and cognitive-behavioral coach who works with executive women and high-performance couples. Her proprietary coaching model uses a business framework and cognitive-behavioral strategies to support women in creating and executing concrete, strategic plans for developing their careers and relationships. The founder of Insights Group Psychological & Coaching Services, Dr. Buckley has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and served as a doctoral professor and dissertation chair for students in business, leadership, education, and healthcare. She has published two books, including Voices From the Village: Advice for Girls on the Verge of Adulthood. Dr. Buckley is a columnist for Entrepreneur.com and has been featured as an expert on multiple media platforms, including Thrive Global, Authority Magazine, Nike, the Happiness Talks podcast, and News Radio 96.7.

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